Some More Movie Titles Improved With The Word Motherfucker

I warned you that I might come back with more movie titles.

And here they are. I spent a little more time trying to get the titles to look right.

Enjoy!


Bang The Drum Slowly Motherfucker



Meet Me In St. Louis Motherfucker



It's A Wonderful Life Motherfucker!



You've Got Mail Motherfucker



Pay It Forward Motherfucker



Oedipus Rex Motherfucker

Motherfuckin' Mattress Giant

In times of great stress, I sometimes turn to profanity.

A while ago, I made the jingle to Mattress Giant better by adding some colorful language:



Look for my modifications in brackets. You'll just have to imagine me swearing, as the original jingle has not been altered in the above clip.

When you're looking for that ooh-ahh feel,
[Motherfuckin'] Mattress Giant
When you want that ooh-ahh deal,
We've got the best price
For that ooh-ahh bed [Motherfuckers],
It's only at Mattress Giant
Ooh-ahh [motherfucker]
Ooh-ahh [motherfucker]
Only at Mattress Giant, Ooh-ahh
Only at Mattress Giant, Ooh-ahh

Splotchy Improves The Titles Of Movies Simply By Adding The Word Motherfucker

I had a lot of fun coming up with these. Probably a few more posts of these await you in the future.

Annie Hall Motherfucker



Cocoon Motherfucker



A Star Is Born Motherfucker



That's Entertainment Motherfucker



I Know What You Did Last Summer Motherfucker



21 Grams Motherfucker



How Green Was My Valley Motherfucker



Prick Up Your Ears Motherfucker



Clambake Motherfucker



Tron Motherfucker



Don't Tell Mom The Babysitter's Dead Motherfucker



The Muppets Take Manhattan Motherfucker

Son Of Even More ROT13'ed Swearwords

At this time of year, I ask myself, what am I thankful for?

I am thankful for profanity.

Pop the following entries in the decoder on the right sidebar to give thanks.

(Feel free to go to rot13.com for a larger decoder window)

1. Urer'f pbpx va lbhe zbhgu!
2. Bu, gur fuvg cnvaf. Gur fuvg cnvaf!
3. Urezncuebqvgr'f Onyyf!
4. Zbygra fcvqre gvgf!
5. Znl n enoovg shpx lbhe rlrubyr jvgubhg gur hfr bs n ohaal pbaqbz!
6. ¡Ubyn, Frñbe Cvfflcnagf!
7. Srngure qhfg zl onyyfnpx, Qhxr bs Penccrel!
8. Unir n ovgr bs qvatyroreel prerny, lbh fueviryrq zhzzl qvpx!
9. Lbh qrenatrq yvggyr shpxvat avccyravooyre!
10. Qbaxrl gheqf!

Even More ROT13'ed Swearwords

Hey kids, it's time for some more swearwords! Pop them in the decoder on the right sidebar for delightful profanity.

(Feel free to go to rot13.com for a larger decoder window)

01. SHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHPXREL
02. N pbpx-n-qbbqyr shpx-lbh zbeavat gb lbh, Qvyqb Tenaqr
03. By' Taneyl Gvg Rlrf
04. Sngurnq yvire-rngvat znttbg-shpxvat oneanpyr pbpxfhpxre
05. Jbeguyrff nff-fgnvarq fngva fubegf zbgureshpxre
06. Qvzjvg sybjre-ybivat srghfonatre
07. Url, Nffubyr!
08. Lrnu, lbh! NFFUBYR!
09. Fjrngl natel shpxyrff ybfre
10. Tenil fuvg oebja

Who's Ready For Some More ROT13ed Swear Words? I Sure As Fuvggvat Am!

We started this fun here. Let's continue the joy and love!

I'll repeat the verbiage from my original post, for those who have forgotten the spiel.

A list of ROT13-encoded swear words.

Pop them in the Input box of the ROT13 Decoder to the right and hit the "En/Decode input" button. I personally prefer decoding the words one at a time, as that adds to the excitement and sexual tension.

I suppose you could try guessing them first, if that's your inclination, but this post is more about the swearing than the quizzing.


1. shpxjvg
2. ternfl-nffrq tbbq-sbe-abguvat zbaxrl gvgf
3. Bu, pbpx!
4. shpx-n-qhpx
5. V tbg gur fybccl fuvgf
6. gvtug cnagf jrnevat zbaxrlsvatrerq pbecfrshpxre
7. qvegl onyyf fhpxvat wrexbss
8. fcbbtr-jenatyre
9. cvff ba lbhefrys, nffgbnq
10. hShpx

How To Spot An Asshole

If you're in the middle of a large crowd and you want to separate the assholes from the non-assholes, simply loudly yell "Hey, Asshole!"

If anyone turns around to look at you, they are probably an asshole.


This post was brought to you by The Blog Cuss-O-Meter, as seen here, here and here.

(I got a fucking measly 9.2 percent!)


UPDATE!

Hey, I just redid my Cuss-O-Meter and now I am up to 9.3 percent!

I'm so happy I'm shitting rainbows!

Google Will Not Say That

I was monkeying around with Google a bit.

One nice feature of Google is that if you accidentally mistype something you're searching for, Google tries to guess the text that you intended to type.

I'll actually use this as a feature in some cases. Say there's a scientific phenomena or some other such thing for which I can't quite remember the proper name.

I'll pop a close approximation of it into Google, and I'll usually be able to get the correct spelling of what I'm looking for after hitting "Search", often displayed to me as:

Did you mean: [correctly spelled term]

So, I thought it would be funny if I got Google to say something naughty, like Did you mean: asshole

But dammit, it appears that Google doesn't like to swear.

I did a little scientific experiment, using a more common expletive, "asshole" and compared it with a lesser-used though no less colorful word, "asswipe".

First, let's type in the words with their correct spelling.

Search for asshole:


Ooh! Over 24 million hits. That's a pretty popular swear word.


Now let's search for asswipe:


That's not a shabby search result total, but at under 400,000 that's significantly smaller than the results for asshole.


Now, let's intentionally misspell both words, in the exact same manner.

Let's search for asssdwipee


Hmm, no results, but Google thinks I might be looking for "asswipe".



Now let's search for asssdholee


No results, and Google has no suggestions for me! It doesn't matter that "asshole" brings back 60 times the results that "asswipe" does, and that I am misspelling the two words in the same exact manner. Sorry, Google cannot help you!


__________________________________________


I am of course not constructing a scientific theory backed up by hills of proofs and anecdotal evidence.

However, I challenge you to type in some text in Google where it will suggest the word "asshole" as what you were really searching for. Come to think of it, why not also try to get Google to suggest any of the seven dirty words?


UPDATE:

My brother took my challenge, and I must say I am impressed.

Who Wants A Dirty Word Crossword Puzzle?

I had it in my weird mind to construct a crossword puzzle solely out of swear words, or words not appropriate for after-dinner conversation.

I posted the results of my efforts last night, but I thought it was a little too obnoxious sitting for all to see, and deleted the post.

But, rather than let my pointless work go to waste, you can still take a gander.

Here's relevant links for The Profane Puzzler:

The Grid

The Clues


UPDATE!

Answers here!

What The Shpx

A list of ROT13-encoded swear words.

Pop them in the Input box to the right and hit the "En/Decode input" button. I personally prefer decoding the words one at a time, as that adds to the excitement and sexual tension.

I suppose you could try guessing them first, if that's your inclination, but this post is more about the swearing than the quizzing.

1. fuvg-sbe-oenvaf
2. crapvy-qvpxrq zbgureshpxre
3. phag
4. cvff
5. pbpxfhpxre
6. nffung
7. qvpxurnq
8. tbqqnza
9. fbahinovgpu
10. Ohfu

Your Own Personal Profanity

Do you have a phrase that has at least something profane in it, that you have adopted as something near and dear to you?

A foul phrase that you carry some affection for?

Here's mine.

In the mid-90's, I was puttering about on a text-based virtual world called LambdaMOO with my brother.

One of the sorta cool things about this world was that individual users could construct environments -- rooms, outside spaces, etc., and have them link together, which you could then travel about as if they were real physical spaces. Keep in mind that this *was* a text-based world, so really you were just reading someone's description of a room or place, not seeing any visual representation of it.

My brother and I were wandering around, when we came to a place where its description was not in English.

I then said: "It's in fucking French."

This phrase has stuck with me over the years, and makes me smile on the inside when I think it after seeing something written in French.

Anyone care to share their own pet swear words or phrases?

The Closest I Get To A Buddhist Chant

I'm not super-weird.

But I'm weird, relative to Harrison Ford at least, who, let's face it folks, is not very weird at all.

There are occasions, usually when I'm doing some utterly mindless task, or maybe riding my bike and enjoying the day, where I will lapse into repetitively muttering (or sometimes loudly belting out, even) this "chant" I made up to myself.

Click to hear -> Hey You Motherf*ckers <-

Just to warn you, there is profanity in them thar wav file!

Here's the words, if you want a lyric sheet to read from.

Hey you motherf*ckers
Hey you motherf*ckers
Hey you motherf*cking motherf*cking motherf*cking motherf*ckers


You may find chanting this therapeutic, and it's a helluva lot easier to say than Nam Myōhō Renge Kyō.

F***in' Profanity

In visiting various people's sites 'n blogs, the usage of profanity always sticks out at me.

Not in that I am offended by it, but I'm always interested in how people use it, particularly when they mask the word in some way.

I do this masking thing, too. Why do I do this? Maybe for the protection of the random 2nd grader that is browsing my latest love letter to Captain Beefheart, who'll stumble upon an especially excited sentence of mine where I expound on the f***ing polyrhythm drum part.

Or, is it that the word itself looks too vulgar sitting right there staring at you?

How much mask is required? How much is too little, too much? If people know what you're typing, even when you mask it, how is it any different?

I dunno, maybe it's somehow the equivalent of Jon Stewart swearing on The Daily Show. You know what he's saying, and he knows you know what he is saying, but somehow the "bleeped" presentation of the profanity is less blatant, and subdued, and maybe undercut a bit. He's operating within some boundaries -- it's swearing with a wink and a nudge.

So, I present some mask examples, followed by some alternatives to masking.

Standard Meat 'N Potatoes Masking
f*cking - No one is kidding anyone here.
f***ing - Hey, he could be saying "funning".


Substitution
frigging
fecking

This isn't very satisfying. Makes you sound like a chickensh*t.


Abbreviation
f'ing

Comes in handy sometimes. Occasionally works used in polite conversation.


Phonetic
phucking

I don't know, something about it doesn't work. It makes me think of ducks, and still seems like a vulgar word. If you can use this and make it work, I give respect to you.


Complete symbolic nonsense
@?#!?%!&*$%

I think of this as too reminiscent of comic books or Mad Magazine. It's too confusing. You don't know for sure what dirty word the person is trying to use.