Reconsidering Fantasy Role-Playing

As faithful readers of my blog will know, it is no secret that I have dabbled in the dark art of Dungeons and Dragons.

I must admit that I have been drawn again to the siren song of fantasy role-playing games (RPG).

However, I'd like to take a cautious step into the unfamiliar, blossoming world of other RPG games, to a world outside D&D, perhaps to a world without tragedy -- where a gnome thief in his underpants getting bit by a rat and nearly dying is only a troubled teen's fanciful nightmare.

At this point, I'm considering two possible options for my new RPG adventures.

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I'm intrigued by RuneQuest, the RPG Royal Crown Cola to D&D's Coke.

I have taken an interest in this particular game module.



I tremble at the description of the world I may be thrust in:

"Taint is evil. It is a corruption so deep that it warps the very plane of reality."

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I have one more fantasy RPG I am also considering -- Werewolf: the Apocalypse. I am having some difficulties following the elaborate details of this wondrous game, but this particular entry caught my eye in the game's House Rules:

Triatic Taint - This rule covers Wyrm-Taint, Wyld-Taint and Weaver-Taint. As described in the Player’s Guide to the Garou, Taint is a trait ranging between 1 and 5 dots. When sensory Gifts are used to detect Taint, the difficulty, normally left vague in the books, acts upon the following base of 9-Taint level. Thus a Fomor with 3 Taint is detected with a 6 difficulty unless other modifiers apply. STs and Assistants may determine what outside factors will affect this difficulty such as ambient triatic energies and assign a modifier at their discretion. Detecting a Gorgon is obviously much easier in the midst of a factory than in the middle of an insane asylum. Levels of Taint for various character types are listed in the FAQs relating to those character types, but a ‘generic’ possessed creature with no Autonomy trait can generally be assumed to have about 3 dots of Taint unless specified otherwise. Characters with the Touched Background also have one dot of Taint per level of the Background.

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I'll keep you informed as to my decision. As Marachi Zed Caracas, 3rd Level Ranger of Ooln once said, "T'aint a decision to be taken lightly, me lads."

How Dare You Tag My Taint

Fellow blogger jess has made the unfortunate mistake of engaging me in what can only be described as a taint escalation of mutually assured destruction (check out her comment).

This battle will make the current Doctor Monkey Von Monkerstein - Dr. Zaius imbroglio look like two monkeys trying to f*ck a football.

You want a taint post, jess?

I GIVE YOU A TAINT POST!!!!!

Where In The World Is Jess Wundrun?

Only she can truly appreciate this headline:

Burris' Continuing Struggle to Remove Blagojevich's 'Taint'



If you dare, revisit the historic taint wars between Jess and I here and here.


Thanks to Bubs for the Taint Tip!

It's Insane, This Guy's Taint!

The word "taint" popped up multiple times on July 9th for me, including a post of my own.

michael k, in a comment on a post by Grant Miller that very same day mentioned a beloved sketch on the wonderful HBO comedy series Mr. Show.

It bears worth including here.

Thank Ye Kindly

Hi, just wanted to give thanks to Becca and J.D. for displaying incredible generosity in bestowing the following upon me:

From what I have seen, people given such an award can then in turn award it to five other bloggers. If it's okay, I'm gonna put these in my goodie bag to give out later, as I have the vapors lately.

Thanks also to MC for this lovely l'il slice of Homeric heaven:


A possible award in YOUR future

How's about I whip up a suitable image for the winner of the informal gayest video ever contest, which is currently ongoing. Just be warned you have some fierce competition -- here as well as here (and there are some mighty gay video links in the comments section of these posts as well).


To Jess Wundrun specifically: I probably should have made up a Taint Award for you in recognition of your amazing performance in the Taint Wars -- if you still want one, I'll gladly make you a slightly disturbing one. Okay, maybe more than slightly disturbing.

Goddesses Walk Among Us

You may be unaware of the fact that goddesses walk among us.

Did you know that a recent trip to the US by ten-year-old Sajani Shakya, one of Nepal's three highest ranking living goddesses, nearly resulted in her loss of stature of godliness?


U.S. trip costs girl living goddess title (July 3rd, 2007)

KATHMANDU, Nepal, July 3 (UPI) -- Ten-year-old Sajani Shakya's visit to the United States apparently tainted her purity, forcing her to give up her the title of Nepal's "Living Goddess."


Goddess cleansed of U.S. taint (July 19th, 2007)

BHAKTAPUR, Nepal, July 19 (UPI) -- A 10-year-old Nepalese girl can retain her position as a living goddess despite having made a trip to the United States.

Sajani Shakya accompanied a documentary filmmaker to promote a movie about the Kumaris -- prepubescent girls revered by Hindus and Buddhists in Nepal as living incarnations of a goddess.

Temple elders in Bhaktapur said the trip might have made her unclean, but they later said she would return to her life as a goddess after undergoing a ritual cleansing, the BBC reported.

I Surrender, And T'aint Gonna Fight No More

The latest shot from the powerful, subtle taint gun of jess has mortally wounded me.

As I was cooking up a post for my response, detailing the analysis of a cat's anogenital distance (warning! animal genitalia pix!) to determine its sex, I realized the battle had already been lost.

I humbly accept defeat. Sweaty, smelly defeat.

Some Sobering Facts About Wine

Now that I have gotten the attention of the professional and amateur chemists of my blog readership with my impromptu quiz, I now feel I can address a serious problem.



Look at that. Isn't it beautiful?

Some people call it 2,4,6-trichloroanisole.
The kids call it TCA.
The old folks call it C₇H₅OCl₃
I like to call it Sheila.

How could such an angelic-looking, sweet, innocent compound have such an insidious effect on our lives, on our very world?

The answer may disgust you.
The answer may frighten you.
The answer may potentially neither disgust nor frighten you.

I, of course, speak of the embarrassing stench of cork taint.

In Regards To What Did I Surrender ?

All about the brief skirmish here.

Go for the taint, stay for the gospel guitar. You won't be sorry.

Drink Names In Search of a Recipe

Mizbubs and Bubs are always busily brewing up new fanciful drinks at their well-appointed compound, among them the Don Ho Motherf*cker.

I don't know that I have the mixological knowledge or inspiration to create my own drink, but I'll try to contribute in my own fashion by providing drink names in search of a recipe.

Seeing as you can't swing a dead cat without hitting a cutely-named mixed drink, I imagine some of these already exist (I did try Googling them before including here, however).

The Apoplectic Lizard
The Merle Haggard
Behind The Deadly Wheel
The Golden Boner
Orange Squirrel
The Gender Bender
Ridin' The Pony
The Sweaty Taint
Heavy Lifting
A Bloody Mess
Foo-Foo Fubar
THX-1138
Waukegan Dynamite

Happy Whatever Splotchy Says Day: Your Third And Final Assignment

Hi!

Are we already at the last assignment? Yes? Wow, my inflated sense of power and self-worth are already diminishing. Before these feelings completely leave my body, I will leave the following tasks for you. These are not required to be completed by today, but if it could happen over the next couple weeks, it would be appreciated.

Thanks.

SPLOTCHY SAYS:

Dr. Zaius, you will use your mad photoshopping skills to make me a "Call Me Splotchy" version of the pulp paperback copy you created (based on the Sleestak original). After it has been completed I will gladly contribute my own pulp story.

Bubs, you will have your picture taken in Vegas in your Elvis getup, either in a karate pose, or giving a karate kick.

Cowboy The Cat, you will find a public place in Carbondale on which you write "Splotchy Is Nifty". It doesn't have to be big, visible to the casual observer, and it doesn't have to be there forever, etc. Extra points if you take a pic of it.

Tim, you will lend me your copy of Sonic Youth's Rather Ripped.

SamuraiFrog, you will write a limerick that rhymes Carla Gugino and neutrino. An acceptable alternative to this is simply posting pictures of Carla Gugino and neutrinos (in the same post, obviously).

To the NYC bloggers meeting tonight (including FranIAm and Distributorcap): at some point during the festivities you will toast me, Splotchy!

The Idea Of Progress - you will dedicate next year's The Idea Of Progress Day to me, Splotchy.

Tenacious S - you will add me to your blogroll! I was there before, and I will be there again!

Grant Miller - For one day, you will change your avatar to a picture of you in a Hawaiian shirt.

Dr. Monkey Von Monkerstein - You will let me hold the Crunky.

Jin - you're wearing my doodle. What more could I ask for?

Anandamide - You will wrap up your contest. The suspense is killing me!

The Drunken Severed Head - Three letters - DPK.

Jess - You'll make one more taint post, for old time's sake.

Dguzman - You will dedicate a small piece of the sidebar on your blog, where you will keep a picture of a fluffy cloud. This will potentially keep the winter blahs away for both you and your readers (well, me definitely).

To those not specifically given a task to complete, please add a comment to this post to indicate the largest mammal you believe Splotchy could physically subdue, using only his bare hands. People who have been given tasks are also welcome to comment on this as well.


Thanks to everyone who made this nonexistent holiday existent!