Thursday, October 30, 2008

Wednesday, October 29, 2008

Some Righteous Shit

It's been over a month. Let's go to the La Grange!

What were my choices?

Mamma Mia! - No, not for mia.

Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants 2 - I still haven't seen Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants 1.

Ghost Town - I saw this already.

Righteous Kill - Hell yeah!

Ah, the title of this movie. For some reason it brings to mind some made-up phrase a surfer or skateboarder would use in a retarded screenwriter's mind. This would be the perfect title for a sequel to Gleaming The Cube. Actually, the perfect title for a sequel to Gleaming The Cube would be Christian Slater Sits On A Sharp Pole For 90 Minutes.

But I digress.

This isn't a skateboarding movie, though a skateboarding pimp does make a brief appearance before he is shot to death. No, he does not have the time to say to his murderer, "Dude, that was so not a righteous kill!"

I'm going to give one or two spoilers in this review, so if you don't like shitty movies spoiled, stop reading now (and I feel sorry for you).

This movie has everything. DeNiro! Pacino! Gugino!

Gugino? Yes, this movie has Carla Gugino. If you'll allow me to briefly objectify women, she is one of two women on my "list". In other words, hubba hubba to the nth degree. This movie may have resulted in her being taken off the list.

Let me explain. We are introduced to her character as she comes home at night. As she is taking off her coat, etc., a hand reaches around her mouth and grabs her. Later we learn, oh, that was just her boyfriend, Social Security recipient Robert DeNiro. Oh, and it turns out she likes getting grabbed in her apartment.

And she likes being treated roughly during sex. And she gets turned on when DeNiro beats up people. She essentially functions as an object of hostile male sexual aggression throughout the movie. And she is screwing an old guy. Ewwwwww. So, my objectification of Ms. Gugino has been ruined by this stupid movie. And her role actually gets even worse (see below).

Regarding DeNiro and Pacino, holy crap did I not give a shit that these two "legends" shared screen time in this movie. I remember when people oohed and aahed at the restaurant scene between them in Michael Mann's Heat. I thought, "Who gives a shit?"

Well, this movie was an hour and a half of "who gives a shit". DeNiro was puffy, and Pacino was decrepit. Absolutely decrepit. These guys are supposedly seasoned detectives of the NYPD. The seasonings have not done a good job of masking their putrefaction. They are old. The film opens with a montage of them at the shooting range, gleefully destroying targets, interspersed with scenes with DeNiro coaching girls' baseball and Pacino playing chess. Who gives a shit?

The source of the supposed drama of this turkey is that you are given the impression that DeNiro has been killing criminals extrajudicially for a period of time, when the stupid good-for-nothing ineffectual justice system does not do its job of properly convicting them. We see criminal after criminal implausibly killed by an unseen unassailant. Each victim is left with a small handwritten poem.

As the movie progressed, it got so boring that I thought to myself, "Well, they probably are going to reveal that it's not DeNiro doing the killings, because this movie is so fucking boring." Sure enough, it's not DeNiro. Is it Gugino? No, it's not Gugino. Is it Pacino? Yes, it is Pacino.

Eventually somebody gets the crazy idea that it might be a cop doing the killings. Do they look at handwriting samples of the various police officers, to search for a match with the handwritten notes? No, why would they do that?

So, Pacino is like an avenging angel or some such shit, killing the bad people. As we near the end of the movie, the filmmakers apparently felt the need to up the "suspense" and "drama". For no discernible reason, Pacino visits Gugino and beats up and (I think) rapes her. He rapes her? Why the hell would he do that? Maybe they should have called this movie Righteous Kill and Inexplicable Rape. That sounds like a superhero team or something.

How does Pacino's action remotely line up with his motive for killing criminals? It makes no sense. And it only further emphasizes the state of Ms. Gugino as the (beat up and raped, even!) objectification of a non-human woman. Terrible.

Oh, speaking of objectification of women, Pam Grier is the other one on my list.

Coffy is the color of her skin!
Coffy is the world she lives in!


Holy crap, I just realized this movie was directed by Jon Avnet, who also directed the equally awful Al Pacino vehicle 88 Minutes! Awesome (in a bad way)!

Monday, October 27, 2008

Freaky Frights And The Pumpkin Patch

As noted previously, the gore lovefest that is Freaky Frights is ceasing to be.

It was unclear to me from their website whether where they going to have a display this year at all.

So, I took my chances and headed over on Friday, October 24th. It was on!

It wasn't as extravagant or large as in previous years. Unlike last year, which covered two blocks, this year covered only one.

I saw displays that I remembered from last year, but also noticed a few scenes missing (the bathroom set from the first Saw film, for example).

However, Freaky Frights was definitely not going to go out with a whimper. Here is but a horrible taste of the carnage. Please note that you can still see all the blood and gore yourself on Halloween -- after October 31st, Freaky Frights as the world knows it will go poof.

A cheerful welcome

My favorite display

The popular Jack White vomiting blood display

I don't recall what this chef is cooking, but it is presumably not vegan.

It might be difficult to see, but this smiling head is spewing blood out of several improvised orifices.

A Robert Urich bangeroo type headache

Photo is a little too dark, but it looked nice in person

Hey! A scary clown pic for Bubs!

Various houses had aesthetically-pleasing lit-up warning signs over their front doors

On Saturday, we headed to a pumpkin patch a few miles from our house. It was as nice and pleasant as Freaky Frights was terrifying and horrific.

We took a hayride with the kids to get to our pumpkin.

Splotchy carries the 2008 family pumpkin, accompanied by the youngest Splotchling.

Contemplating The Banana

Submitted for The Big Wicked Online Pageant.

I didn't have any Halloween pics from my childhood (frankly, I was petrified of the damn holiday), so this one was taken THIS VERY DAY.

Attention: Rockers

Monster Parties: Fact or Fiction?

Here's a nice little piece of Halloween-themed goodness from the beloved Mr. Show.

Friday, October 24, 2008

A Clarification On My I Fucking Hate Celebrites Post

Here, another political video done by some celebrities:

Ron Howard's Call To Action

You see, the video above works. Because it's not someone attempting to direct your will one way or the other, solely based on some arbitrary status given to them by the popular culture.

They're actually using their talents (writing/acting/directing) to attempt to create something of worth within their medium, in order to influence people. They are trying.

I guess what enraged me so much in my previous post was the stink of entitlement that wafted off of every actor in the video.

It made me recall the line Ed Begley, Jr. gave (playing himself) on the Simpsons, where he drove a car powered by his "own sense of self-satisfaction".

So, not all celebrities are bad, self-satisfied. Not all of them are royalty. To clarify -- fuck some celebrities, but not others.

Thank you for your time!

More Moving Scenes From The Jim Henson Memorial

I'm sorry, but I am still not ready to move past the Jim Henson memorial videos I happened upon the other day.

I checked his Wikipedia article. He died in 1990. 1990! It feels like it happened only a couple years ago.

He will always be with me. Always.

Near the end of the memorial, many of Henson's fellow puppeteers came up to do a medley of his favorite songs. It's really amazing, and not as heartbreaking to watch as the Big Bird song. Still, it's really moving.

The last video in the post is Frank Oz, remembering his dear friend with a funny and moving story.

Muppet Tribute, Pt. 1

Muppet Tribute, Pt. 2

Frank Oz

Thursday, October 23, 2008

This Might Break Your Heart

Big Bird singing "Bein' Green" at the memorial for Jim Henson.

Wow, Do I Fucking Hate Celebrities

What's more annoying than some overpaid famous people telling us plebs what to do?

Telling us what to do by telling us what not to do.

I just might not vote because of this piece of shit.

Fucking celebrities. Fuck them.

Okay, so I watched the rest of the video. There is a twist, where the celebrities then cajole you, the viewer, into voting.

But I stand by my original statement. Fuck celebrities.

Tuesday, October 21, 2008

Unconnected Tuesdays



How Douchebaggery Killed Halloween

Freaky Frights on Forest, which I lovingly documented here, might be over.

Earlier this month I complained that Freaky Frights was only up for a few days this year, as opposed to prior years, when the wonderfully grotesque displays were viewable for several weeks.

Well, it turns out there's a reason the schedule was limited, as I found this posted today on the Freaky Frights website:
The Things That Killed Freaky Frights

There are so few people in the world that care about things deeply, that want to make the world a more interesting place. And they get squashed.

Happy Halloween.

Goodbye, Rudy Ray Moore

Rudy Ray Moore, dead at 81.

Disco Godfather


Petey Wheatstraw

Monday, October 20, 2008

The Game Is Afoot!

Another Green Monkey Master gets their chance to helm a mix!

Check out the details over at Beth's place!

Sign up by leaving a comment on her post. Spaces are available, but going fast!

Amber Waves

John Davidson - Amber Waves

Insults from the Past #1

"You are a crumb bum. A thick-headed palooka."

Mr. Gravy

Robert Davi - Mr. Gravy

iSplotchy Campaign Ad For Immediate Release

Online supporters of the iSplotchy, please find enclosed a new positive direction for our candidate.

Materials provided by Citizens for iSplotchy (click for larger image).

Friday, October 17, 2008

Maximum Excitement Post


Actual Doors Tribute Bandnames

As far as I can tell, all of these bands really exist and are able to authentically recreate "The Doors experience".

Feel free to compare these with my own suggestions for Doors tribute bandnames.

01. The Soft Parade
02. Wild Child
03. Peace Frog
04. Mojo Risin
05. The American Night
06. L.A. Doors
07. Purple Legion
08. Doors of Deception
09. Crystal Ship
11. The Double Doors
12. The Unknown Soldiers
13. The Back Doors
14. Moonlight Drive
15. The Bootleg Doors
16. The OtherSide
17. American Prayer
18. L.A. Woman (all-female!!)
19. Morrison Hotel
20. Riders on the Storm (w/ 2 original Doors members!)

Thursday, October 16, 2008

Ojos Hypnoticos

Elijah Wood - Ojos Hypnoticos

The Doors Tribute Bandnames

01. Light My Fire
02. Light Our Fire
03. Light Your Fire
04. Touch Me
05. Touch You
06. Touch Us
07. Riders On The Storm
08. No Bass
09. Love Us Madly
10. L.A. Women (all-female)
11. People Are Strange
12. Hello, You Love Us
13. Hello, We Love You
14. Morrison's Beard
15. The End

By The Pricking Of My Thumbs...

Oh boy oh boy oh boy, Halloween is a-comin'.

Here's one of my favorite scary scenes, from the 1983 film Something Wicked This Way Comes.

Wednesday, October 15, 2008

Tuesday, October 14, 2008

Keyboard Mashing Meme Challenge

Hey, it's been like, a while since I tried corralling anyone into doing a stupid meme. So here goes.

The Rules
1. Post the rules
2. Close your eyes
3. Count to five seconds
4. Type a whole bunch of random crap on the keyboard while you're counting
5. Open your eyes
6. Tag a few people

Okay. Ready?

owiejrpwojief aw;gjt aw;
tjawptiuwoaitum wpa9yt9p4y838at[ ja'kltklasj; kjawgt oigaoigjar a
ay]wypy[apuaoi[a owtajwtjawl;tjaw twjt;lwaejk

I tag:

Freida Bee
Cowboy the Cat



Is it October 31st yet?

I have some good news and bad news.


Freaky Frights On Forest, the spectacular, outdoor, two-block Halloween extravaganza I documented here is back, but unfortunately this year it will be for a much more limited engagement.

The blood, gore and authentic horror movie scene reenactments will only be open to the public on October 24-26 and October 31.


I have my gorilla costume, but my eldest son is petrified of me when I wear it. I would love to go to a Halloween party with MizSplotchy, but we don't have one scheduled (nor do we have a babysitter lined up).


I have a strong desire to start a-watching horror movies, but MizSplotchy is freaky busy with school these days. I can't watch horror movies alone, as that is when people usually get killed by monsters jumping out of their TV's.



Unconnected Tuesdays



Sunday, October 12, 2008

Presenting The Power Pop Mix!

Volume 11 of the Green Monkey Music Project is completed and available for download!

If the participants of this mix want to discuss their own selections, please feel free to do so! I'll put a pointer on this post if you end up posting about it on your own blog (or you could always just add comments here, I suppose).


Rules and Theme Details

The Participants Discuss Their Selections:
Allen L.!

The Songs:
Allen L.
Tenacious S

Track Listing
01 - Surrender - Cheap Trick [splotchy]
02 - Twist Top - The Clean [splotchy]
03 - Substitute - The Who [splotchy]
04 - Boys Don't Lie - Shoes [splotchy]
05 - Life on the Line - The Raincoats [splotchy]
06 - Go All The Way - The Raspberries [splotchy]
07 - Feelin' Alright - Len [splotchy]
08 - The Electric Version - The New Pornographers [splotchy]
09 - Take Me Out - Franz Ferdinand [bubs]
10 - Dreaming - Blondie [bubs]
11 - Cruel To Be Kind - Nick Lowe [bubs]
12 - Crawling to the USA - Elvis Costello [bubs]
13 - Girls Talk - Dave Edmunds [bubs]
14 - Everybody's Happy Nowadays - The Buzzcocks [bubs]
15 - Ever Fallen in Love - The Buzzcocks [bubs]
16 - Basket Case - Green Day [bubs]
17 - Ca Plane Pour Moi – Plastic Bertrand [domboy]
18 - The Don - The View [domboy]
19 - Crazy Taxi – Andy Hui [domboy]
20 - Mr Brightside – The Killers [domboy]
21 - Get Over You – The Undertones [domboy]
22 - Baby Talk – Generation X / Billy Idol [domboy]
23 - Go Square Go! – Glasvegas [domboy]
24 - We’re All Going To Die – Malcolm Middleton [domboy]
25 - Everybody's Girl - Rick Springfield [allenl]
26 - I Wanna Be With You - The Raspberries [allenl]
27 - My Life Still Sucks (in a Bad Way) - The Andersons [allenl]
28 - I Knew The Bride - Dave Edmunds [allenl]
29 - Starry Eyes - The Records [allenl]
30 - I Wanna Be Your Boyfriend - The Rubinoos [allenl]
31 - Where Have You Been All My Life - Fotomaker [allenl]
32 - Your Daddy Don't Know - Toronto [allenl]
33 - Town Called Malice - The Jam [tenaciouss]
34 - Do Anything You Wanna Do - Eddie and the Hot Rods [tenaciouss]
35 - Better Things - The Kinks [tenaciouss]
36 - Cynical Girl - Marshall Crenshaw [tenaciouss]
37 - Suddenly Cool - The Methadones [tenaciouss]
38 - Terror Bends - My Teenage Stride [tenaciouss]
39 - Rubella - Smoking Popes [tenaciouss]
40 - You Made Me Like It - 1990s [tenaciouss]
41 - Friday on My Mind - Easybeats [lulu]
42 - I've Been Waiting - Matthew Sweet [lulu]
43 - There She Goes - The Las [lulu]
44 - Heart - Rockpile [lulu]
45 - Less Than Zero - Elvis Costello [lulu]
46 - Jailbreak - Thin Lizzy [lulu]
47 - Girl of My Dreams - Bram Tchaikovsky [lulu]
48 - Going Down to Liverpool - The Bangles [lulu]
49 - The Box Tops - The Letter [beth]
50 - Big Star - Don't Lie to Me [beth]
51 - Big Star - September Gurls [beth]
52 - REM - Jesus Christ [beth]
53 - Alex Chilton - Thing for You [beth]
54 - The Replacements - Alex Chilton [beth]
55 - In the Street - Cheap Trick [beth]
56 - What's Going Ahn - The Posies [beth]

Splotchy's Contribution To Power Pop

Here's a discussion of my selections for the Power Pop mix, Volume 11 of the Green Monkey Music Project.

What the heck is power pop? You can read various definitions on the web and still not have a clue. It became clear to me how unclear the concept was when I started looking for my selections.

Surrender - Cheap Trick
From Heaven Tonight, their third album. I have absolutely no doubts about this song's power poppiness. If you open up a dictionary to the page with the entry on power pop, chances are it will play this song.

Twist Top - The Clean
Another fantastic pop song from The Clean. You really should consider picking up their two-disc Anthology collection, or risk me calling you a loser.

Substitute - The Who
Some really nice early power pop from The Who. I had a strong hankering to include A Quick One, but this one is more straightforward and rockin'.

Boys Don't Lie - Shoes
The Shoes were a somewhat obscure (to people outside of Chicago, at least) power pop group hailing from Zion, Illinois. Pretty vocals, heavy-but-not-too-heavy guitars, the recipe for a perfect power pop song.

Life on the Line - Raincoats
A band and album that I discovered several years ago, but quickly became one of my favorites. This song has one of my favorite lines in any rock song, a combination of great lyrics and awesome vocal delivery: "Her logic was too tangled, I couldn't untangle it". I don't know... I might be stretching the concept of power pop with this one. This song I was the most unsure of. Still, it has great guitar and nice drums. It's power pop to me, dammit.

Go All The Way - The Raspberries
Okay, if someone said I couldn't use Cheap Trick's Surrender as an example for power pop, I would use this song instead. The chorus is so pretty, and the opening guitar riff is so rocking. I would not be surprised if Angus Young of AC/DC wore out a few 45's of this song.

Feelin' Alright - LEN
Okay, I substituted this song at the last minute for Big Country's In A Big Country. I have just heard that BC song too many damn times. This has a nice pop feel to it, and for some reason I like that they use the word "dumb" in the lyrics.

Electric Version - The New Pornographers
Something from this millenium? Well, okay. This is a great pop song from a great power pop band.