Wednesday, September 2, 2009

ASK A BLOG POST, WHY DON'T YOU?

Put your question(s) in the comments, and the blog post shall answer.


Rose asks:
Aside from punishment to humankind, why are there mosquitoes?

A: To provide human beings with a philosophical discussion as an icebreaker in bars.


okjimm asks:
What wood would Tiger Woods chuck if Tiger Woods chucked his woods?

A: 2, and please don't talk about chucking woods. This is a family blog.


Doc asks:
What is a Brazilian wax and why would someone want to smear wax on a Brazilian? Why not a Panamanian? Or a Cuban?

A: Brazilian wax is sought after by many discerning record collectors (preferably 180 gram vinyl). You should never smear the wax, but store it in plastic sleeves in a temperature-controlled room with average humidity.


Doc asks:
Can you name two paradoxes?

A: The fact that doxes only come in pairs is itself a paradox, and when this is sentence is multipled by two (as it must be to satisfy the definition of paradox's criteria) creates two paradoxes. It is impossible to name anything less than two paradoxes.


Doc asks:
Why is a "panhandler" a bum or hobo and not a chef or a dishwasher?

A: Doesn't everyone know this already? "Panhandlers" are the people that handle your food and dish-cleaning. Chefs and dishwashers serve in strictly supervisory positions. It is the panhandlers that are the grimy core of the culinary arts.


Doc asks:
What are the three worst cliche's?

A: For this, look no further than the films of Joel Schumacher.


Doc asks:
How do you handle a hungry man?

A: Get a Panhandler (see above)


Doc asks:
I suffer from erectile dysfunction, meaning I have trouble getting up in the morning. Any suggestions?

A: Nope, no suggestions here. Good luck with that.


Doc asks:
Name three of your favorite wastes of time besides blogging.

A: 1) Drawing mustaches on Kate Bush pictures 2) Removing mustaches from Adolph Hitler pictures 3) Writing fan fiction about Kate Bush destroying the Nazis with the power of her music (I'm calling it Vainglorious Bushterds)


Doc asks:
Would George Washington have used a wire brush to clean his wooden teeth?

A: Nope. Ivory. Would we expect any less from our first president?


Doc asks:
Say I won the lottery. What would be the best way to blow the money? Beer and hookers or the stock market?

A: I don't understand the question. I thought the stock market was underpinned by hookers and beer.


Doc asks:
Sorry. I was just riffing there for a moment.

A: This is not a question.


Randal Graves:
How does one riff like Doc without a guitar?

A: Typing quickly and repeatedly hitting the "Submit" button is a good start.


Jin:
Haahaa!!! Bravo gentlemen. No topping all that so I'll just await the answers.
;-)


A: Will you await the answers? (yes, you will). Note that I have inserted a question for you and answered it.


Nathan:
I know why the chicken crossed the road, but why did he cross back again after that?

A: You have to provide more information. There are lots of chickens crossing the road, with their own peculiar reasons. I can't give you any info until I am sure we are speaking of the same chicken.


Freida Bee:
Why are we here?

A: Hm, didn't another blog post address this existential question? This blog post does not do other blog post's questions.

21 comments:

Roses said...

Aside from punishment to humankind, why are there mosquitoes?

okjimm said...

What wood would Tiger Woods chuck if Tiger Woods chucked his woods?

Doc said...

What is a Brazilian wax and why would someone want to smear wax on a Brazilian? Why not a Panamanian? Or a Cuban?

Doc

Doc said...

Can you name two paradoxes?

Doc

Doc said...

Why is a "panhandler" a bum or hobo and not a chef or a dishwasher?

Doc

Doc said...

What are the three worst cliche's?

Doc

Doc said...

How do you handle a hungry man?

Doc

Doc said...

I suffer from erectile dysfunction, meaning I have trouble getting up in the morning. Any suggestions?

Doc

Doc said...

What is oakum and where can I get some?

Doc

Doc said...

Name three of your favorite wastes of time besides blogging.

Doc

Doc said...

Would George Washington have used a wire brush to clean his wooden teeth?

Doc

Doc said...

Say I won the lottery. What would be the best way to blow the money? Beer and hookers or the stock market?

Doc

Doc said...

Sorry. I was just riffing there for a moment.

Doc

Randal Graves said...

How does one riff like Doc without a guitar?

jin said...

Haahaa!!! Bravo gentlemen. No topping all that so I'll just await the answers.
;-)

Nathan said...

I know why the chicken crossed the road, but why did he cross back again after that?

Freida Bee, MD said...

Dear Blog Post- Why are we here?

Charlie said...

Do you know why I'm asking you a question?

Cormac Brown said...

Okay, I have never gotten an answer for this before, but your previous answers say that you are the man for the job: how much sand could Ayn Rand sand, if Ayn Rand could sand, sand?

Uh, that, and are you ready for some Friday Fiction?

Freida Bee, MD said...

Ok, smartass blogpost. I searched your compadres for "Why are we here?" and this is the only post that came up. I prefer to ask Splotchy things than you....

Roger Owen Green said...

How much wood WOULD a woodchuck chuck, if a woodchuck coukld chuck wood?