A Dorky And Dangerous Meme

Okay, this has been brewing in my head a bit.

I don't know that this classifies as a "meme" (I actually have no idea *what* makes a meme a meme, honestly).

I would like you to share your favorite Dungeons and Dragons story. Ideally, the story should involve a character of yours, and will entail you describing events in the game you were playing. If it makes a better story also talking about the "real world" that your D&D game is transpiring in, that's fine.

You can provide helpful informative details in your story, but try to write under the assumption that your readers have memorized the Player's Manual, Monster Manual, and Dungeon Master's Guide. If they don't know what a vorpal blade is, that's their problem, not yours.

Assuming you have a story to share, here are some things to consider.

Why You Might Consider Posting Your Story
1. D&D adventures are, after all, ripping adventure yarns. Who doesn't love a ripping yarn?
2. Chances are there will be no one else with your exact story. This is a unique life experience that can brighten someone's day.
3. Share your exploits -- did you take on a Beholder? Damn!


Why You Might Consider Not Posting Your Story
1. You play(ed) D&D? Ewwwwww.


Okay, here's mine.

First off, I haven't put in tons of active duty in D&D campaigns. Most of my D&D experience has been through computer games, particularly the wonderful game Pool of Radiance.

My brother, who is several years my senior, would occasionally get together with some of his buddies and play D&D. At age nine, I'm sure I was a drag to a group of teenagers rolling the 20-sided. Still, one time they let me play with them.

My name was Hydrox the Cookie. I was a Gnome thief. And I was terrible.

I believe the DM of this particular game was of the "asshole" variety. At one point I was talking to members in my party, and I said something along the lines of, "We should kill that guy." Of course, since I was saying this, the DM interpreted this as my character saying this. And since my character was in a crowded street, some NPC heard me say it. Call the constables!

I think I was the only person that got caught in the ensuing scuffle with the law. I did put up a fight, but I was quickly knocked unconscious, and woke up in jail.

When I woke up in my cell, which was barren, except for a bench hanging off the wall, there was a mean rat staring at me. I didn't have a weapon and I didn't have any armor. So, what the hell was I supposed to do? It moved toward me and I kicked at it. It bit me for a couple hit points of damage.

I proceeded to get into a very uncool hissy fit. I tried kicking it again and missed. My brother was starting to get very angry at me. The rat bit me again and I went to zero hitpoints. Bang! I was out of the game. I believe at this point tears might have been welling up in my eyes.

My brother shouted, "Why didn't you just jump on the bench?!"

I said, "I don't know!"

And then I had to go to bed.

The next day, my brother informed me that I had not died, but had merely been knocked unconscious by the rat. He said that I later rejoined the party. At this point my character was played by the aforementioned "asshole" DM. Apparently, I was wounded again in an encounter with a displacer beast. But, our party prevailed and we defeated the monster, getting a generous amount of treasure in the process.

My take? A +1 dagger that extended to a +1 short sword when a button on the handle was pressed. A goddamned magic switchblade.