Friday, August 31, 2007

Hypothetical Quotes By People of Distinction




Jeremy Piven: "I'm Jeremy Piven."

Announcing The Next Two Green Monkey Mixes

I now give you the the rules for Volume 4 and 5 of the Green Monkey Music Project.

Volume 4 will be called, What's In A Word?

What's In A Word? is a mix that once again has a rather simple rule to follow. All songs submitted must have a title consisting of only one word. The word can't be a proper noun (a person's name, a place -- if it has a capital letter, it's a no-no).

When in doubt, use the Merriam-Webster Online dictionary. If it can't be found there, it's not allowed. Hey, I'd love to use Neil Young's "Powderfinger" and Yo La Tengo's "Sugarcube", but they're just not words you find in a dictionary (well, this particular one, at least).



I also want to give you the rules of Volume 5, because I don't someone missing out on Volume 4 and automatically sign up for the next volume without knowing what they are getting into. Volume 5 will require participants to be at least a little versed in music of a more international flavor.

Volume 5 is called No Speak English. Songs for this mix must have some kind of vocals in them. Whatever singing or speaking there is in the song, it can't be in English.

I'm not doing these mixes concurrently. You can sign up for Volume 5, and once I finalize the participants, you can submit your songs, but just be aware that I'm not going to get to it until Volume 4 is published.



Volume 4 will have five participants, but with me in the mix, that only leaves four open slots. Allen L. and Anandamide expressed interest in joining the next mix, so I'm holding two openings for them at the moment.

Volume 5 will have up to five participants as well -- all four slots are open.

After these two volumes, I think I'll take a break for a couple weeks on these mixes. But fear not, there will be a nice holiday-themed mix coming up in late September!


UPDATE!

We have our participants for Volume 4, "What's In A Word?"!

Anandamide!
Allen L.!
Splotchy!
Dguzman!
Beth!

Participants, please add a comment to this post indicating your song choices (w/artist). Please provide no less than five songs, and no more than eight.

We also have our participants for Volume 5!

Chris!
Splotchy!
Manx!
SamuraiFrog!
PJ!

Volume 5 participants, please feel free to leave your choices as a comment as well. No pressure, though -- like I said, I'm not starting on putting together Volume 5 until Volume 4 is published and available for download.


Thanks everyone for your participation!

The Lighter Side Of Erectile Dysfunction

As you may or may not recall, the bathroom readin' basket at the Splotchy house typically contains stale celebrity magazines.

Along with these magazines are a few Mad Magazines from the early 70's that I picked up at a thrift store a few years back.

I've been perusing the Mad Magazines more than the celeb rags lately, and am constantly confronted by the wit of Dave Berg, who had a long-running feature called "The Lighter Side Of..." In each issue Berg would explore a particular topic, to which he would devote several pages of three- and four-panel strips.

So, here's my tribute to Dave Berg. Only the last word balloon has been changed on his original strips. Click on a strip to view a larger image.

And now, I humbly present:

Thursday, August 30, 2007

How Computer Programming Pollutes The Mind

This post will probably not make sense to you. Still, I'll soldier on.

As I had a quick lunch over at the UIC cafeteria today while picking up a schoolbook for MizSplotchy, I noticed a Studs Terkel autograph on a poster where he had also scrawled "Peace = Sanity".

The first thought that popped into my head was, to properly indicate equality and not assignment, he should have used "==" instead of "=".

The Interviewer Gets Interviewed

Dguzman, in answering my interview questions, also emailed some questions of her own for me, which I will now dutifully answer.

1. Music is obviously a huge part of your life; what was the first record you ever purchased?

Ack. Why are you askin' me this? Who have you been talkin' to?

First single (45 rpm): Styx - Mr. Roboto
First album: Michael Jackson - Thriller. I think I picked up two albums that day. The other was Business As Usual by Men At Work.


2. When and why did you make the jump from vinyl to CD?

Well, in my nuclear family (Me, mother, father, one brother), my dad and I have always been the musically-inclined ones. My dad actually has quite an extensive collection of jazz 78's from the 1920's and 1930's.

As compact disc technology was gaining traction in the mid-80's, one Christmas my dad bought a nice JVC CD player for himself, and got me the same model.

I had been through the pain, familiar to most people old enough to remember vinyl, of having terrible pops and crackles (and God forbid, skips!) mysteriously manifest themselves on my most cherished records.

The fact that CDs didn't noticeably degrade after many plays was a big factor for me leaving the world of vinyl. As soon as I got that player I was pretty much going to pick up something on disc rather than vinyl if it was available.

I remember hearing the debates of analog (records) versus digital (CDs) but I didn't give too much of a crap about it -- I'm not an audiophile, and the CDs sounded great to me.

Since you asked about my first record purchase, I'll tell you my first CD purchase as well. It was Phaedra by Tangerine Dream -- I owned a scratchy vinyl copy that I thought I'd replace when I saw it for sale used.


3. What was your favorite subject in school/college, and why?

Hm, my film production and studies classes were the most fun. I didn't start out as a Film major, and I actually switched schools during college due to a change in my interests.

For a big part of my life I wanted to be an archaeologist, and that's what I had in my mind when I went to University of Illinois in Champaign, Illinois.

When I had an Introduction to Anthropology course, I learned a couple things, neither of them part of the curriculum:

  • The first couple years of college can be enormously sucky. Big lecture hall classes, indifferent teachers, clueless TA's. Sucky.

  • I might not want to be an archaeologist.

While I was at U of I, I took a film studies class which bowled me over, then took a film production class, which I enjoyed even more. The next semester the one lone professor they had for film production was going on sabbatical, so I decided to switch schools to Southern Illinois University in Carbondale, which had a well-established film production program.

As far as a class unrelated to my major, I had a fantabulous Shakespeare class at SIU. I had Mary Ellen Lamb for a teacher, and she was just incredible -- enthusiastic, engaged, and had an excitement about the subject that was contagious. If only all teachers could be like her. Simply amazing. The world of Shakespeare really opened up for me, and it's largely due to her.


4. How many of the 50 states have your visited? Lived in?

I have only lived in one state, Illinois.

"By thy rivers gently flowing,
Illinois, Illinois,
and thy prairies verdant growing,
Illin-"
--oop, sorry.

Lessee, as far as states I have visited:

I have:
  • Bought some kringle in Wisconsin.

  • Stayed at a resort in the bucolic environs of La Porte, Indiana.

  • Visited an auntie in Miami, Florida (I also saw Disneyworld/Epcot).

  • Stayed at my brother's place when he lived in Little Five Points, a funky neighborhood of Atlanta, Georgia.

  • Went on my first vacation with the future MizSplotchy, driving down to New Orleans. A few years later I drove down with Bubs to help gut houses in St. Bernard's Parish, which had been flooded by the levee breach caused by Hurricane Katrina (they still need help!).

  • Went to a few Java One conferences in San Francisco, California.

  • Stayed with some friends of MizSplotchy in Philadelphia, Pennsylvania, where he also took a couple train rides so we could--

  • Walk around in wonder at the sights of New York, New York. I stumbled into catching a glimpse of Bruce Springsteen outside Madison Square Garden. I think he was playing a series of nights there for his 50th birthday. He's a l'il fella.

  • Married MizSplotchy at Viva Las Vegas Wedding Chapel in Las Vegas, Nevada.

There's other states (Tennessee, Kentucky, Mississippi, Iowa, Michigan, etc.) I have been in, but I don't really count them as I really didn't spend any amount of time visiting them (and I really wanted to see Graceland the two times I've been through Memphis, goddammit!).


5. What makes a good blog post? Do you write some of them in advance and save them up for those not-so-fresh days, or do you try to just come up with things on a daily basis?

I don't know what makes a good blog post. The more I get exposed to, the more goodness I can see. Blogs are so damned flexible, it's great. It lends itself to a lot of personal creativity, which I really admire.

I usually come up with things on a daily basis. I feel almost a responsibility to produce something at this point, which I suppose could be interpreted as a bad place to be (the bitch goddess of content, I call it). I don't worry about it too much, though. I see it as exercising my imagination, which is quite a lovely thing to do, I think.

The only thing I occasionally come up with in advance are my Unconnected Tuesdays post. Sometimes I save one off, because it's a weekly feature and not tied to any current events, etc.


Thanks for the questions!

Presenting The Under 3 Mix!

Volume 3 of the Green Monkey Music Project has been completed, and is available for download!

If the participants of this mix want to discuss their own selections, please feel free to do so! I'll put a pointer on this post if you end up posting about it on your own blog (or you could always just add comments here, I suppose).

========================
THE UNDER 3
========================

Rules and Theme Details

The Participants Discuss Their Selections:
J.D.!
SamuraiFrog!
Splotchy!


The Songs:

Get the mix in chunks!

Zipped file of Songs 01-08 (All of SamuraiFrog' songs)
Zipped file of Songs 09-16 (All of J.D.'s songs)
Zipped file of Songs 17-24 (All of Distributorcap's songs)
Zipped file of Songs 25-32 (All of Splotchy's songs)
Zipped file of Songs 33-40 (All of Lulu's songs)


Track Listing
01 - Todd Rundgren - International Feel [samuraifrog]
02 - Scissor Sisters - I Can't Decide [samuraifrog]
03 - Richard Thompson - Oops! I Did It Again (live) [samuraifrog]
04 - The Zombies - Summertime [samuraifrog]
05 - Django Reinhardt - Swing Interpretation of the First Movement in D Minor by JS Bach [samuraifrog]
06 - JoJo - Times Like These (live) [samuraifrog]
07 - Adam and the Ants - Jolly Roger [samuraifrog]
08 - David Bowie - Bombers [samuraifrog]
09 - Lindsay Lohan - Frankie & Johnny [j.d.]
10 - Shigeru Umebayashi - The Echo Game [j.d.]
11 - KT Tunstall - Hold On [j.d.]
12 - Jennifer Hudson - Love You I Do [j.d.]
13 - Kelly Clarkson - Respect [j.d.]
14 - Panic! At the Disco - The Only Difference Betweeen Martyrdom and Suicide is Press Coverage [j.d.]
15 - Meg & Dia - Monster [j.d.]
16 - Lisa Simpson and 'Bleeding Gums' Murphy - Jazz Man [j.d.]
17 - Eric Clapton - After Midnight [distributorcap]
18 - Marvin Gaye & Tammi Terrell - You're All I Need To Get By [distributorcap]
19 - Canned Heat - Going Up The Country [distributorcap]
20 - Aretha Franklin - You Make Feel Like A Natural Woman [distributorcap]
21 - The Crystals - Then He Kissed Me [distributorcap]
22 - Joni Mitchell - Chelsea Morning [distributorcap]
23 - Jan & Dean - The Little Old Lady From Pasadena [distributorcap]
24 - The Turtles - It Ain't Me Babe [distributorcap]
25 - Wire - It's So Obvious [splotchy]
26 - Pere Ubu - I Will Wait [splotchy]
27 - Commodores - Machine Gun [splotchy]
28 - Bo Diddley - Mona (I Need You Baby) [splotchy]
29 - The Clean - Franz Kafka At The Zoo [splotchy]
30 - Cat Stevens - Tea For The Tillerman [splotchy]
31 - Robyn Hitchcock - My Favourite Buildings [splotchy]
32 - The Champs - Tequila [splotchy]
33 - Blue Meanies - The 4th of July [lulu]
34 - Weezer - Buddy Holly [lulu]
35 - Dead Kennedys - Too Drunk To Fuck [lulu]
36 - The Pogues - If I Should Fall From Grace With God [lulu]
37 - Supersuckers - Creepy Jackalope Eye [lulu]
38 - The Dirtbombs - Get It While You Can [lulu]
39 - Traitors - I'm So Happy When I'm Hated [lulu]
40 - Deerhoof - Dinner For Two [lulu]

Splotchy's Contribution To The Under 3

Hi, here's a little background on my choices for The Under 3 mix.

Wire - It's So Obvious [0:53]
A nice, fast song off their first album, Pink Flag. And it's under one minute! Delightful.


Pere Ubu - I Will Wait [1:47]
I finally get a Pere Ubu song on a mix! This is a nice poppy-yet-skronky song off their second album, Dub Housing.


Commodores - Machine Gun [2:41]
I had a pretty serious soul and funk awakening a year or so back, during which time I first heard this song. This is a great instrumental track off their album of the same name. Listen closely near the end -- there's a great funky riff the Beastie Boys sampled for their song "Hey Ladies".


Bo Diddley - Mona (I Need You Baby) [2:22]
I don't really like a lot of schmaltzy love songs, but that doesn't mean I don't like love songs as a rule. Take this song, for example. I can't think of a better song expressing a sense of longing -- sexual, emotional and otherwise -- than this.


The Clean - Franz Kafka At The Zoo [1:58]
As I have mentioned elsewhere, I really dig this New Zealand band. While they are a great pop band, they would also play around and experiment. This is kind of a spooky-sounding song off their album Unknown Country.


Cat Stevens - Tea For The Tillerman [1:01]
I think I have Cat Steven's Greatest Hits on vinyl, so I know "Moonshadow", "Peace Train", etc., but I owe my knowledge of this song, off the album of the same name, to the great BBC show Extras, by Ricky Gervais and Stephen Merchant. The song would play at the end of each episode, and it really fit the mood of the show. Thank you, Extras!


Robyn Hitchcock - My Favourite Buildings [2:50]
One of my favorites (or favourites, rather). This is off the first album I bought by the man, I Often Dream Of Trains.


The Champs - Tequila [2:11]
This is one of my all-time favorite songs. I can't help but smile when I hear it.

Wednesday, August 29, 2007

Niblet Has No Comment



I recently strolled through a garden of flowers, vegetables and butterflies, accompanied by Niblet (pictured) and the wonderful dguzman.

We got to talking (dguzman and I -- Niblet couldn't be bothered), and she had the presence of mind to save our conversation for posterity.

Have a gander at it here.

Distributorcap Dishes About Knishes




I recently sat down with East Coast dynamo Distributorcap on his front stoop for regular coffees and a friendly chat.

Please read the results here.

We Have Two Gay Video Contest Winners!

Frank Sirmarco and SamuraiFrog have tied for first place in the Gayest Video Ever ™ contest!

It is my great honor to present each of them with The Schneider!

To collect your prize, please right-click on the image below and select "Save Image As...".



Congratulations to you both!

In the future, there may be discussions on the web and beyond as to the gayness of this video or that video, but the fourteen people who voted over these last two days spoke for the entire Internet. Nay, they spoke for the world.

This is *the* defining moment of gay video discussion. You voters are a part of history now, and will be enshrined forever in Wikipedia (at least until they block my IP address from making edits).

I'd like to thank everyone for participating, and humbly offer a Meaningless Cherry Award to each and every one of you as a token of my appreciation.

Green Monkey Mix Participants Are All Over The Map

Participants thus far (sorry, Lulu! you have to scroll to get to you!):


View Larger Map

Gayest Video Ever Poll Closes at 5:00pm Today

Hi,

The arbitrary voting for Gayest Video Ever ™ will end today, at 5:00pm CDT (That's Thursday, 30 August 2007 12:00am GMT for our friends outside the US).

Here's the current tally. I don't want to pick the winner yet, but Frank Sirmarco is the favorite to take home The Schneider.

Lionel Richie - All Night Long (1 vote)
Sting - Fortress Around Your Heart (1 vote)
Queen - I Want To Break Free (1 vote)
Wham - Wake Me Up (4 votes)
Baltimora - Tarzan Boy (2 votes)
Billy Squier - Rock Me Tonite (1 vote)

If you haven't yet voted, please do so. US citizenship is not a requirement!


FINAL VOTE TALLY!
Lionel Richie - All Night Long (1 vote)
Sting - Fortress Around Your Heart (2 votes)
Queen - I Want To Break Free (1 vote)
Wham - Wake Me Up (4 votes)
Baltimora - Tarzan Boy (3 votes)
Billy Squier - Rock Me Tonite (4 votes)

Tuesday, August 28, 2007

8 Quarters + Theater 4 + 1 Bad Movie = Ocean's 13

It's been a while since Two Buck Schmuck has saddled up to the LaGrange Theater, so I reckoned... ack, why I am typing like Sam Elliott? I decided to go see a movie.

Showtimes are a little funky at the four-screen LaGrange this week, so there are only three movies being shown starting at or after 9:00pm.

Here were my choices:

Fantastic Four: Rise of the Silver Surfer - NO! We talked about this already!
Waitress - It has Felicity (Keri Russell) in it. If it's not a movie where she gets a brain hemorrhage triggered by a gadget implanted in her head by Philip Seymour Hoffman, I'll take a pass.

And that leaves us with this star-studded shitty piece of shit:


The best part of Ocean's 13 was when a blonde chick got herself bitten on her big boob. Let me explain. As I was heading out the door, my wife found the movie Snakes On A Plane on a pay channel. She called after me, "Hey! A chick's gonna get her boob bit!" We were both aware of the high points of the movie, although neither of us had seen it. "Pause it!" I yelled, as I finished getting my keys, wallet, etc. together. I ran downstairs and watched the aforementioned big-titted blonde get bit on the boob by an eerily muppet-like snake, and then, I was off to the LaGrange, knowing I would most likely be having the inferior cinematic experience.

I didn't have any paper cash money on me, so I had to rummage through some loose change. I somewhat proudly presented my eight quarters to purchase my ticket.

Tonight was a first for me! Theater 4! Theater 4 actually has brand-new seats, as well as new red runner lights down the aisle. Theater 4 also has murals containing some rather amateurish and disturbing patriotic paintings running the entire length of both sides of the theater. There's awkward eagles, badly-proportioned army grunts, marines with dark sockets where their eyes should be. And to top it off, "We The People" is scrawled in what appears to be a dying man's last message written in his own saliva.

The house lights of Theater 4 were actually fluorescent, and gave off a fair enough wattage that I could read my Movie Fun Facts. For those not familiar with Movie Fun Facts, they are a free pamphlet full of movie synopses and advertising. And hey, they have a website. Say hi to their mascot, Seymore Flix for me, wouldja? And please don't call him Seymore Dix, that's just plain rude.

As I was reading the various movie blurbs, it struck me how many recent mainstream movies are drawing on the same nastiness that Hostel II did.

Here's the blurbs that stood out to me:

THE BRAVE ONE Action/Thriller
Unable to move past the tragedy of losing her fiance during a brutal attack, a New York radio host prowls the city at night in a dark and anonymous quest for justice against the men she holds responsible.

DEATH SENTENCE (R) Drama
A vengeful father sets out on a mission to kill the thugs involved with a heinous gang-initiated attack on his family.

I KNOW WHO KILLED ME (R) Thriller
After escaping a sadistic serial killer, a young woman struggles to convince anyone that she is not who she appears to be and that the person they all think she is may still be in mortal danger.

THINGS WE LOST IN THE FIRE (R) Drama
After an unspeakable act of violence tears her world apart, a grieving widow forges an unlikely relationship with her late husband's best friend from childhood, who has also lost everything because of his addiction to heroin.

TRADE (R) Drama
A young Mexican girl is abducted and forced into becoming a sex slave, leading her brother to team up with a police officer who has learned his own daughter has been kidnapped.

Holy shit! You know what's more disturbing than all these movies combined? The fact that there are movie studio executives having serious discussions that this is the kind of crap that the moviegoing audience wants and/or needs. Yucky, yucky, yucky.

However, I'm not saying we need more movies like Ocean's 13. Oh, God no.

The plot for this movie is the following:

  1. Elliott Gould's character does something stupid -- he trusts a tanned Al Pacino, who obviously will go on to doublecross him. Pacino can't help it. That's what he does when he's tan.

  2. Gould suffers a heart attack as a result of the tanned Pacino's actions.

  3. The Ocean Consortium of Slumming Actors bands together to seek revenge on the tanned Pacino.


That's it.

Can I just say right here and now that I hate Elliott Gould? Not that I hate him as a person. And, I hope he never reads these words that profess my hate for him. I would feel awful. I mean, hate is a strong word, and I would never, ever wish him any ill will. Still, every time he pops up in a movie or a TV show, I just say, "Man, I hate that guy."

The 1970's were an interesting time for actors. Unconventional looking actors that used to be relegated to bit parts suddenly had opportunities to play leading roles. Many times this worked out great. But then there was Elliott Gould. Just as you can have an actor or actress coast on his or her good looks, Gould somehow coasted on his quirky appearance in the 70's. And is Gould capable of any expression or emotion other than a bemused smirk? I THINK NOT. There's this neat little thriller from 1978 called Silent Partner. Christopher Plummer is insanely good in it as an antagonist to, who is it? Oh, crap. Elliott Gould. Fuckin' Elliott Gould. How much better would it be without Gould? A shitload better.

Okay, sorry, enough about that jerk.

I don't really have a lot to say about this boring, pointless movie. I'd put Ocean's 13 in the same category as films like Cannonball Run and Smokey And The Bandit 4. It was probably a lot more fun making the movie then it was to watch it. On second thought, I can't imagine much fun being had in the making, either. After all, Al Pacino is in it.

Oh, by the way, everything works out for Danny Ocean and his crew. The earthquake they started as a diversionary tactic didn't end up killing anyone. Well, no one onscreen, at least. And isn't that what's really important?

Look Into The Pop Eye



I recently sat down with Beckeye for an interivew. We covered all the important topics -- Coney Island, reality shows and gay porn.

Find out more here!

I Suppose We Can Have An Arbitrary Vote Now

Enough people have provided entries for the Gayest Video Ever ™ contest, that I feel a vote can take place.

On the walk back from lunch, I had an inspiration for the award which will be given to the winner of this contest.

The Schneider



It's part B-52's frontman, part sitcom handyman, all delicious.

And now, the candidates:
_______________________________


Bear Force 1 - submitted by Bad Art Global

Queen - I Want To Break Free - submitted by Allen L.

Wham - Wake Me Up - submitted by Frank Sirmarco

Peter Cetera - The Glory Of Love - submitted by Distributorcap

Baltimora - Tarzan Boy - submitted by Pat

Culture Club - Karma Chameleon - submitted by Manx

Sting - Fortress Around Your Heart submitted by Splotchy (I am not also submitting the Leo Sayer song or Limahl video, as my original post already indicated my belief that the Sting video was the gayest. Still, they are both pretty gay and worth a looksee.)

Billy Squier - Rock Me Tonite submitted by SamuraiFrog (anandamide also submitted this entry a little later, unaware that it had already been submitted -- there was gay video karma in the ether, I think)

Lionel Richie - All Night Long submitted by Doctor Monkey Von Monkerstein

_______________________________


I couldn't in good conscience include this infomercial by the lads of Air Supply submitted by Jess. Although it is deafeningly gay with sprinkles, it's just not a music video.

If I left out anyone, just let me know. This is an extremely shoddy contest I have pushed together with the faintest whiff of an effort.

Vote early and often.

What's Splotchy Been Kicking Lately?

  1. A cola beverage habit

  2. The cat when it woke me up at 5:30am on a recent Sunday morning

  3. A wild mushroom in my backyard

  4. "It"

  5. Goose poo in the parking lot of the Brookfield Zoo that looked like a large piece of black fuzz

What's It Like To Be Freida Bee?




If you want a glimpse, then check out my interview with her here!

Unconnected Tuesdays

A puddle

A record store

Monday, August 27, 2007

Five Questions For Flannery


I recently sat down with Flannery Alden for a short interview. Virtual beers and cheese doodles were had, and questions were candidly answered.

Full interview here.

At Least They Covered The Pretzel Choking

Off the top of my head, I couldn't remember when the pretzel incident happened. I have a yellowed newspaper clipping of Bush and his wound on my wall, that went up as soon as I saw it published in the Chicago Sun Times.

I figured the accident happened pre-September 11th, but apparently it occurred on January 14th, 2002. I am surprised that the media covered the event at all, as they were still the solemn witnesses of President Bush's gravitas.

I guess the media didn't *completely* abdicate their responsibility, eh?

The Under 3 - Track Listing

All participants have submitted their selections for Volume 3 of the Green Monkey Music Project.

Here's the list of the soon-to-be-released mix:

01 - Todd Rundgren - International Feel [samuraifrog]
02 - Scissor Sisters - I Can't Decide [samuraifrog]
03 - Richard Thompson - Oops! I Did It Again (live) [samuraifrog]
04 - The Zombies - Summertime [samuraifrog]
05 - Django Reinhardt - Swing Interpretation of the First Movement in D Minor by JS Bach [samuraifrog]
06 - JoJo - Times Like These (live) [samuraifrog]
07 - Adam and the Ants - Jolly Roger [samuraifrog]
08 - David Bowie - Bombers [samuraifrog]
09 - Lindsay Lohan - Frankie & Johnny [j.d.]
10 - Shigeru Umebayashi - The Echo Game [j.d.]
11 - KT Tunstall - Hold On [j.d.]
12 - Jennifer Hudson - Love You I Do [j.d.]
13 - Kelly Clarkson - Respect [j.d.]
14 - Panic! At the Disco - The Only Difference Betweeen Martyrdom and Suicide is Press Coverage [j.d.]
15 - Meg & Dia - Monster [j.d.]
16 - Lisa Simpson and 'Bleeding Gums' Murphy - Jazz Man [j.d.]
17 - Eric Clapton - After Midnight [distributorcap]
18 - Marvin Gaye & Tammi Terrell - You're All I Need To Get By [distributorcap]
19 - Canned Heat - Going Up The Country [distributorcap]
20 - Aretha Franklin - You Make Feel Like A Natural Woman [distributorcap]
21 - The Crystals - Then He Kissed Me [distributorcap]
22 - Joni Mitchell - Chelsea Morning [distributorcap]
23 - Jan & Dean - The Little Old Lady From Pasadena [distributorcap]
24 - The Turtles - It Ain't Me Babe [distributorcap]
25 - Wire - It's So Obvious [splotchy]
26 - Pere Ubu - I Will Wait [splotchy]
27 - Commodores - Machine Gun [splotchy]
28 - Bo Diddley - Mona (I Need You Baby) [splotchy]
29 - The Clean - Franz Kafka At The Zoo [splotchy]
30 - Cat Stevens - Tea For The Tillerman [splotchy]
31 - Robyn Hitchcock - My Favourite Buildings [splotchy]
32 - The Champs - Tequila [splotchy]
33 - Blue Meanies - The 4th of July [lulu]
34 - Weezer - Buddy Holly [lulu]
35 - Dead Kennedys - Too Drunk To Fuck [lulu]
36 - The Pogues - If I Should Fall From Grace With God [lulu]
37 - Supersuckers - Creepy Jackalope Eye [lulu]
38 - The Dirtbombs - Get It While You Can [lulu]
39 - Traitors - I'm So Happy When I'm Hated [lulu]
40 - Deerhoof - Dinner For Two [lulu]

Sunday, August 26, 2007

This Is The Video To Beat

Allen L. has submitted a video for consideration in the Gayest Video Ever ™ contest.

Should we even try to beat this? I, for one, am conceding defeat.

Saturday, August 25, 2007

Announcing The Next Green Monkey Mix - The Under 3

Hi, as we wipe the snot away from Volume 2, we find ourselves at Volume 3.

The first two volumes of the Green Monkey Music Project (GMMP) were interwoven with the subjective emotions of the participants.

In Volume 1, participants had to provide songs which completely absorbed their attention.

Volume 2 tied in to each participant's sense of the snotty.

The next two volumes of GMMP are going to enforce what I could call "physical" rules. In some ways these mixes are going to be much wider to interpretation by the participants.

Anyways, there's just one rule for the new mix, which I'm calling:

==============
THE UNDER 3
==============

The rule? Each song of the mix must be under three minutes long.

In some ways, this gives the participants an incredible amount of power over their mix selections, the flow, or what I like to call, the "mix qi".

SamuraiFrog expressed an interest in joining the next mix, so I have a slot waiting for him if he's still game.

That leaves three open slots for this mix (they'll be a total of five, and I'll be participating). Each person can select up to 8 songs for inclusion.

Okay, thanks for playing, and looking forward to hearing some great music. Sign up via a comment on this post.

UPDATE!

We have our participants! They are listed below in the order their songs will come in the mix:

SamuraiFrog!
J.D.!
Distributorcap!
Splotchy!
Lulu!


Participants, please leave your song selections as comments on this blog when you come up with them. No more than eight songs, and they all have to be under three minutes. I'll add my tracks as a comment to this post as well.

Rock and roll and stuff!

Thank Ye Kindly

Hi, just wanted to give thanks to Becca and J.D. for displaying incredible generosity in bestowing the following upon me:

From what I have seen, people given such an award can then in turn award it to five other bloggers. If it's okay, I'm gonna put these in my goodie bag to give out later, as I have the vapors lately.

Thanks also to MC for this lovely l'il slice of Homeric heaven:


A possible award in YOUR future

How's about I whip up a suitable image for the winner of the informal gayest video ever contest, which is currently ongoing. Just be warned you have some fierce competition -- here as well as here (and there are some mighty gay video links in the comments section of these posts as well).


To Jess Wundrun specifically: I probably should have made up a Taint Award for you in recognition of your amazing performance in the Taint Wars -- if you still want one, I'll gladly make you a slightly disturbing one. Okay, maybe more than slightly disturbing.

I Splotchy, You Dale

I asked the incomparable dale if he wouldn't mind shooting me some interview questions, as I had really enjoyed reading the interviews with bloggers he has conducted in recent weeks. He was very, very gracious to agree to interview me.

Here are his questions, and my answers.


1. Whether you're using the written word, audio clips of your own voice, or creating new art by manipulating Toni Basil's Hey Mickey! with excellent results, the many ways you get your point across keeps me in awe and thinking "I wish I'd thought of that!" Considering your film production background, have you ever considered video blogging?

Thank you so much for the kind words. I am honestly a little ignorant of video blogging. I saw a recent post by Jess, a blogger I regularly read, about some video blogging done by some Baghdad locals, but haven't checked it out yet.

At this point, I don't feel confident to undertake something of that nature, but maybe as I get more comfortable it could be something I'd like to explore. My wife bought a Mac laptop recently. I want to load Final Cut Pro, a really nice video editing suite, onto the computer, and learn how to use it. I have some video ideas that I want to play around with, so maybe that eventually could transition into a more regular video blog. I really have a fun time with old-fashioned writing, though.


2. Trapped on a long flight, would you rather sit next to Watchmen creators Dave Gibbons and Alan Moore (so you could discuss your geeky and exciting discovery) or Jim Woodring (so you could discuss your avatar)?

Either would be great, but I'd haveta go with Alan Moore and Dave Gibbons. I've read a lot of fascinating interviews with Alan Moore in particular, and would just relish being there to have a conversation. He'd probably hate sitting next to me and my stupid mouth, but before he got irretrievably perturbed perhaps I could get to ask him, "Hey, is Rorschach related to Seymour, the chubby red-haired assistant at the New Frontiersman, or am I just batshit crazy?"


3. If you were to make a feature film, a short film or even a porno flick, who would your top choice be for doing the score?

Wow, that's a tough one. A tough, tough question. I actually envision scenes to a film in my head sometimes, and more often I imagine it set to a song I really admire, kinda like how Scorsese does the whole pop song to match up with some bit of action (I'm not putting myself up with him, I'm merely talking about his style of assembling a soundtrack).

Still, there's something to be said about having an original score. I love Italian film composer Piero Umiliani, but he died a few years back. Mark Mothersbaugh (of Devo fame) has done some great soundtrack work.

However, the soundtrack to the Roman Polanski film The Ninth Gate was something that really bowled me over, composed by Wojciech Kilar. It was so great that I would want to make a movie that he would wanna score. Great stuff.


4. I regret not paying closer attention to your review of the film Fracture before renting it last week. Which film do you find yourself stopping time and again to watch at least part of when you come across it on television?

A few years ago, when Gladiator was on every goddamn pay channel on every goddamn half hour, I would find myself stopping to watch it ridiculously often. If I'd come across the Mickey Rourke or Clive Owen parts of Sin City, I'd stop to watch it (some nice stylized violence, coupled with the loveliness of Carla Gugino and/or Rosario Dawson). And, I must admit, I have a completely nonsexual mancrush on Clive Owen at this point in time. This crush may be the reason that the most recent stop-and-watch movie for me is Spike Lee's Inside Man.


5. You've launched many successful series on your blog such as Actor Adoptions, Who's In Charge and The Green Monkey Mix Project. Were you born with these ideas or do they just come to you? Is there an entire family of bloggers living in your brain? If someone snapped up the film rights to your blog, who would play the actors?

The ideas just come to me. I have a pretty active imagination, but haven't really given myself an outlet for it for several years. I think it's gushing out a bit at this point. With regards to having an actor or actors play some sort of bizarre (and boring!) dramatization of my blog, this is such an easy question to answer, and I am truly serious -- David Patrick Kelly would be the first choice. It's not a coincidence I picked to adopt him -- I feel some sort of kinship with him. Perhaps that comes across as creepy, or disturbingly stalkerish, but I just like the man's work, I reckon.


Thank you, Dale!

If'n anyone reading this post wants to be interviewed by yours truly,

You can:
Leave me a comment saying "Interview me."

and...
I will respond by emailing you five questions. I get to pick the questions.

then...
You will update your blog with a post containing your answers to the questions.

and you can optionally...
include this explanation and an offer to interview someone else in the same post

and if you do...
When others comment asking to be interviewed, you will ask them five questions.

Thursday, August 23, 2007

This Will Most Certainly End Badly

Oh boy, have I stepped in it.

Frank Sirmarco has answered my gayest video ever post with a challenge of his own.

I'm scrambling to find an appropriate video, but here is an initial volley.

It's not a music video technically, but I think you'll agree it matches Frank's video, if not outgays it.




UPDATE!

Okay, seeing as I am up wrassling with the water in my basement, I had time between seepage cleanup to find a bonafide gayer video than Frank's. Please, join Limahl in his personal library for "The Neverending Story".

Five Snotty Facts

To go with the recent Snotty-Ass Rock 'N Roll Mix, here are some honest-to-goodness true snotty facts about me.

  1. I like the phrase "Git-R-Done". I like the way it looks, and I like the way it sounds. I don't care that it came out of that unfunny nimrod Larry The Cable Guy's piehole. I just like it.

  2. I believe there should be a limit to how much wealth one can accumulate. There should no such thing as a billionaire, or even a multi-millionaire. You want to be rich, use your money to build a f*cking time machine and go to France in the days right before the Revolution.

  3. I like fart jokes.

  4. I hate tucking my shirt in. I absolutely hate it. If you like tucking your shirt in, you're a f*cking moron.

  5. I'm sick of solemn references to 09/11. Yes, people died. Stop talking about it, unless you want to make a funny reference to it.


I TAG NO ONE

Wednesday, August 22, 2007

Presenting The Snotty-Ass Rock 'N Roll Mix!

Volume 2 of the Green Monkey Music Project has been completed, and is available for download!

If the participants of this mix want to discuss their own selections, please feel free to do so! I'll put a pointer on this post if you end up posting about it on your own blog (or you could always just add comments here, I suppose).

========================
SNOTTY-ASS ROCK 'N ROLL
========================

Rules and Theme Details

The Participants Discuss Their Selections:
Bigshoulders!
Chris!
Bubs!
Flannery Alden!
Splotchy!

The Songs:

Get the mix in chunks!

Zipped file of Songs 01-08, 41 (All of Bigshoulders' songs)
Zipped file of Songs 09-16, 42 (All of Chris' songs)
Zipped file of Songs 17-24, 43 (All of Bubs' songs)
Zipped file of Songs 25-32, 44 (All of Flannery Alden's songs)
Zipped file of Songs 33-40, 45 (All of Splotchy's songs)


Track Listing
01 - Gogol Bordello- I Would Never Wanna Be Young Again [bigshoulders]
02 - The Ramones - Beat on the Brat [bigshoulders]
03 - PJ Harvey - Who the F*ck? [bigshoulders]
04 - Pixies - Debaser [bigshoulders]
05 - The Clash - Guns of Brixton [bigshoulders]
06 - Morphine - Sharks [bigshoulders]
07 - Yeah Yeah Yeahs - Rich [bigshoulders]
08 - Kaiser Chiefs - I Predict a Riot [bigshoulders]
09 - Ween - Piss Up A Rope [chris]
10 - Bobby Darin - Down With Love [chris]
11 - Descendents - Sour Grapes [chris]
12 - Etta James - Losers Weepers (pt. 1) [chris]
13 - Phil Ochs - Love Me, I'm A Liberal [chris]
14 - Rev. Horton Heat - Nurture My Pig! [chris]
15 - They Might Be Giants - Prevenge [chris]
16 - Ben Folds Five - Song For The Dumped [chris]
17 - Iggy Pop - Dog Food [bubs]
18 - Green Day - Platypus [bubs]
19 - Public Image Ltd. - Fodderstompf [bubs]
20 - Lou Reed - Dirt [bubs]
21 - The Cramps - People Ain't No Good [bubs]
22 - Brian Eno - Baby's On Fire [bubs]
23 - Sex Pistols - Pretty Vacant [bubs]
24 - X Ray Spex - Oh Bondage, Up Yours [bubs]
25 - Guns 'N Roses - Welcome to the Jungle [flannery alden]
26 - Nirvana - Smells Like Teen Spirit [flannery alden]
27 - Lily Allen - Smile [flannery alden]
28 - Alanis Morissette - You Outta Know [flannery alden]
29 - The Old Crow Medicine Show - Union Maid [flannery alden]
30 - Justin Timberlake - SexyBack [flannery alden]
31 - Destiny's Child - Survivor [flannery alden]
32 - Oasis - Married With Children [flannery alden]
33 - Mekons - Memphis, Egypt [splotchy]
34 - Public Enemy - 911 Is A Joke [splotchy]
35 - Devo - (I Can't Get No) Satisfaction [splotchy]
36 - Beck - Truckdrivin' Neighbor Downstairs (Yellow Sweat) [splotchy]
37 - The Doors - Peace Frog [splotchy]
38 - The Dictators - Two Tub Man [splotchy]
39 - Modern Lovers - Pablo Picasso [splotchy]
40 - The Jesus And Mary Chain - I Hate Rock 'N Roll [splotchy]

BONUS TRACKS:

I asked the participants to reach for an extra snotty song to be included as a bonus track.

You have been warned!

41 - Patti Smith Group - Rock N Roll Nigger [bigshoulders-extra snotty]
42 - Ween - Baby Bitch [chris-extra snotty]
43 - The Rotters - Sit On My Face Stevie Nicks [bubs-extra snotty]
44 - Violent Femmes - Add It Up [flannery alden-extra snotty]
45 - Butthole Surfers - 22 Going On 23 [splotchy-extra snotty]

Splotchy's Contribution To Snotty-Ass Rock 'N Roll

Hi, here's a little background on my choices for the recent Snotty-Ass Rock 'N Roll mix.

Mekons - Memphis, Egypt
What to begin with? How about a rocking song where the lyrics are spat out, dripping with cynicism about rock itself? Yeah, that'll do.


Public Enemy - 911 Is A Joke
From the great, great album Fear Of A Black Planet. Chuck D is a great rapper and a great lyricist. However, if snottiness is something he needs for a song, he steps aside for Flavor Flav.


Devo - (I Can't Get No) Satisfaction
I consider this song metasnotty. It takes the Stones song, itself a classic anthem to pissiness, then it knocks the cool out of it and ratchets up the awkwardness. What you're left with is a hyper herky-jerky song that thumbs its nose at old school snottiness. That's pretty damned snotty!


Beck - Truckdrivin' Neighbor Downstairs (Yellow Sweat)
Oh, this song. It starts with a tape of some rednecks arguing (reportedly neighbors of Beck's), followed by a series of verses wherein Beck musically tells them what a-holes they are.


The Doors - Peace Frog
I had the Doors' first album many years ago, as well as a greatest hits double-album. However, it was relatively recently that I first happened upon this song from Morrison Hotel. I was struck by how modern it sounded (particularly the opening). Some people might think Jim Morrison is often the punchline to a bad joke, but he's having a lot of fun being snotty in this song. He mentions blood running on the streets of New Haven, where he had recently been busted by the local constables.


The Dictators - Two Tub Man
This is a classic early punk song that I only heard recently. It comes with a long intro by the wrestler Handsome Dick Manitoba. The lyrics are fantastic. "I've got Jackie Onassis in my pants." Oh, priceless.

And get a load of the album cover:



Modern Lovers - Pablo Picasso
Another classic. This has been covered by many people, including John Cale and David Bowie, but I still prefer the original. I was referencing this song in one of my hypothetical quotes.


The Jesus And Mary Chain - I Hate Rock 'N Roll
One of the snottier songs by one of the snottier bands.


BONUS TRACK: Butthole Surfers - 22 Going On 23
This is why I created the bonus "extra snotty" tracks for this mix. I love this song, but figured I couldn't get away with it unless I made it clear to everyone that it bordered on the offensive. I think it's great, though.

All About The Green Monkey Music Project

============================
An Explanation:
============================

The Green Monkey Music Project (GMMP) is all about the magic of the mixtape, but it's a mixtape with a twist.

Instead of all the selections originating with a single mixologist, GMMP is more of a collaborative effort.

Here's how it works. I announce the rules of an upcoming mix, then ask for participants, who can join as long as there are open slots left.

The participants provide the names of songs (w/artist) honoring the spirit of the mix. I obtain the songs, organize the mix, and publish it on my blog.

The participants have the option of discussing their selections after the mix has been made publicly available (a post on their own blog is the preferred method of this discussion).

Being a participant in a GMMP mix is painless, fun, and you get to share music you love with many fellow music-lovers.

Plus, after you participate in a mix, you get to display this bitchin' badge on your blog:



So, what are you waiting for?


============================
The Mixes Thus Far:
============================

Volume 1: Total Absorption

Volume 2: Snotty-Ass Rock 'N Roll

Volume 3: The Under 3

Volume 4: What's In A Word?

Volume 5: No Speak English

Volume 6: Can't Wait For Halloween

Volume 7: Speed It Up

Volume 8: Geography Pop Quiz [guest-hosted by chris]

Volume 9: ABC

Volume 10: Battle of the Sexes [guest-hosted by beckeye]

Volume 11: Power Pop

Volume 12: Six Degrees [guest-hosted by beth]

Volume 13: Eargasm [guest-hosted by barbara]

Volume 14: Numb3r5

Volume 15: ROYGBIV

Volume 16: The Lenten Mix or "Man, you know this shit's not good for you" [guest-hosted by bubs]

Volume 17: COVER ME!

Volume 18: The Unheard Monkey [guest-hosted by allen lulu]

Volume 19: Gimme That Old Time Music

Volume 20: Food & Drink

Volume 21: Stop Crying and Listen

Adopt An Actor Leaps The Language Divide

I'm very proud to announce our very first adoption in a non-English language blog!

German blogger Julius Firefly has adopted the Joss Whedon regular Jonathan M. Edwards.

As Julius Firefly writes, "Character actor and an actress to adopt is at present all the rise up in the Blogosphaere. Began this ' schauerliche pleasure on I, Splotchy." (English translation courtesy of the always "reliable" babblefish).

To new and prospective adoptive parents, I say:

Welcome!
Willkommen!
Bienvenue!
æ­¡è¿Ž!
Benvenuto!
반갑습니다!
Seja bem-vindo(a)!
Bienvenido!

Leroy Says Send A Picture

Tuesday, August 21, 2007

Does This Post Seem Especially Sexy To You?

--- because I am posting this on a Mac hooked up to my wireless network.

All it took was purchasing a new router, and daisy-chaining it off my old router/firewall/modem.

God Bless You Steve Jobs, and all your expensive peripherals!

I'd Like To Thank Whole Foods

I'd like to take a minute out of the day to thank the friendly folks at the Whole Foods that recently opened just down the block from where I work.

Thanks for the two parmigiano reggiano sample cubes I got yesterday. Deee-licious!

And thanks for the following samples I got today.

1. Small piece of fudge
2. A generous hunk of chocolate muffin
3. One fancy almond
4. A cracker with some sort of spread on it
5. A piece of chipotle bread dipped in olive oil
6. One more generous hunk of chocolate muffin

Thanks for offering the samples of raw pork sausage, but I decided to take a pass on it today.

See you soon!

Hypothetical Quotes By People of Distinction



René Descartes: "I thought I was."

Unconnected Tuesdays

A forest fire

A hunk of fluorite

Monday, August 20, 2007

One Week Without A Coke

I have made it seven days without any kind of caffeinated beverage.

I noticed the cap to the last 20-oz Coke I imbibed sitting on my desk (no, I didn't lick it, I didn't talk to it, I didn't kiss it).

To celebrate my sobriety, here are the codes found on the inside of the cap.

5TNL
PHXX
PAKR


I honestly don't know what these codes represent. If you end up using them and win a whole bunch of money, please split it with me. I gots babies to feed!

Talk To The Drunken Severed Head


Hi, if you would like doing a favor for not only me, but for my adopted actor David Patrick Kelly as well, please leave a comment for a certain Drunken Severed Head here.

He was granted an interview with Mr. Kelly back in May (and has a pic to prove it!), but has yet to post it. I tried leaving a comment showing my enthusiasm for the yet-to-be-published interview, but was met with the cold sting of silence (though I believe I saw the head briefly poke around my blog after I left my comment).

The head, despite the fact it is drunk and severed, seems to be a most jovial and agreeable sort of appendage. I was hoping I could enlist your support in urging him to share the thoughts of David Patrick Kelly with the rest of the DPK-deprived blogosphere.

Thank you for your time and consideration.

The Gayest Video Ever

From the forthcoming Splotchy compendium, The Big Book Of Gay Videos:

Sting - Fortress Around Your Heart


If anyone wants to challenge me on this, please feel free to post your own nomination for the gayest video ever.

Oh, and you can't choose Imagination's "Just An Illusion" as it has already been posted here.

Snotty-Ass Rock 'N Roll - Track Listing

Hi, just a few loose ends to tie up, and GMMP Volume 2, Snotty-Ass Rock 'N Roll, will be available for download.

To tide you over, this is the track listing of the upcoming mix.

01 - Gogol Bordello- I Would Never Wanna Be Young [bigshoulders]
02 - The Ramones - Beat on the Brat [bigshoulders]
03 - PJ Harvey - Who the F*ck? [bigshoulders]
04 - Pixies - Debaser [bigshoulders]
05 - The Clash - Guns of Brixton [bigshoulders]
06 - Morphine - Sharks [bigshoulders]
07 - Yeah Yeah Yeahs - Rich [bigshoulders]
08 - Kaiser Chiefs - I Predict a Riot [bigshoulders]
09 - Ween - Piss Up A Rope [chris]
10 - Bobby Darin - Down With Love [chris]
11 - Descendents - Sour Grapes [chris]
12 - Etta James - Losers Weepers (pt. 1) [chris]
13 - Phil Ochs - Love Me, I'm A Liberal [chris]
14 - Rev. Horton Heat - Nurture My Pig! [chris]
15 - They Might Be Giants - Prevenge [chris]
16 - Ben Folds Five - Song For The Dumped [chris]
17 - Iggy Pop - Dog Food [bubs]
18 - Green Day - Platypus [bubs]
19 - Public Image Ltd. - Fodderstompf [bubs]
20 - Lou Reed - Dirt [bubs]
21 - The Cramps - People Ain't No Good [bubs]
22 - Brian Eno - Baby's On Fire [bubs]
23 - Sex Pistols - Pretty Vacant [bubs]
24 - X Ray Spex - Oh Bondage, Up Yours [bubs]
25 - Guns 'N Roses - Welcome to the Jungle [flannery alden]
26 - Nirvana - Smells Like Teen Spirit [flannery alden]
27 - Lily Allen - Smile [flannery alden]
28 - Alanis Morissette - You Outta Know [flannery alden]
29 - The Old Crow Medicine Show - Union Maid [flannery alden]
30 - Justin Timberlake - SexyBack [flannery alden]
31 - Destiny's Child - Survivor [flannery alden]
32 - Oasis - Married With Children [flannery alden]
33 - Mekons - Memphis, Egypt [splotchy]
34 - Public Enemy - 911 Is A Joke [splotchy]
35 - Devo - (I Can't Get No) Satisfaction [splotchy]
36 - Beck - Truckdrivin' Neighbor Downstairs (Yellow Sweat) [splotchy]
37 - The Doors - Peace Frog [splotchy]
38 - The Dictators - Two Tub Man [splotchy]
39 - Modern Lovers - Pablo Picasso [splotchy]
40 - The Jesus And Mary Chain - I Hate Rock 'N Roll [splotchy]

BONUS TRACKS

I mentioned when providing my own snotty list, that there was a Butthole Surfers song that I wanted to include, but I thought people would find too offensive. bigshoulders remarked that he felt like he held back a little bit. Why are we holding back?! This is a snotty mix.

So, I asked each participant to provide a snotty song that they initially didn't include because it was too damned snotty. Listener beware!

41 - Patti Smith Group - Rock N Roll Nigger [bigshoulders-extra snotty]
42 - Ween - Baby Bitch [chris-extra snotty]
43 - The Rotters - Sit On My Face Stevie Nicks [bubs-extra snotty]
44 - Violent Femmes - Add It Up [flannery alden-extra snotty]
45 - Butthole Surfers - 22 Going On 23 [splotchy-extra snotty]

When chris gets back from vacation, I'll ask him for his extra snotty song. Shortly after, the songs should be available.

Saturday, August 18, 2007

Food Plus Time Equals Comedy

Ok, I warned you that I had one more Illiois State Fair post to go along with my State Fair recap post, and now here it is.

When I was a lad growing up in Springfield, my family would go to the Illinois State Fair every year. My dad would usually drag us to a particular building that displayed lots of different foods that had been submitted for judging. Farmers would submit fruits and vegetables, people would bake pies and cakes, breads, etc. You would submit your food, it would be judged, and if you won your category I'm guessing you would get some sort of monetary prize.

Now, the fair runs 8 or 9 days. The food goes up for display in a building at the start of the fair, and stays there until the fair is over. My dad would prefer going the second weekend of the fair, when all the cakes, vegetables, etc., were in less than stellar condition. To put it bluntly, the food was rotting. This is just his sense of humor, which for the most part was passed down to me intact.

Now, in my childhood this building was not air-conditioned. If it was 90 degrees outside, it was pretty much the same temperature in the building. These days the building is air-conditioned, but still the ravages of time work their magic over the week that the food sits out.

I took pictures the first weekend of the fair, and asked my brother (who is down there this weekend) to take some pictures the second weekend.

Here are the results. Enjoy!

Carrots and Lettuce, before:


And after. Note the carrots are somewhat dessicated, the lettuce mottled.


Peppers before


Peppers after



Eggplants before


Eggplants after


Barbecue Bites before


And after



Pies before


After


Alien cake before


And after (no change)


Apparently after I left the fair, they had some sort of Spam cooking contest. Here are some of the entries. I'm assuming that they looked more appetizing when first displayed, though I can't verify this.


Spam Something


More Spam



One last picture of a delectable Illinois State Fair entry. Who wants dip?



Thanks again to my brother for braving the putrid stench of rotten food to get these lovely pictures.

Friday, August 17, 2007

Green Monkey Music Project, Vol. 2 - Snotty-Ass Rock 'N Roll

Hi!

Okay, Bigshoulders and Chris have graciously signed on to Volume 2.

chris has also noted he is going away on a little web hiatus. So, rather than have him go into the wild without knowing the mix he had gotten himself into, I am cutting short the enormous suspense regarding the theme of Volume 2 (plus, I think people might have been a little reluctant to sign on due to the picture of Johnny Cash flipping the bird).

The theme for this mix is snotty music. Snotty is a state of mind, and is entirely subjective. You'll know it when you hear it. I want you to dig deep into your collections for your most cherished snotty, flipping-the-bird music.

Here are the snotty songs I dredged up:

01 - Mekons - Memphis, Egypt
02 - Public Enemy - 911 Is A Joke
03 - Devo - (I Can't Get No) Satisfaction
04 - Beck - Truckdrivin' Neighbor Downstairs (Yellow Sweat)
05 - The Doors - Peace Frog
06 - The Dictators - Two Tub Man
07 - Modern Lovers - Pablo Picasso
08 - The Jesus And Mary Chain - I Hate Rock 'N Roll

Though I've numbered them from 1 to 8, I'm planning on putting myself last on this particular mix 'cause I was first on Volume 1.

I also have another song that I am afraid of including in the mix due to its somewhat offensive nature, but it is the pièce de résistance of snottiness:

Butthole Surfers - 22 Going On 23

Maybe I'll make it a bonus track or somethin'.


UPDATE!

We have our participants!

Bigshoulders!
Chris!
Bubs!
Flannery Alden!
Splotchy!

If it matters to the participants' mixing sensibilities, their positions in Volume 2 will be ordered like the above (Bigshoulders first, Splotchy last).

So, again, the rules. Snotty Music. 5-8 songs per person. Just add your list of artist and song titles as a comment on this post. I'll get the music from my magic jukebox. If I have a problem getting a song, I'll let you know.

Some of my song selections have very colorful profanity. Profanity is not a requirement to this mix -- I just wanted to let you know this mix might not be appropriate for the ears of the innocent.

One More Thing To Sweeten The Deal

Hi, I just want to add one final piece of nutty goodness.

Participants in the Green Monkey Music Project will be given an honorary badge recognizing their contribution:




If you don't want to participate, please still feel free to pick up a Meaningless Cherry Award.

Green Monkey Mix Project, Volume 2 - A Call For Participants

Hi, encouraged by the response to the initial offering of the Green Monkey Mix Project (GMMP), I'm revving up for Volume 2, which promises to be more fun than the last.

bigshoulders and chris expressed an interest in participating in the next mix, so they can join in on this one if they have a hankering.

Here's some guidelines and helpful info.

  1. This mix will have a total of five participants (including me). So, there are a total of four slots for fellow musically-minded bloggers to step into.

  2. For this mix, the participants can provide from 5 to 8 songs centered around the theme of the project. (40 songs feels like a nice number for a well-rounded mix)

  3. When I announce the theme for the project, I'll also be posting my song choices. The other participants can just write a comment on the theme announcement post to provide their own song choices.

  4. You don't need to give me the songs. Just give me the artist and song title and I'll get it. If I am unable to get a song, I'll ask you for it. You'll be able to hear your song choices before the mix is published, so's you can make sure I didn't screw anything up. If you're dead set on giving me the songs, that's fine, too.



Now, assuming I haven't scared you away with all the above funny business, here's a hint of the theme of the next mix:

Thursday, August 16, 2007

How Do You Feel About...


On my other blog, for the current band I'm highlighting, Mr. Speed (a KISS tribute band), regular visitors Flannery Alden and Jess have politely abstained from voting.

They have been really supportive of my writing both here and on my new blog, for which I am eternally thankful. They have also both had some marvelous insights regarding band dynamics.

There are countless possible reasons why they chose to abstain, but I inferred my own reasons, and now I have a strange little thought rattling around in my head. Was the vote declined due to an underlying hostility to KISS?

Then it got me thinking. How do people in general feel about KISS? They were absolutely huge back when I was a kid. They have made a reasonably large splash in the pop culture pool.

I know how I feel about them, but I want to know how you feel about them.

So?

Hypothetical Quotes By People of Distinction

Nostradamus:
"The man of spots will sit
In front of his skyless window:
Writing words never traced by human hand,
Placed in mouths that never speak them."
(translated from orig. French)

Imagine Something Witty About The Number Four Here

I have been tagged by the effervescent SamuraiFrog with a series of questions.

Four jobs I've had or currently have in my life:

  1. I worked several summers as a dishwasher at a Shakey's in Springfield, which I actually enjoyed a large part of the time. They tried to give me more responsibility, but I basically argued my way into remaining the dishwasher. For a brief, unhappy time I handled the chicken/fish friers, which I didn't like for a variety of reasons (prepping chicken, getting burnt by grease spatters from water-filled giblets, and emptying the grease at the end of the night).

  2. One summer I thought I'd try get a different job, something un-Shakey. I tried getting a job at Blockbuster Video. I tried getting a job as a stocker at a supermarket. Nobody wanted me. I ended up getting hired at a Dairy Queen. This particular DQ also had a grill. After my first day of training, learning all about the secret curlicue technology DQ employs on their soft serve ice cream, a redneck faintly-mustached fella handed me a piece of metal that was used for shaking fries into the little fry sacks. I was very unhappy when I realized that once again I would be on fry detail. Redneck guy took my sour expression as uncertainty regarding how to use the fry shoehorn, so in his most encouraging voice he said, "You slide it in. It's just like pussy." I quit the next day and signed back up with Shakey's.

  3. When I was in college, I worked at a video arcade. I was hired primarily because I was a musician. The manager assumed that musicians would be mechanically-minded, and would be more likely able to do minor maintenance on the machines when they broke down. He was quite wrong about me. One night I made the mistake of locking myself out of the back room. I ended up having to to take the door off of its hinges to get in. Classy, eh?

  4. Also in college I had a job making pizza dough at Godfather's pizza. Excepting the manager, there were a lot of really nice people that worked there. At the restaurant they had a conveyor oven that people would put pizzas in on one side, they'd roll through, and by the time they would come out on the other side they would be cooked. Unless it was very busy, no one would be standing, waiting for the pizzas to come out. Still, you had to keep your eye on the oven, because food could get backed up and burn. It was customary to loudly say "Cut table!" when you saw food coming out of the oven and you yourself couldn't make it over to get the food out. Someone who did have a free hand would hurry over to the oven, take the pizza out and cut it into slices. One day we closed for the day so we could do a thorough cleaning of the kitchen. We carried out all the items that weren't too heavy or bolted down into the parking lot so we could spray them down with a high-powered hose. As a coworker and an assistant manager were carrying it out, I yelled "CUT TABLE!" and actually made the assistant manager involuntarily flinch. It was one of my finest employment moments.




Four countries I have been to:

  1. Canada

  2. Mexico

  3. Italy

  4. Austria


I talk about some of my travels to foreign lands here.



Four places I'd rather be right now:

  1. Living in a nice, big house on the north side of Chicago

  2. Living in a nice, big house on the north side of Chicago

  3. Living in a nice, big house on the north side of Chicago

  4. Living in a nice, big house on the north side of Chicago



Four foods I like to eat:

  1. Homemade mac 'n cheese

  2. Chocolate cakey things

  3. Barbecue pork chops

  4. PB & J




Four personal heroes, past or present (or future):

  1. Noam Chomsky

  2. Bill Moyers

  3. Jim Henson

  4. Ralph Nader





Four books you've just read or are currently reading:
Ack. I have not been reading a lot lately.

  1. The last Harry Potter

  2. Interventions, by Noam Chomsky

  3. Assorted children's books




I am not tagging anyone at this point, but that doesn't mean it ain't happening at some point.

Wednesday, August 15, 2007

Splotchy's Contribution To Total Absorption

Hi, here's a little background on my choices for the recent Total Absorption mix.

The White Stripes - Seven Nation Army
I was a latecomer to The White Stripes. I could even go so far as to say I was willfully ignorant of them. I don't know -- I just get stubborn that way, especially when it comes to music that grabs the popular imagination. Something is popular and I get all pissy about it. I finally broke down and listened to De Stijl, then White Blood Cells and then Elephant. I now must admit their music is great, and insanely catchy. It's this song in particular, the first off their album Elephant, where I just have to hear the whole thing every damn time.

Gang Of Four - Natural's Not In It
Off the incredible album Entertainment. If you want to witness the sad spectacle of me doing air guitar, play this song.

Luna - La Poupee Qui Fait Non
Luna put out a lot of great music, but this cover of a Michel Polnareff song on Pop Romantique, a compilation of "alternative" bands covering French pop songs, has always been a favorite of mine.

Magnetic Fields - I Don't Believe You
This isn't my absolute favorite Magnetic Fields song, but I always have to hear it all the way through. Stephin Merritt's lyrics are always great, and he often has a habit of having a big whammy lyric at the end that you gleefully anticipate. It doesn't hurt that the line uses the word "ampersand", one of my all-time favorite words. There are at least a couple versions of this song -- there's a single version that is more synth-pop and quicker, but I included the version from their album i because I like the cello part.

The Beta Band - She's The One
An eight minute song? On a mix tape? Yes and yes! I know putting such a long song on a mix tape can be a little risky, but believe me, it's warranted in this case. There are occasions when I hear a song, and I am basically mesmerized by it until it finishes. If you asked me how long this song was after hearing it, I'd say four minutes. This song just sweeps you away and doesn't let go.

The Shins - New Slang
I first heard this song when I got a copy of it from Tim, who I *think* might have been hipped to it from the Garden State soundtrack. Just compiling this little post, it occurred to me that Tim has contributed some integral pieces to my musical makeup. It was Tim who, in my freshman year of college, gave me a cassette of what would become my most treasured music, The Feelies' album The Good Earth. Thank you again, Tim! In addition to the Garden State soundtrack, "New Slang" can also be found on The Shins' record Oh, Inverted World. It's a really mellow, haunting song.

Robyn Hitchcock - The Speed Of Things
This song is off the uniformly wonderful album Moss Elixir. For some reason, this song really grabs me. It's just Hitchcock singing over an electric guitar, but that's all it needs. The lyrics especially affect me.

Here's just a sample:

I fed you in your chair this morning
You made a mess of everything
By afternoon, you drove a sports car
You were driving at the speed of things


The 13th Floor Elevators - I Had To Tell You
If you aren't hep to them, the 13th Floor Elevators were a fantabulous psychedlic band from Austin, Texas that were around in the late 60's. The main creative force in the band was Roky Erickson. Roky Erickson is sort of like Neil Young. Both are capable of rocking out, but there's this delicate fragility that runs through their work.

A lot of the songs in the 13th Floor Elevators repertoire have a freaky sounding instrument in it (called the "Electric Jug"), but this song doesn't. It is a quieter, acoustic affair, and really beautiful.

Sam Cooke - Change Is Gonna Come
I knew a lot of the big hits by Sam Cooke back when I was a kid -- "Wonderful World", "Twistin' The Night Away", "Another Saturday Night", etc. It wasn't until I was an adult that I heard this song. It really displays Cooke's gospel roots. It gets me every time, every single time.

Brian Eno - Here Come The Warm Jets
I had to pick up the pace a little for the next person in the mix. Most of this song is instrumental, with some faraway singing and drumming fading in near the end. I don't know exactly what it is about this song, but it's got my name all over it.