Hey, I like commenting on other people's blogs. If that makes me a schmoozer, I guess I am schmoozer.
I have been bestowed a lovely "Schmooze" award by two esteemed bloggers -- Doctor Monkey Von Monkerstein and SamuraiFrog.
Unfortunately, there is a catch.
Apparently the strict, brutally-enforced rules of the Schmooze award specify that only five awards may be given in an Official Schmooze Award Ceremony ™.
In both cases of my schmooziness recognition, I was given a "partial schmooze" award (which is actually illegal in several states, I believe). The good doctor gave me 1/3 of an award (sharing with two other people), while The Frog gave me 1/2 of an award (shared with the incomparable Johnny Yen).
Oh, great. A GODDAMN FRACTION PROBLEM.
1/2 + 1/3 = ?
(1/2 * 3/3) + (1/3 * 2/2) = ?
3/6 + 2/6 = ?
The answer is 5/6.
I am a 5/6 schmoozer.
Seeing that I am not a full-blown schmoozer, I will bestow five awards upon other bloggers, but they will unfortunately be "partial schmooze" awards. I'm sorry. That's all I can do. If I tried to give you a full schmooze award, my life would be forfeit.
1. kristi receives 4/7 of a schmooze award because she has more than once dropped a wittily-punned comment here that just bounced off my dullard skull.
2. It might be tacky to award an award to an awardee that was an awarder that awarded an award to me, but I have to throw 1/19 of a schmooze award to Dr. Monkey Von Monkerstein, who by his comments here seems to think I am occasionally funny.
3. I have to throw some schmooze love out to Johnny Yen. Unfortunately, I can only give Mr. Yen 1/4 of a schmooze award. Please correct me if I am wrong, but with the 1/2 of an award given to him by SamuraiFrog and this 1/4 award from me, his total schmooze adds up to a 3/4 partial schmooze. If my calculations are correct, this is a mere 1/12 less than my current schmoozosity.
4. Bubs, you totally get 2/0 of a schmooze sailing out your way. I treasure each comment you drop here, but seeing as you already got a complete schmooze award from Doctor Von Monkerstein, I feel like I can give you a fraction that will break a calculator.
5. Lastly, I must give each of the following bloggers 1/423 of a schmooze award:
To anyone not mentioned above, I HATE YOU WITH ALL OF MY HEART.
No, seriously, it's really a warm feeling when someone leaves any kind of comment. If you ever have left a comment (and it wasn't an advertisement for an exciting new widget for my blog), have the knowledge you brought a smile to my pustule-covered, hideously-disfigured face.