The Internet Challenge Is Over!

The Internet Challenge is over!

Let's get to the prizes!

Jin wins the ROBOTIC BUG with a staggering 52 IC Points!


With a last minute submission of celebrities-eating-hotdogs pics, Bubs comes in second place with 25 IC points, scoring a DVD of THE WICKER MAN!




The Imaginary Reviewer, coming in third with a respectable 23 points, will have all the time in the world to enjoy his BOTTLE OF SPICY MUSTARD!



Winning contestants, please email me an address where I can send the prizes.


Thanks to all who participated. No one goes home empty-handed! Please pick up your award!

The Master Tally of Internet Challenge Points

It's a neck-and-neck race for 2nd Place.

The Imaginary Reviewer submitted something nifty about Vancouver, while Bubs submitted three new celebs eating hot dog pics (check out the awesome one of John McCain).

Who will win The Wicker Man, and who will win The Spicy Mustard?


THIS IS THE LAST DAY OF THE IC, PEOPLE. IF YOU WANT A PRIZE YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE TO STEP UP.

OR IF YOU'RE JIN AND DON'T WANT A PRIZE, YOU WILL HAVE TO SOMEHOW STEP DOWN.

The Internet Challenge is an arbitrary contest I have started wherein I give my readers tasks to complete online in exchange for Internet Challenge (IC) points.

Punctuality is rewarded in this contest. The first person who completes a challenge will receive an additional IC point.

All contestants are competing for exciting prizes.

Jin: 52 points
Bubs: 25 points
The Imaginary Reviewer: 23 points
Flannery Alden: 16 points
Beckeye: 15 points
Chef Cthulhu: 11 points
Some Guy: 8 points
Gifted Typist: 8 points
p0nk: 7 points
SamuraiFrog: 5 points
Randal Graves: 3 points
Distributorcap: 2 points
Mommy Lisa: 1 point
Domboy: 1 point
Comrade Kevin: 1 point
DGuzman: 0 points

Internet Challenge #20 (Final Challenge!)

Per The Imaginary Reviewer and Jin's brilliant suggestions, please find me clips of TV shows that were cancelled after one episode.

Note: The Internet Challenge will be over at the stroke of midnight (CST) of April 15th, 2009.

GODSPEED, contestants!

UPDATE:

Dr. Zaius: "How about shows that should have been canceled after one episode?"

Okay, Dr Z. I'm now allowing shows that SHOULD have been canceled after one episode as well. I have to agree with your assessment about the show to award a point, however.





Holy cow, I am quite surprised this challenge was doable! I am going to take back my original concession to Dr. Z.

Only videos of shows that appeared for one episode will result in the awarding of an IC point. But please, don't let that stop you from submitting your favorite clip of Small Wonder!


Bubs gets 6 IC points for being first to give us five shows for the ages:

Australia's Naughtiest Home Videos

Emily's Reasons Why Not



Heil Honey I'm Home



Secret Talents of the Stars



South of Sunset (Ladies and Gentlemen, the acting prowess of Glenn Frey)


Jin gives us two quality entries for 2 IC points! Sorry I am backing out on my easing of the rules for your other submissions -- but you should be sorry for dissing Homeboys in Outer Space.

The Rich List U.S.


Rosie Live

Internet Challenge #19

Your challenge -- come up with an idea for the final Internet Challenge, #20.

Submit as many ideas as you like. I'll choose one person's idea. The person with the winning idea will get 20 IC POINTS.

Deadline for this challenge is sometime tomorrow, probably late-ish in the day.

Oh, just so you know, there isn't a deadline on any of the other challenges (that is, until the contest finally ends).

I am happy to see more pics of celebrities eating hot dogs, terrible fan fiction, politicians dancing, etc., and will award IC points for them.


UPDATE:



Hmm, I could have sworn I updated this already to reflect the winning entry to the challenge, but I guess it didn't take.

As you can see from Internet Challenge #20, I'm doing clips of videos of shows that only lasted one episode.

I thought that Jin and The Imaginary Reviewer's ideas were close enough to each other that I split the 20 IC points evenly between them.

Congrats, you crazy kids!

Internet Challenge #18

We're nearing the end of the Internet Challenge! After this one there will only be two more.

This challenge: find me videos of politicians dancing.



UPDATE:





A total of 3 IC points to Jin!

Obama!


Putin!


1 IC Point for Some Guy!

Yeltsin!



Jin dips into the well for several more dances:


Dubya!


Dubya Again!


Hillary!



Bill and Hillary!




Chef Cthulhu provides some dancing clips. Sorry, can't count the Schwarzenegger one, but the Barry and Giuliani ones are quite lovely!

Marion Barry!


Rudy Giuliani!



Flannery, as much as I would love to have Hitler on this blog, I can't count the clip you found.


Distributorcap gives us two clips for two IC points!

Condi!


Karl Rove!

Internet Challenge #17

Answer the questions posed by commenters here.

Currently there are five questions, but if more questions come through that aren't obviously an attempt at rigging the system, you can answer them as well for more pointage.

1 IC point for each reasonably lucid answer (each person limited to one answer per question). Quote the question and leave your response to it in a comment on this post.

First person to answer one of the questions gets an extra IC point.

There can be more than one correct answer, so please feel free to tackle a question that has already been addressed.


UPDATE:





6 IC points for Bubs!
5 IC points for Jin!
5 IC points for Chef Cthulhu!


Another IC point for Bubs/Jin/Chef Cthulhu!

5 IC points for Flannery!

Internet Challenge #16

Another challenge!

I have absolutely no idea if this exists, but find me some pro bowling smack talk (from pro bowlers, or fans of pro bowlers)!


UPDATE:





Flannery Alden, with 2 IC points for some pro bowler smack talk!
Big names absent, but smack talk isn't!
"Some bigger-name bowlers are missing on both sides for the first time in quite awhile," Wheeler said. "Sorry, Peoria. Wait 'til next near, or the next . . . or the next.

"The Cup will stay on the Pekin side of the river!"

Peoria captain Mike McBride also likes his team's chances.

"Unlike the Cubs, we'll be able to seal the deal this year," he said. "The new players will be able to fit in pretty well, and there's enough leadership and experience on the team that's going to pull us through."

So the article title actually contains the words "smack talk", and the bowlers are ripping on the Chicago Cubs as well. Oh, you rascals!



Randal G scores an IC point for an article on Pete "Crotch Chop" Weber.
Brash, raunchy Weber is just what bowling needs
He's introduced trash talk to bowling on TV. He trash talks his opponent. Trash talks the pins. And he's given raucus attention to the fans, whipping them into a frenzy in bowling centers across the country. Just check some of his highlights (or lowlights, depending your perspective):

— Yelling in upstart pro Michael Haugen's face after icing a title match in December: "There's no way he's gonna get his first (title) against me. No way!"

— To classy, Hall-of-Fame bowler Parker Bohn III before a TV match: "You are going down!"

— Screaming after several big strikes on all his TV appearances, all accompanied with fist pumps: "What do you think about that one?!"

— Psyching himself up after nailing down a win against Jason Couch on Sunday, but with a few more frames to go in the match: "Bury him."

— After winning his first title of the year, he addressed the home audience directly: "I am P-D-W! And I am back!"




I can't count the additional submission from Flannery, or the one from Imaginary Reviewer, as they don't quite qualify as pro bowler smack talk.



I'll give one IC point to Beckeye for the following video. I can't award points for the other videos, as I don't think they are pro bowlers, nor do they appear to be talking smack about pro bowlers. Come to think of it, I don't know if the bowlers in this video are pros either, but I'll assume they are based on their athletic physique.

Internet Challenge #15

Find me fan-created Kurt Cobain drawings and paintings!

UPDATE:






The Imaginary Reviewer, 3 IC points (1 for being first)!






Flannery Alden, 3 IC points!







Holy crap, Jin found seven pictures, and one video of someone painting a picture! 8 IC points!

An Amendment To The Internet Challenge Second Prize

Instead of a DVD of Troll 1/2, it's gonna be a copy of The Wicker Man remake, because that's what they had at the movie store when I went.

Don't worry, it's just as good a movie as the Troll opus. You won't be disappointed, future 2nd place winner!

Internet Challenge #14

Another challenge.

Find some bizarre game show videos!


UPDATE:





I wasn't quite thinking of bizarre moments on gameshows, but rather bizarre gameshows themselves, but the fact that a woman mentions "peanut butter" as something to squeeze results in Some Guy getting 2 IC points.




I have not watched this video yet, but I trust Bubs enough to give me an IC point for it:
Topless women with flags suction cupped to their nipples (NSFW!)


Two more from Bubs:





Jin gives us two links to schmazzmatastic Japanese game show videos:

Gaki Game Show clips

A Slightly NSFW Clip


Two more from Jin!

The Hot Water Endurance Making Boobs Shake Game



Bikini Girls Covered In Oil Slip 'N Slide




And Beckeye gives us three more!


I am not sure if this is a gameshow, but I'm giving it to her regardless because it involves unintentional onscreen vomiting (UOV).



Andy Kaufman on The Dating Game



Some Italian strip quiz show

Prizes! We Got Prizes!

I think I'm going to let the Internet Challenge go to a full twenty challenges.

Are you already exhausted by them? If you are, you're probably not doing them right.

Here are the prizes I will give to the people with the highest IC rating after the contest has completed.

Prize #1, Award For Highest IC Points:
A robotic bug from the excellent store Robot City Workshop!




Prize #2, Second Highest IC Points:
A DVD of Troll 1 and Troll 2 The Wicker Man!




Prize #3, Third Highest IC Points:
A bottle of spicy mustard!

Internet Challenge #13

Hi!

A new challenge.

Find me the most banal possible Tweets you can. I mean, I want them so dull that while I am reading them I will want to stab my leg with a fork to make sure I am still alive.

They can be celebrity Tweets. They can be non-celebrity Tweets. I will want you to provide the direct link to the Tweet, not just the text of it. For people who think everything about Twitter is banal, this link may change your mind.

Not valid: Tweets by people pretending to be celebrities are not acceptable. I still feel burned for laughing at (fake) Henry Rollins for folding clothes on his bed.

Also not valid: Tweets by me -- besides, my Tweets are gripping, eloquent and have flowing hair like Fabio. How could I possibly bore you? That's not an Internet Challenge question -- that was rhetorical.

Only 3 Tweets per contestant, please. One IC point per Tweet, if I deem it suitably banal.

First contestant with valid entry/entries gets an extra sparkly IC point.

I'm picking up the award for 1st place in IC points tonight. I'm spending CASH MONEY for it. I have decided the top 3 point-earners are going to win prizes.

So what are you waiting for?

YOU WANNA PRIZE YOU GOTTA MOVE YOUR THIGHS™


UPDATE:





The Imaginary Reviewer scores 2 IC points for being the first with a dull tweet, appropriately enough from Twitter user dulltweets:
"Wanted to go comb my hair so I picked up a comb. Then I changed my mind so I put it down again."

I imagine this Twitter user might have been trying to be dull, but I did not indicate that dullness had to be unintentional for this challenge.



Flannery Alden scores 2 IC points as well for these two "celebrity" Tweets:
First MC Hammer:
"Good Morning (PST)... have a great day !!! breakfast.. Time for the fish oil, protein, fruits and veg powder, glucosamine and I'm out !!!"

Just curious, was the timezone really necessary?


Dave Matthews
"I don't have a problem with traffic. I like it sometimes."

This can't really be him, can it? I find it hard to believe that anyone would unironically say this. If this Twitter account is really used by Dave Matthews, I look forward to the inevitable Tweet:

"I don't have a problem dumping shit on people taking boat tours. I like it sometimes."


Flannery, I couldn't count the Jeff Ashcroft Tweet -- cheesy yes, but not banal enough.


Jin provided a series of Tweets. I have whittled them down to two for 2 more IC points.

joeva25
"lets roll tar heels get it going early and often and bring home a title"

This might not be so banal if I liked sports, but I don't like sports.


Surferdan7771
"what happened to dakota"


Couldn't give you one for skycity96, because I actually liked the accompanying pic in the Tweet.

Couldn't read AnnetteSmieja Tweet -- she has protected her updates, possibly to prevent being ridiculed on the Internet for her banality.

I liked the Tweet of melahknee -- I might rip it off later.

And, the Tweet of canuckuk is funny if the "proof read" misspelling was intentional.

Internet Challenge #12

Hey.

Can you find any record of April Fool's pranks/jokes from 1999 on the web?

This one might be hard. 2 IC points for each example you find, and 2 IC points for the first valid answer.


UPDATE:





Holy crap, The Imaginary Reviewer scores 4 IC points for this:

                   _____/-----\   / o\
                  <____   _____\_/    >--
  +-----+              \ /    /______/
  | 10g |               /|:||/
  +-----+              /____/|
  | 10g |                    |
  +-----+          ..        X
===============================
               ^
               |
           =========


Keep those Olde Tyme pranks coming!

Internet Challenge #11

Hey, readers.

What's nice about Vancouver, B.C.?

1 IC point for each nifty thing you can find about it (niftiness will be a subjective quality deemed by me, though you can sway my idea of it with the POWER of WORDS).

After four more challenges I will announce the award for the person with the highest IC point rating!

UPDATE:





p0nk is walking the razor's edge with these challenges. It seems like he is using MEMORY instead of THE INTERNET. Memory Challenge is next month, p0nk. For your noting of celebrities being listed on Wikipedia I give you 1 IC point (and another one for being first). Ah hell, okay, another one for the hockey team. And I find your vague memory of a childhood visit to a mysterious garden somehow poignant -- another point. +4 for p0nk.

Beckeye gets a point for the 3737 restaurant factoid.

Comrade Kevin scores a point for the crazy Vancouver street pronunciation.

This is highly unusual, because Gifted Typist is Canadian and probably didn't look ANY of her facts up on the Internet. Still, they were nifty. +8 IC POINTS.


Jin gives us three cool things about Vancouver:
Woman-Owned Tattoo Parlor
Vancouver Punk Scene
Severed Feet


The Imaginary Reviewer find this enchanting description for an IC Point:
"Majestic mountains, sparkling ocean, rainforests and beautiful foliage all four seasons make Vancouver one of the most beautiful cities in the world."

Internet Challenge #10

Find me the metalest band in the universe.

Please feel free to show your work.


UPDATE:






Jin gives us GWAR for 2 IC points:



Beckeye gives us Morbid Anal Frog for 1 scary IC point:



Domboy gives us Judas Priest! As Rob Halford says in the clip, "Breaking the what?!" Did all their concerts involve pop quizzes?



Randal Graves says Manowar. Hey, they will DIE FOR METAL.



p0nk says Metallica. Here they are with the MOTHERFUCKING SAN FRANCISCO MOTHERFUCKING SYMPHONY.



So, it looks like

+2 IC Points for Jin
+1 point for Beckeye, Domboy, Randal G and p0nk.

Internet Challenge #9

Find me some awful fan fiction!

The worse, the better.

I'll be judging entries based on a variety of traits, including but not limited to:

Grammar/Spelling mistakes
Narrative logic problems
Inappropriate erotic subtext
Frequent use of sound effects
Purple prose
Retardedness


If you submit a particularly bad entry, you may earn extra IC points.

As with the other challenges, you can't cook up one of your own pieces of fan fiction to submit -- you have to find one already floating in the Internet, stinking up the place.


UPDATE:





Flannery Alden scores 2 points for being first, and finding Hermione Granger and Draco Malfoy in a moment of tenderness:

Harry Potter Erotica
"No," I edged my lips closer to his and gently kiss them, loving the taste of chocolate it possesses, probably from those chocolate frogs he loves and I felt him responding instinctively. Both of us pull away at the same time.

"I'm sad and miserable because I think...I'm in...in... love with you," the words came out in a rush from my mouth. His face contains shock and his stormy grey eyes ask me to repeat what I just said.

"I'm in love with you although I shouldn't be. You're my best friend’s enemy and so you are my enemy too,"


Beckeye serves up a slab of:

American Idol erotica
“Jesus,” David groaned, sinking his fingers deep into his friend's soft black hair.

Michael gripped David’s ass as he fell into a rhythm, in and out, in and out, in and out. Faster and faster. Tighter and tighter. Until David couldn’t think or breathe. He could barely stand. His whole body started to quake under the strain as he tried desperately to hold onto the moment.

“God, Mike, I can’t… God!”


SamuraiFrog dials into an interesting spin on Heroes. I am going to have give him an IC extra point for this entry's ridiculously vile clunkiness (I didn't know clunkiness could be ridiculously vile -- thank you fan fiction!).

Heroes Erotica
Peter felt ashamed and dirty and excited when Nathan talked like that to him, and no matter what had happened between before Haiti and now, he had not forgotten: Nathan never failed to deliver when it came to their forbidden sexual relationship.

And now Nathan was giving him Claire. The last piece of the puzzle to this unattainable incestuous love triangle that Peter had only even dreamed about. He had been in love with Claire since Odessa. His mother, Angela Petrelli, must have dreamed it, must have told Nathan, because he’d never breathed a word of it to anyone. But he was still angry. Nathan shouldn’t have had her first. Nathan didn’t love her the way he did. If anything, she was Nathan’s possession. Just like he had been. Just like you still are, Peter reminded himself.

Peter felt that white hot anger churning in his belly, beneath the ache of his body’s demand for release: the last time he’d had sex was also with Nathan, before Haiti.


Jin gives us a tender Gore V. Bush (the man, not the slang word for vagina) moment
Gore V. Bush
“Whatever. Smarty-pants. You’re supposed to be helping me, here.” George interjected. “Offering bi-partisan support or whatever it is that you liberals do when you’re not chaining yourself to trees and whatnot in protest of stuff.”

“George,” the other man’s voice was so cool, so measured, that it gave the President pause for a moment. “You are this close to getting the remainder of this now-cold latte poured down the front of your shirt.” He smiled a smile that was anything but sweet, and severely lacking in his customary Southern charms. “Make one more ‘tree hugger’ crack. I dare you.” George promptly muttered something under his breath. “What was that, dear? I didn’t catch it.”

“You look real handsome tonight,” was George’s offhanded reply. “That’s all I said.”

“That’s what I thought you said.” Al said, not without triumph.

The two meandered along, ducking a strand of crudely-hung, multicolored lights, and continuing on up between two long rows of tall, full Balsam firs. “This one’s not bad.” Al gestured to one of the tall evergreens. George wrinkled his nose.


Jin, I kind of liked the Scooby Doo and Cthulhu piece -- can't give you a point for that one.

Internet Challenge #8

Pics of celebs eating hot dogs. Get going.

(corn dogs are also acceptable)

UPDATE:




Beckeye scores two IC points for Vanessa Hudgens.



Bubs scores 5 IC points for this challenge!

John Kerry!






Nicole Richie


Obama




Some Guy scores a single IC point for another Obama pic



Another Obama pic from Bubs, raising his IC points for this post to 6!



Beckeye scores 4 MORE IC POINTS!

Jerry Lewis


Taylor Swift


George Clooney


Kelly Clarkson




Randal G sneaks in for an IC point for NYC Mayor Bloomberg



Holy crap, Mommy Lisa found this awesome Sigourney Weaver photo - 1 IC point for you!




p0nk scores two well-earned IC points for the following:

Martha Stewart



Fidel Castro



Chef Cthulhu scores three impressive IC points with the following:

Paris Hilton



Nikita Khrushchev




Marilyn Monroe




Flannery Alden serves up a pic of former Chicago Bear William "The Fridge" Perry (WTF is he doing eating at Nathan's? Chicago dogs not good enough for you, Mr. Perry?!!!)




Three more from Jin!

Pam Anderson




Drew Barrymore



3 more pics from Bubs!

Vanessa Hudgens, Part 2


John McCain


Jason Mesnick ("The Bachelor")



KEEP THOSE HOT DOG PICS COMING