If I were a writer for The Onion, you bet I would have suggested a funny story revolving around the Lolcat phenomenon. From what I can tell with my limited abilities using Google, this trend has not yet been skewered by them.
My article would have been something like "Majority of US cats now being raised for LOL pictures".
The piece that I would have written in The Onion would have not been very funny, honestly. And, most likely, I would be fired after a few weeks, when they realized I was bereft of ideas that matched The Onion's particular niche of comedy.
Before being fired, I would attempt to transition to a position in their non-funny but nevertheless stellar site A.V. Club. I would be entrusted to write a review about a new album by Sleater-Kinney. Instead of listening to the album, I'd procrastinate. At the last minute, I'd try and get my mom to write my album review for me, but she would refuse.
My editor at the A.V. Club would regrettably fire me for providing a hacked-up piece of piffle about Sleater-Kinney.
I'd have one last chance working in the ad department, but I'd accidentally (and unintentionally) say something extremely offensive about Burton-Marsteller, and whammo! Fired.
I'd be so angry, on my last day I'd run around with my pants off, peeing on anyone and anything I could get near.
Security would be called, and I would be sent to jail for being a weenie waver (for the record, I would be getting no sexual gratification from peeing on The Onion's staff and property).
So, maybe it's best for me not to be a writer at The Onion. And it had started out with such promise!