Friday, March 6, 2009

Sigh...



Hi-di-ho.

This is a post about me. I'm trying to make myself feel better. I don't really like talking about personal stuff too much, but since I am thinking of little else besides what's on my mind, I figure I would unload on anyone reading this.

I can be a pretty anxious fellow. I don't handle stress that well. I guess I have struggled with anxiety all my life.

I'm doing something about it now. I am taking some anti-anxiety medication. I'm seeing someone to talk about it.

My problems are not earthshaking problems. I mean, they're huge in my mind, in my emotional mind, at least. But they're not that big, intellectually speaking. There is rain forecasted for Saturday and Sunday this weekend. That's what got me all worked up now -- that's what has my anxious mind firing on all cylinders.

We have had seepage in our basement several times in the last few months, most recently last Thursday. That fucking basement is the definition of anxiety and stress and terror for me. I know, I know, compared to most any other problems, it's not that much. We have living space down there, so that's one thing. If we didn't have living space there, *maybe* I wouldn't be so freaked out about it (but I doubt it).

The last two days I have been obsessively checking Weather.com, Accuweather.com, Wunderground.com, ocdweatherwatchers.org (okay, not that one), etc. I'm constantly checking for updates on the weather situation. I guess I'm doing it in hope that the situation will mellow out, that the predicted amount of rainfall will decrease. If that happens, I feel a little better. If the forecast changes to be for heavier rain, I get more upset. If the forecast does not change at all, I keep on going back until it changes. Holy shit it's a fucking awful cycle I get myself into.

Oh shit, I'm a fucking prisoner to my anxiety. Oh fuck, fuck, fuck.

BUT....

We are doing something about it. On May 11 we are having the perimeter of our basement dug up to lay down drain tiles, and we will have a sump pump put in.

Yesterday I bought some bigass rain boots, so next time we *do* get seepage (hopefully not this weekend), I won't be traipsing through the standing water in my sneakers.

And, like I said, I'm trying to deal with my (sometimes) crippling anxiety.

What about it is so goddamn terrifying for me about the seepage? I don't know -- I have this idea of having a personal space, which unfortunately includes the fucking basement. When water comes through, I feel like my personal space is being violated. I feel like I am losing control, which is a feeling I really can't stand. I can get all funky when I get sick, because of the same feelings of loss-of-control.

The anticipation of the seepage is in some ways worse than dealing with it. Oh, don't get me wrong, dealing with it can be pretty fucking awful, too. I have had a couple meltdowns during the seepage situation when the rain just WOULD. NOT. STOP. FALLING. I didn't scream at the sky, but I certainly thought about it.

The way we did it last time was MizSplotchy was handling the seepage in the basement, while I was outside trying to get some standing water away from the house. A lot of rain fell in a short period of time last Thursday, so there was a lot of standing water. I felt a *lot* better being outside getting water away from the house, rather than working downstairs. It was kind of that whole personal space thing again. By dealing with the water outside, I was defending our personal space, as opposed to coping with my space being violated. Weird, maybe, but true.

We have a couple pumps that we can use, with attachments for garden hoses. MizSplotchy just picked up another 100 foot hose, as well as some hose wranglers. I think tonight I will probably get everything set up for the possibility of seepage. I might go to Home Depot later today to try and get some cement to seal any cracks I can find in our sidewalk. I AM SERIOUS ABOUT NOT WANTING RAIN IN MY HOUSE NOW. I AM VERY SERIOUS.

I have bothered my family with my anxiety regarding this weekend's rain. And now I am bugging you.

Sorry, phew, but it helps me to write it out. I'm looking forward to the sump pump -- if it truly does fix our basement problem, I can find some other stupid shit to get worked up about.

LOVE,


SPLOTCHY

12 comments:

Bubs said...

Basement flooding is a nightmare, and it is not wildly unreasonable to get really, really upset about it. One of my coworkers took a bunch of flood-proofing steps after last summer's hard rain, and still puts his life on hold every time extended rain is forecast...just in case. What I'm saying is, even when everything is "fixed" you'll still be anxious for a while.

Good luck.

Cheer34 said...

sorry about the anxiety.....it can be crippling and you are not alone with it......wet basements are the worst.....we had a similar problem a few years ago...inches of water seeping in....some guy said the tiles around the perimeter were probably clogged....for $5000.00 he could tear up the concrete floor and replace the tiles.....we opted for a second opinion....and fixed the problem with a drain snake unclogging the drain tiles... it worked...thankfully

Randal Graves said...

Good luck with the rains and the anxiety. Here's hoping a flash front comes through and turns it all to snow.

dguzman said...

Honey, I've been there--it can be incredibly stressful to have water in one's basement, not to mention the potential damage that can result--from electical to mold to ruined dryers (remember mine?), etc. I also partake of the anti-anxiety meds, and I can't express how much they've improved my life (not to mention the lives of people around me!). Still--it's easy to get overwhelmed. Take care, you wonderful guy.

SamuraiFrog said...

I'm sorry to hear about all of this. I had a girlfriend in high school whose basement flooded in the summer of '93, and I was up to my knees helping her save her things. Basement flooding is awful. I hope you get everything in order as soon as you can.

The Imaginary Reviewer said...

Hang in there man. It's not something I've had to experience but it sounds like a complete nightmare; your angst is understandable. Good luck, I hope all goes well.

Lockwood said...

I don't talk too much about personal stuff either, but let's say I can relate. I had a basement apartment on a sump a few years back. I was house sitting over a very rainy Christmas, and the sump went out. I came home to four feet of water. I didn't actually loose everything- some of it, at least, would have been salvageable. But I was so emotionally devastated, I just walked away. So, in addition to anxiety and depression, I can tell you that water in the basement does *NOT* seem like a minor, trivial concern. For what it's worth, you have my condolences.

Dale said...

I've been lucky enough to lived through basement flooding issues in 3 different places and it's just a dream come true I know!

I hope that the fix works Splotchy. Anxiety's a terrible demon to fight.

Some Guy said...

Man, I can totally relate to what you're saying. About personal space. About anxiety. About not wanting to burden others. I hope all the steps you're taking to rectify this stuff works.

Fucking rain.

subtorp77 said...

Splotchy, I used to help build houses. Even the best designed drainage systems can fail. Our state building codes are anal about it. And sorry to hear of all the stress. It seems we do it to ourselves, all the time. Even over the littlest of things. I know, I've been there. But also, just being able to write about it or tell others what's going on, is the best therapy you can get. And no prescription required.

jin said...

Sending you *BIG cyberhugs*

I know about basement flooding (for quite a while the ex & I lived in my parents basement; 2 massive floods in 3 years)
I know about anxiety
(that's the reason my online personality is so much bolder than the real me)

So, I've no good advice. I'll just send you some good vibes.
:-)

Distributorcap said...

that is what is so nice about apt living - no seepage in the basement and no mowing the lawn