Monday, February 11, 2008
Six Degrees Of Blah Blah Blah
For today's career retrospective, let's focus on an actor who has a stupid game named after him.
Together, let's relive the glorious career of Kevin Bacon.
Animal House (1978)
Lots of funny moments in this movie. It's all downhill from here for Mr. Bacon, unfortunately. Oh, and if you're the kind of person who repeatedly quotes his dialogue from this movie (e.g. "All is well!"), you're a douche who probably quotes Caddyshack way too much too. STOP IT!
Starting Over (1979)
This is that Burt Reynolds movie, right? With Jill Clayburgh? I don't remember it sucking that bad, nor do I remember Kevin Bacon in it.
Hero at Large (1980)
Didn't see it.
Friday the 13th (1980)
All the Friday the 13th movies suck, even the one they did in 3D. That being said, it was nice to see Mr. Bacon sliced down the middle as he was doing a walking handstand. Because, frankly, how many times do you really get to see that kind of thing?
Only When I Laugh (1981)
This isn't the Kristy McNichol movie where she actually says the name of the movie in her dialogue, is it? It is?! Oh, mercy.
I saw this movie a long time ago. I don't remember it as being entirely sucky. It must have been pretty good to counteract the presence of Steve Guttenberg. I believe Bacon's character was good at Jeopardy, which showed how crazy smart he was.
Forty Deuce (1982)
Didn't see this movie. [Insert your own dropping a deuce joke here]
The Demon Murder Case (1983) (TV)
Didn't see it.
Enormous Changes at the Last Minute (1983)
I like this movie title! Didn't see it.
Absolutely ridiculous. If we all could solve life's frustrations by dancing at a flour mill, what a wonderful world it would be etc. etc.
Mister Roberts (1984) (TV)
Didn't see it, but how could a TV movie remake of an old comedy be anything other than superb?
The Little Sister (1985) (TV)
Nope, didn't see it.
If you were moved by Footloose, it won't be much of a stretch to root for a former stockbroker bicycle messenger in a Guardian Angels beret.
White Water Summer (1987)
No idea what this is.
End of the Line (1987)
Planes, Trains & Automobiles (1987)
A really sappy, awful movie -- RIP, John Candy
Lemon Sky (1988) (TV)
Don't know it, might be related to Vanilla Sky or The Chocolate War, though I doubt it.
She's Having a Baby (1988)
Didn't see it. I would love it if this movie title was like the English translations for some of the films of Yasujiro Ozu -- how about, "She's Having A Baby, But..."
Criminal Law (1988)
Wow, this is a bad movie.
The Big Picture (1989)
I like this movie -- it's not great, but not bad. RIP J.T. Walsh
Saw a half hour of it. What I saw wasn't bad.
Crappy, but you should already know my feelings from my Joel Schumacher retrospective.
Pyrates with a 'y'? I don't think I need to see this.
Queens Logic (1991)
He Said, She Said (1991)
I said I didn't see it.
Loved Joe Pesci's eyebrows!
A Few Good Men (1992)
If there's one movie quote I could magically erase from the pop culture, it would be "You can't handle the truth!" Oh, and this movie sucked.
New York Skyride (1994)
Huh? What the?
The Air Up There (1994)
Hmm, what was this... Kevin Bacon and basketball in an African village? Would stating it probably sucks be a fair estimation?
The River Wild (1994)
The River Stupid is more like it. Am I right, folks?!!
Murder in the First (1995)
Kevin Bacon is in prison. Good.
Apollo 13 (1995)
I didn't see this. I'm sure it was awe-inspiring and humbling, when it wasn't too busy sucking hard.
Didn't see it. Blah blah blah.
Picture Perfect (1997)
This isn't the movie with John Travolta and Jamie Lee Curtis, is it? Because that movie sucked, but probably not as much as this one.
Telling Lies in America (1997)
This movie was written by Joe Eszterhas, and was not seen by me.
Digging to China (1998)
Don't know it.
Wild Things (1998)
Didn't see it.
Stir of Echoes (1999)
My friend worked on this! I didn't see it!
My Dog Skip (2000)
Nope. Not seen by me.
Hollow Man (2000)
Saw a little bit of it. Blah blah.
This was a Steve Martin movie, right? Didn't see it.
Mystic River (2003)
Didn't see it, though I understand it's a jaunty romp.
In the Cut (2003)
Don't know it.
The Woodsman (2004)
Cavedweller (2004) (TV)
Beauty Shop (2005)
The Queen Latifah movie?
Where the Truth Lies (2005)
No idea about this one.
The Air I Breathe (2007)
Your guess is as good as mine.
Death Sentence (2007)
Finally, a movie I have seen! Sucked.
Rails & Ties (2007)