Tuesday, March 31, 2009

Internet Challenge #11

Hey, readers.

What's nice about Vancouver, B.C.?

1 IC point for each nifty thing you can find about it (niftiness will be a subjective quality deemed by me, though you can sway my idea of it with the POWER of WORDS).

After four more challenges I will announce the award for the person with the highest IC point rating!


p0nk is walking the razor's edge with these challenges. It seems like he is using MEMORY instead of THE INTERNET. Memory Challenge is next month, p0nk. For your noting of celebrities being listed on Wikipedia I give you 1 IC point (and another one for being first). Ah hell, okay, another one for the hockey team. And I find your vague memory of a childhood visit to a mysterious garden somehow poignant -- another point. +4 for p0nk.

Beckeye gets a point for the 3737 restaurant factoid.

Comrade Kevin scores a point for the crazy Vancouver street pronunciation.

This is highly unusual, because Gifted Typist is Canadian and probably didn't look ANY of her facts up on the Internet. Still, they were nifty. +8 IC POINTS.

Jin gives us three cool things about Vancouver:
Woman-Owned Tattoo Parlor
Vancouver Punk Scene
Severed Feet

The Imaginary Reviewer find this enchanting description for an IC Point:
"Majestic mountains, sparkling ocean, rainforests and beautiful foliage all four seasons make Vancouver one of the most beautiful cities in the world."

Unconnected Tuesdays

Skeleton Key


How I Am Irreversibly Scarring My Children Through Playing Two-Player Lego Batman

Me: Come over here. I can't move now. I can't move. You just killed me.

Monday, March 30, 2009

Internet Challenge #10

Find me the metalest band in the universe.

Please feel free to show your work.


Jin gives us GWAR for 2 IC points:

Beckeye gives us Morbid Anal Frog for 1 scary IC point:

Domboy gives us Judas Priest! As Rob Halford says in the clip, "Breaking the what?!" Did all their concerts involve pop quizzes?

Randal Graves says Manowar. Hey, they will DIE FOR METAL.


So, it looks like

+2 IC Points for Jin
+1 point for Beckeye, Domboy, Randal G and p0nk.

Hot Toddies For Everyone!

Sunday, March 29, 2009

Internet Challenge #9

Find me some awful fan fiction!

The worse, the better.

I'll be judging entries based on a variety of traits, including but not limited to:

Grammar/Spelling mistakes
Narrative logic problems
Inappropriate erotic subtext
Frequent use of sound effects
Purple prose

If you submit a particularly bad entry, you may earn extra IC points.

As with the other challenges, you can't cook up one of your own pieces of fan fiction to submit -- you have to find one already floating in the Internet, stinking up the place.


Flannery Alden scores 2 points for being first, and finding Hermione Granger and Draco Malfoy in a moment of tenderness:

Harry Potter Erotica
"No," I edged my lips closer to his and gently kiss them, loving the taste of chocolate it possesses, probably from those chocolate frogs he loves and I felt him responding instinctively. Both of us pull away at the same time.

"I'm sad and miserable because I think...I'm in...in... love with you," the words came out in a rush from my mouth. His face contains shock and his stormy grey eyes ask me to repeat what I just said.

"I'm in love with you although I shouldn't be. You're my best friend’s enemy and so you are my enemy too,"

Beckeye serves up a slab of:

American Idol erotica
“Jesus,” David groaned, sinking his fingers deep into his friend's soft black hair.

Michael gripped David’s ass as he fell into a rhythm, in and out, in and out, in and out. Faster and faster. Tighter and tighter. Until David couldn’t think or breathe. He could barely stand. His whole body started to quake under the strain as he tried desperately to hold onto the moment.

“God, Mike, I can’t… God!”

SamuraiFrog dials into an interesting spin on Heroes. I am going to have give him an IC extra point for this entry's ridiculously vile clunkiness (I didn't know clunkiness could be ridiculously vile -- thank you fan fiction!).

Heroes Erotica
Peter felt ashamed and dirty and excited when Nathan talked like that to him, and no matter what had happened between before Haiti and now, he had not forgotten: Nathan never failed to deliver when it came to their forbidden sexual relationship.

And now Nathan was giving him Claire. The last piece of the puzzle to this unattainable incestuous love triangle that Peter had only even dreamed about. He had been in love with Claire since Odessa. His mother, Angela Petrelli, must have dreamed it, must have told Nathan, because he’d never breathed a word of it to anyone. But he was still angry. Nathan shouldn’t have had her first. Nathan didn’t love her the way he did. If anything, she was Nathan’s possession. Just like he had been. Just like you still are, Peter reminded himself.

Peter felt that white hot anger churning in his belly, beneath the ache of his body’s demand for release: the last time he’d had sex was also with Nathan, before Haiti.

Jin gives us a tender Gore V. Bush (the man, not the slang word for vagina) moment
Gore V. Bush
“Whatever. Smarty-pants. You’re supposed to be helping me, here.” George interjected. “Offering bi-partisan support or whatever it is that you liberals do when you’re not chaining yourself to trees and whatnot in protest of stuff.”

“George,” the other man’s voice was so cool, so measured, that it gave the President pause for a moment. “You are this close to getting the remainder of this now-cold latte poured down the front of your shirt.” He smiled a smile that was anything but sweet, and severely lacking in his customary Southern charms. “Make one more ‘tree hugger’ crack. I dare you.” George promptly muttered something under his breath. “What was that, dear? I didn’t catch it.”

“You look real handsome tonight,” was George’s offhanded reply. “That’s all I said.”

“That’s what I thought you said.” Al said, not without triumph.

The two meandered along, ducking a strand of crudely-hung, multicolored lights, and continuing on up between two long rows of tall, full Balsam firs. “This one’s not bad.” Al gestured to one of the tall evergreens. George wrinkled his nose.

Jin, I kind of liked the Scooby Doo and Cthulhu piece -- can't give you a point for that one.

Friday, March 27, 2009

Internet Challenge #8

Pics of celebs eating hot dogs. Get going.

(corn dogs are also acceptable)


Beckeye scores two IC points for Vanessa Hudgens.

Bubs scores 5 IC points for this challenge!

John Kerry!

Nicole Richie


Some Guy scores a single IC point for another Obama pic

Another Obama pic from Bubs, raising his IC points for this post to 6!

Beckeye scores 4 MORE IC POINTS!

Jerry Lewis

Taylor Swift

George Clooney

Kelly Clarkson

Randal G sneaks in for an IC point for NYC Mayor Bloomberg

Holy crap, Mommy Lisa found this awesome Sigourney Weaver photo - 1 IC point for you!

p0nk scores two well-earned IC points for the following:

Martha Stewart

Fidel Castro

Chef Cthulhu scores three impressive IC points with the following:

Paris Hilton

Nikita Khrushchev

Marilyn Monroe

Flannery Alden serves up a pic of former Chicago Bear William "The Fridge" Perry (WTF is he doing eating at Nathan's? Chicago dogs not good enough for you, Mr. Perry?!!!)

Three more from Jin!

Pam Anderson

Drew Barrymore

3 more pics from Bubs!

Vanessa Hudgens, Part 2

John McCain

Jason Mesnick ("The Bachelor")


My Suggestion For A New Crayon Color


Track Listing For COVER ME!

There will be two "discs" for this mix -- the first being the covers, and the second being the originals.

01 - The Small Hours - Metallica [randalg]
02 - Sweet Jane - Mott The Hoople [randalg]
03 - Mexican Radio - Celtic Frost [randalg]
04 - Stop Breaking Down - The White Stripes [randalg]
05 - Easy - Faith No More [randalg]
06 - California Man - Cheap Trick [randalg]
07 - The Village Green Preservation Society - Kate Rusby [drmvm]
08 - The Bourgeois Blues - Taj Mahal [drmvm]
09 - Do Re Mi - Ani DiFranco [drmvm]
10 - Back In The High Life Again - Warren Zevon [drmvm]
11 - Act Naturally - Loretta Lynn [drmvm]
12 - 10 Degrees and Gettin' Colder - Nanci Griffith [drmvm]
13 - Cry Me A River - Aerosmith [p0nk]
14 - All Along The Watchtower - Jimi Hendrix [p0nk]
15 - Bridge of Sighs - George Lynch [p0nk]
16 - Effigy - Gov't Mule [p0nk]
17 - (I Know) I'm Losing You - Richie Kotzen [p0nk]
18 - Voodoo Chile (Slight Return) - Stevie Ray Vaughn [p0nk]
19 - Ceremony - Galaxie 500 [andy]
20 - Blue Christmas - Low [andy]
21 - Flaming Telepaths - Espers [andy]
22 - Leaving Here - Motörhead [andy]
23 - Cast a Shadow - Yo La Tengo [andy]
24 - Indian Summer - Luna [andy]
25 - Gloria - Patti Smith [bill]
26 - Were You There When They Crucified My Lord? - Diamanda Galas [bill]
27 - Ave Maria - Nina Hagen [bill]
28 - (I Can't Get No) Satisfaction - The Residents [bill]
29 - MacArthur Park - Donna Summer [bill]
30 - Walk On By - The Stranglers [bill]
31 - Contact - Godzuki [splotchy]
32 - The Tide Is High - Blondie [splotchy]
33 - Speeding Motorcycle - Yo La Tengo [splotchy]
34 - Superstar In France - Lambchop [splotchy]
35 - Crazy - Violent Femmes [splotchy]
36 - American Woman - Butthole Surfers [splotchy]

01 - The Small Hours - Holocaust [randalg]
02 - Sweet Jane - Velvet Underground [randalg]
03 - Mexican Radio - Wall of Voodoo [randalg]
04 - Stop Breaking Down - Robert Johnson [randalg]
05 - Easy - Lionel Richie [randalg]
06 - California Man - The Move [randalg]
07 - The Village Green Preservation Society - The Kinks [drmvm]
08 - The Bourgeois Blues - Leadbelly [drmvm]
09 - Do Re Mi - Woody Guthrie [drmvm]
10 - Back In The High Life Again - Steve Winwood [drmvm]
11 - Act Naturally - Buck Owens [drmvm]
12 - 10 Degrees and Gettin' Colder - Gordon Lightfoot [drmvm]
13 - Cry Me A River - Ella Fitzgerald [p0nk]
14 - All Along The Watchtower - Bob Dylan [p0nk]
15 - Bridge of Sighs - Robin Trower [p0nk]
16 - Effigy - Creedence Clearwater Revival [p0nk]
17 - (I Know) I'm Losing You - The Temptations [p0nk]
18 - Voodoo Chile (Slight Return) - Jimi Hendrix [p0nk]
19 - Ceremony - Joy Division [andy]
20 - Blue Christmas - Elvis Presley [andy]
21 - Flaming Telepaths - Blue Öyster Cult [andy]
22 - Leaving Here - The Birds [andy]
23 - Cast a Shadow - Beat Happening [andy]
24 - Indian Summer - Beat Happening [andy]
25 - Gloria - Them [bill]
26 - Were You There When They Crucified My Lord? - Johnny Cash [bill]
27 - Ave Maria - Jessye Norman [bill]
28 - (I Can't Get No) Satisfaction - The Rolling Stones [bill]
29 - MacArthur Park - Richard Harris [bill]
30 - Walk On By - Dionne Warwick [bill]
31 - Contact - Brigitte Bardot [splotchy]
32 - The Tide Is High - The Paragons [splotchy]
33 - Speeding Motorcycle - Daniel Johnston [splotchy]
34 - Superstar In France - East River Pipe [splotchy]
35 - Crazy - Gnarls Barkley [splotchy]
36 - American Woman - The Guess Who [splotchy]

Golden Mosey

Matthew McConaughey - Golden Mosey

Thursday, March 26, 2009


I know the Green Monkey music pipe is still sore from all the filth pumped through it for The Lenten Mix, but I wanted to get this new mix started because I am very excited about it.

Volume 17 of the Green Monkey Music Project is called COVER ME!, and if you guessed that this mix concerned covers, well, aren't you Mr./Ms. Smartypants.

Your selections should all be songs which are not the original versions, but are rather another artist's interpretation of the original. I want the cover of the song to be meaningful, or important, or special to you in some way that distinguishes it from the original, and I'm going to want you to explain the significance when you discuss your selections after the mix has been published.

There are five open slots for this mix. Each participant can pick six songs.

When you eventually submit your songs, please provide the song name, the artist performing the cover, as well as the artist of the original song.

I'm actually going to have a little fun with this mix, in that there will be two mixes -- the first "disc" will be the cover versions, and the second will contain the original versions of all the covers.

Oh, one more rule that I am going to have to enforce. You can't use Leonard Cohen's song Hallelujah, as I'm just tired of hearing it.

Sign up for the mix by leaving a comment, kiddos.

Here are my choices:

Contact - Godzuki (Brigitte Bardot)
The Tide Is High - Blondie (The Paragons)
Speeding Motorcycle - Yo La Tengo (Daniel Johnston)
Superstar In France - Lambchop (East River Pipe)
Crazy - Violent Femmes (Gnarls Barkley)
American Woman - Butthole Surfers (The Guess Who)


We have our participants!

Randal G!
Bill T!

Welcome aboard!

When you decide on your selections, please leave them as a comment on this post in a format similar to mine.

Internet Challenge #7

Nora at Casa De Bubs is a semifinalist in the Fangoria Spooksmodel contest.

Please find her on this page and cast your vote!

Report back after voting and you will be awarded an IC point. You will get an additional IC point if you promote her on your own blog (just include your link in a comment and I'll add it here).


Beckeye scores 2 IC points for being the first voter to report in!
SamuraiFrog scores 2 IC points, 1 for voting, and 1 for doing his own post in support of Nora.
Jin gets two more IC points for voting/posting.

SamuraiFrog's post

Congrats! There's still more IC points to be had, folks! Get going!

Internet Challenge #6

Another challenge for you. Provide a link to a positive online review of the film Ballistic: Ecks vs. Sever.

It doesn't have to be by a professional reviewer -- it can be a blog, whatever.


The Imaginary Reviewer improbably found a gushing review of the movie here.

What a great movie!...The movie was 100% pure adrenaline. The action sequences were well done and very plentiful, but what was equally impressive was the plot. The storyline wasn't always obvious and you had to figure out what was really going on. It was enjoyable to be entertained by the relentless action and simulaneously be challenged by the storyline. While the action was good, it was not bloody, and did not merit the R. One swear, no nudity --- it's definitely a PG-13 experience. Lucy Liu's character wasn't emotionless..., but was driven. She had something she desperately needed to do and she was focused. Rather than being emotionless she was in control of emotion, and rather than sobbing like some wimpy character, she took charge and channeled her emotions with butt-kicking flair. This is a movie that I am going to see again - worth every cent of the $9 admission - and I will buy as soon as it comes out on DVD.

2 more IC points to the IR! And "One swear, no nudity" should be put on the US $1 dollar bill.

Wednesday, March 25, 2009

Hey, Look Everybody! It's François Mitterrand!

Internet Challenge #5

Another challenge for you. In this case, there is only one entry allowed per person.

Provide a link to a cool video of something in slow-motion.


Some Guy scores 2 more IC points for submitting the first entry with an awesome slow motion video.

You can still win your own IC point. Simply provide a link to a cool slow-motion video.

SamuraiFrog, with the slow-motion ass slap for an IC point:

Tuesday, March 24, 2009

Monday, March 23, 2009

Internet Challenge #4

Hi, another Internet Challenge for my readers!

This one has more of an immature, name-calling flavor.

Please provide an example of someone saying something intended to antagonize you.

It can be a comment on your own blog.
It can be a response to a comment of yours on another site.
It can be an attack in a Usenet flamewar from the mid-90's.

It does have to have originated somewhere online. Also, the insult must have occurred prior to this post. I don't want the insult to be from an email -- an interested party must be able to access the offending remark themselves.

If you provide me an example, please know that I will include a screenshot or the text of the remark, so if it's too hurtful to you, don't share it with me.

As with the previous challenge, the first person who submits an appropriate entry gets 2 IC points. You have the potential to get an additional IC point if you can point me to where someone called you Hitler, a Nazi or a fascist.

GET GOING, Internet People!


Lulu provided the first entry, but the link she included does not seem to work. Lulu, could you please point me to the proper link so I can verify the insult to your person within a broader web-based context.

I didn't understand the YouTube link provided by Russ, so I unfortunately cannot award an IC point to him without some further explanation of the insult.

The Imaginary Reviewer is so far the only person I have deemed worthy of an IC point for this Challenge, with a nice jab at his alleged musical tastes by a commenter here.

"Sweet idea for a blog. But then I read your favourite band is Hootie and the Blowfish so your opinions are worthless."

I am awaiting details from Lulu regarding her received insult. If it qualifies, she will get 2 IC points.

The tally thus far:

Some Guy: 2 IC points
Jin, The Imaginary Reviewer, Flannery Alden: 1 IC point

Internet Challenge #3

This one is for you, dear readers.

Find me a picture of a celebrity eating an ear of corn (no, Corey Feldman is not a celebrity).


Some Guy gives us this:

I of course welcome more celebrity ear-of-corn eating pics. Each pic provided that I deem worthy will result in a point added to your IC (Internet Challenge) rating.

Some Guy is currently in front with one IC point. Actually, since he was the first person to respond with an appropriate picture, he will get one more IC point. So, if you are the first to reply, you have the chance to get two IC points.

Yes, this is a rule I just made up. It's my Internet Challenge, and promptness must be celebrated!

I will be posting the IC point levels and their accompanying prize awards in the near future.


Jin scores a point for spying Richard Simmons:

Flannery Alden gets a point for Buster Keaton eating some corn of yore:

Some Guy: 2 IC Points
Jin and Flannery Alden: 1 IC point
Everyone Else: ZERO

I'm sorry that the rest of the submissions thus far were not deemed worthy.

To Bubs -- hold on to those pics you sent for an upcoming Internet Challenge involving cylindrical foodstuffs.

Presenting The Lenten Mix!

Volume 16 of the Green Monkey Music Project is completed and available for download!

If the participants of this mix want to discuss their own selections, please feel free to do so! I'll put a pointer on this post if you end up posting about it on your own blog (or you could always just add comments here, I suppose).


Rules and Theme Details

The Participants Discuss Their Selections:
Randal G!
Tenacious S!

The Songs:
All of Barbara's songs
All of Randal G's songs
All of Beth's songs
All of Beckeye's songs
All of Ten S's songs
All of Lulu's songs
All of Splotchy's songs
All of Dena's songs
All of Bubs's songs

Track Listing
01 - Stink - Arab Strap [barbara]
02 - Song for Clay (Disappear Here) - Bloc Party [barbara]
03 - Tent in Your Pants - Peaches [barbara]
04 - Dead Man in My Bed - Nick Cave and the Bad Seeds [barbara]
05 - A Boy and His Machine Gun - Matthew Good Band [barbara]
06 - Pretty Faces - Nicki Jaine [randalg]
07 - Spider Song - Unto Ashes [randalg]
08 - Dirty Movies - Van Halen [randalg]
09 - Jizzlobber - Faith No More [randalg]
10 - Junkhead - Alice In Chains [randalg]
11 - Tongue - R.E.M. [beth]
12 - Gary's Got A Boner - The Replacements [beth]
13 - Stinkin Thinkin - Happy Mondays [beth]
14 - Little T&A - The Rolling Stones [beth]
15 - The Stroke - Billy Squier [beth]
16 - Walk on By - Bishop Allen [beckeye]
17 - Hey Man, Nice Shot - Filter [beckeye]
18 - Gold Dust Woman - Fleetwood Mac [beckeye]
19 - Credit in the Straight World - Hole [beckeye]
20 - Anything Goes - Guns N' Roses [beckeye]
21 - Jet Boy Jet Girl - The Damned [tens]
22 - Possum Kingdom - The Toadies [tens]
23 - Code Blue - TSOL [tens]
24 - Closer - Nine Inch Nails [tens]
25 - Deep Six - Big Black [tens]
26 - Ava Adore - Smashing Pumpkins [lulu]
27 - Master and Servant - Depeche Mode [lulu]
28 - Erotic (sex remix)- Madonna [lulu]
29 - Lagartija Nick - Bauhaus [lulu]
30 - Bring On The Nubiles - The Stranglers [lulu]
31 - Jailbait - Motörhead [splotchy]
32 - Carbona Not Glue - The Ramones [splotchy]
33 - She's Like Heroin To Me - The Gun Club [splotchy]
34 - The Power Of Positive Drinking - Lou Reed [splotchy]
35 - December 1963 (Oh What A Night) - Frankie Valli & The Four Seasons [splotchy]
36 - So What - Anti-Nowhere League [dena]
37 - Beef Bologna - Fear [dena]
38 - He Whipped My Ass In Tennis - Pansy Division [dena]
39 - I Wanna Be Well - Ramones [dena]
40 - Cherry Bomb - The Runaways [dena]
41 - Fuck the Pain Away - Peaches [bubs]
42 - Little Girl - John & Jackie [bubs]
43 - Sister Ray - Velvet Underground [bubs]
44 - Street Hassle - Lou Reed [bubs]
45 - Stagger Lee - Nick Cave [bubs]

Special thanks to Bubs for guest-hosting this one.

Now I need to take a shower.


I almost forgot! (Well, I did forget, but thankfully I can re-edit my post).

It is my great honor to award a Green Monkey Master Badge to Tenacious S! This is her third time participating in GMMP, which now makes her a Green Monkey Master.

Internet Challenge #2

Find a picture of Corey Feldman riding a horse.

Internet Challenge #1

Find a picture of a roller-blading nun.