My favorite Twitter error page thus far

Overexplaining Underappreciated Tweets #5

Twitter User:
@ysplotchy

Tweet:
Idea: Spinoff of sadtrombone website. http://www.sadpiano.com/ - plays 1st movement of Chopin's Moonlight Sonata http://bit.ly/YLBa2
(link to original tweet)


Overexplanation:
It has been a while since of one of my brilliant tweets wasn't favorited or retweeted by at least one person. Oh, don't worry. My tweets are still being underappreciated, and most likely will be until the time I reverse the aging process and start starring in photoshoots in Tiger Beat.

This might sound strange, but I was quite happy to see this particular tweet not favorited or retweeted, because I thought my idea was funny enough that I would enjoy overexplaining it.

There's a website called http://www.sadtrombone.com/ which consists of... well, just go to the damn website and listen to the sound yourself. It's a clever website, in that it just does one thing -- just a "wahhh-wahh-wahh" sound effect.

The language for online interaction has acquired lots of interesting widgets/abbreviations/symbols, a shorthand for communicating. It's very vibrant, and constantly changing.

You might see someone link to the Sad Trombone site, or simply type [sadtrombone] in plain text to imply the sound effect. Sad Trombone can connote a lot of different things. I will not attempt to unpack the nuances of it here, but trust me, it's a very fluid signifier. Did I just say "very fluid signifier"? Jeez, someone kick me in the balls, please.

Okay, so basically, Sad Trombone is a very quick way of conveying a potentially complicated emotion/feeling.

Let's talk about the genius of my tweet. FINALLY.

My idea for Sad Piano is not a web page linking to a three second sound bite, but to the entire First movement of Frédéric Chopin's Moonlight Sonata. It's a solemn, mid-tempo song, clocking in at around six minutes.

I love the idea that in the incredibly quick back-and-forth of online communication, a link to Sad Piano will ostensibly slooooow down one's movement in the online space while he or she is obliged to listen to the Chopin piece in its entirety.

Similarly, imagine seeing "[sadpiano]" at the end of someone's comment. The reader then must imagine the Chopin piece in real time before he or she can progress onto anything else.

This whole Sad Piano thing reminds of a joke Louis C.K. told in his recent stand-up concert film, Hilarious. He said he wished that people who make the "jerk-off" hand gesture are forced to continue it until they "finish". He then proceeded to demonstrate this.

Anyways, I probably didn't word my tweet well enough to convey all of the above. There was probably a better way of putting it. But I liked my idea and I had a very pleasant time overexplaining it to you.

So thank you!

P.S. The website SadPiano.com does not actually exist -- another potential reason why people did not recognize the tweet's genius.

Sad Piano :-(

The Social Kvetchwork

This is not exactly a movie review, but it will be in parts. And parts of this post will be all over the fucking place.

I sat at home on the night of January 16th. I checked in on my Twitter feed. It seemed like everyone who I followed was tweeting about the Golden Globes (#GoldenGlobes!). They were making snarky observations. I got tired of all the ha-ha's, and turned on the TV, watched a little of the show.

I strongly disliked it. I might have even hated it. Of course I had to voice my displeasure on Twitter. I tweeted, "I don't like these people." I wasn't being funny, I was registering my unasked-for opinion like a good Internet denizen does.

I logged off and decided to go see The Social Network (TSN) at the LaGrange. And maybe I would write about the movie in one of my blog's long-abandoned regular features, Two-Buck Schmuck, where I watch films at a second-run theater and comment snarkily about them on my blog.

The irony of leaving a group of people being snotty about the entertainment industry online to go forth with the purpose of being snotty about the entertainment industry online was not lost on me.

The people I gravitate to on Twitter are funny people. I love to laugh. And the person who I am, the person who I used to express more regularly on this blog, is the person that writes on the @isplotchy account on Twitter.

I am also a member of Facebook. I'm on it. But I don't really care about it. Twitter and Facebook have decimated the blogosphere. I'm not sure which has had more of an effect -- probably Facebook. Many once-active blogs are now dormant. Perhaps their typists found whatever need they had to express themselves online satisfied by the Facebook. (NOTE: As I learned in TSN, Facebook used to be called The Facebook, which justifies my prior obnoxious use of the word "The" preceding it up to now, and into the foreseeable future).

I don't really care one way or the other about the disintegration of the blogosphere, I guess. My involvement in the blogosphere was waning already when everything started shaking up. I mean, I took a long break from my Splotchy.com days (1999) to the start of my blogging days (2007). I don't have a constant web presence, folks. Where we go, we go.

I guess you could say that the blogosphere has been revitalized somewhat with the explosion of Tumblr blogs, but I just fell asleep as you were saying that.

I thought about blogs, Facebook, Twitter, etc. as I watched the movie. I know it's impressive how fast and far The Facebook has spread, but, well….. MEHHHHHHHH. This MEH applies to The Facebook and not necessarily TSN. The Facebook has given lots of people a foothold to self-expression on the Internet, where they perhaps might not have had one before. The Facebook has brought people together, too, I suppose. I do not care about these people. Okay, they're okay. And I am friends with the drummer from the Feelies on The Facebook, which thrills me to this very day. But The Facebook is not to me what it might be to other people.

I liked doing the self-expression myself. And I like self-expression deriving from an amalgamation of my various writings, and hopefully you sometimes can get a sense of my "me-ness" from reading the things I write. And I like linking up with people who are sharing something very personal, interesting, which more times than not I have found in the blogosphere. I like reading good writing. And I connect with people whose writing touches me, reaches out to me, etc. I have felt connections to others on Twitter, I guess, but it's not quite as rich a connection, if that makes any sense.

You know what? I'm kind of self-involved and self-important on the Internet. It's true! I like having my own blog. MINE. It's mine alone. I remember being really pissed at something filmmaker/playwright Neil LaBute contributed to the blog Six Sentences. Here it is, it's short:

i stand all amazed



it's astonishing how needy people are. i had no idea. it was a technical advancement like anything else -- the microwave or the radio. the blog was born and millions of gasping little voices appeared, spilling out of their journals and crying a chorus of 'me, me, me!' so many electronic hands reaching out. some collective 'i was here.'

I was pissed off when I read this back in 2007. But in some ways, I guess he was right. This blog *is* me saying, "I was here". On some level I probably realized there was some truth to that. I guess the issue I had with it was, why the fuck *can't* I say I was here? Why not?

The blog is a way of sharing my creativity, sense of humor, worries, thoughts, etc. How different is that from making a film, writing a book, a song, whatever? And what are other creative endeavors? Aren't they in some ways a way of saying "I was here."? Aren't you conveying your viewpoint of the world? Aren't you saying, hey everybody, have you thought about it this way, i.e. my way? You know what? Fuck Neil LaBute. I'm still mad at that douchebag.

Because I am operating under a rigid framework on Twitter and on Facebook, I feel like I am just renting space. Okay, this blog is technically running on someone else's website. OKAY. I WILL GRANT YOU THAT. But do you get how I can think of it as my space (MySpace!)?

But I digress. Or I digressed up until now. Okay, the movie. The review of the movie.

Actually before that, my car ride to the movie. I came to the lovely train tracks in my town, and counted 1, 2, 3 fucking freight trains moving hither and fro (there are a total of four tracks side by side). With only minutes to get to the movie theater, I said to myself, "Fuck that!", and followed another car who seemed to know where it was going.

Ah ha! I remembered, there was a way of going under the train tracks a half-mile west of where we were. So this car and me, its shadow, went zig-zagging towards the underpass. The car came to a one-way street that it could not turn down. This was the street that led to the underpass, but you had to take a circuitous route to get there. So the car turned left instead of right. And do you know what I did, dear readers? I TURNED RIGHT GOING THE WRONG WAY DOWN A ONE-WAY STREET. I didn't kill anyone or anything. Was this action-packed driving drama worth all that Facebook/Twitter/Blogging preamble you waded through? OF COURSE it was.

Onward!

The movie was okay. I got tired of Jesse Eisenberg and the Aaron Sorkin dialogue he was forced to spew. It was all like "wabbity wabbity wabbity wabbity" and "wibbity wibbity wibbity wibbity". Enough with the wibbity wabbities, Sorkin!

Lessee. Justin Timberlake was the Napster guy. Hey, Internet. Hey, everyone who has an opinion. I don't like Justin Timberlake. I don't care how talented you say he is. Fuck him and the boy band he rode in on. Okay, he was alright, I guess. But I don't like the fucking guy. I DON'T.

Ummmmmmmm.

A chunk of the movie takes place in the wintertime. They apparently shot some of the outside scenes when it wasn't wintertime and/or cold out, and in order to placate viewers who would expect to see the characters exhale visible breath, they CGI'ed the breath. THEY CGI'ed THE BREATH.

I'm done reviewing now.


LOVE,


SPLOTCHY

(and don't look for Splotchy on Facebook, he is not there)

Overexplaining Underappreciated Tweets #4

Twitter User:
@ysplotchy

Tweet:
@JennaStern Don't worry. It's this September you need to worry about. The Month For Procrastinating Terrorists.
(link to original tweet)

The above was a reply to this tweet by @JennaStern:
"1am on 1-11-11. <<holding breath>> ...okay. Didn't blow up. Cool."
(link to original tweet)

Overexplanation:
I don't want to complain about the underappreciation of this tweet, so much as explain where it was coming from.

Sometimes I will get good ideas. I will think they are very funny or interesting, but then I won't ever make them into anything. They don't come along all that often, but they do come along.

A few days prior to the tweet featured here I had a funny idea about 09/11. Not 09/11/2001, but the month of 09/2011. I imagined a story where a group of terrorists intended to plan another attack against the US, echoing the number symbolism of the attacks in 2001.

However, they were very lazy. They kept on putting things off, because, unlike 2001, they had a lot of time to actually execute the attack. They had a whole month! Who cares -- 09/01/2011, 09/30/2011, it would be 09/11 when it happened, dammit!

And so my idea of the procrastinating terrorists was born. We would see them at various points during the month of September where they would be doing ANYTHING but actually doing terrorist things... cleaning their fridge, going apple-picking, whatever.

So, that's the idea. The chance of me actually putting forth the effort to write or film it was very slim.

But then I saw Jenna's tweet. Ahh! I could just unleash my funny idea as a tweet. Did anyone realize what I was saying? Maybe not. I don't know, because I wrote it. It probably is a bit obscure.

I regretted it a bit after tweeting the reply to Jenna. She lives in Brooklyn, and I was making a 09/11 joke. Maybe she has family and friends that died back in 2001. I don't think I did any lasting damage. She knows I think very highly of her and all that stuff, and wouldn't say something intentionally hurtful.

Anyways, I'm not complaining at all. I just think the story behind this tweet is interesting and worth overexplaining.

Overexplaining Underappreciated Tweets #3

Twitter User:
ysplotchy

Tweet:
What am I doing for NYE? I'll attempt to instill an interest in science in my children, I suppose.
(link to original tweet)


Overexplanation:
I wrote this on December 31st, sometime in the afternoon, I think.

As you probably know, my tweet used "NYE", a popular abbreviation of "New Year's Eve".

But wait! WAS I referring to New Year's Eve?!!!

If you thought so, this tweet probably made little sense to you. But if you were "on the ball" and not "fucking dull stupid" you realized from the remainder of the tweet that in actuality I was referring to this guy:

Yes, it's Bill Nye, the Science Guy!

It's okay. People were probably more focused on their NYE plans to get my Nye joke.

Maybe this tweet will be appreciated next year. But I am not counting on it.

Overexplaining Underappreciated Tweets #2

Twitter User:
ysplotchy

Tweet:
"Reap, those little slices of death; Oh how I loaf them." -- Edgar Allan Poe, Baker
(link to original tweet)


Overexplanation:
What went wrong here? I made Edgar Allan Poe a baker, and turned one of his most famous quotes into something a baker might say. How is that not funny?

Original quote: Sleep, those little slices of death; Oh how I loathe them.

Okay, okay, I think using "Reap" instead of "Sleep" was weak. Are there types of bread that rhyme with sleep? That would have been much, much better. I tried thinking of a better rhyme, but was unsuccessful. Reap was the best thing I could think of.

Still... I kept slices of death, and changed loathe to loaf. That was funny, wasn't it? Yeah, it was. It was indeed.

Overexplaining Underappreciated Tweets #1

Twitter User:
ysplotchy

Tweet:
"Take me hunk, I'm drome!" -- Spister Moonerism Brand Novelty Tees
(link to original tweet)


Overexplanation:
Spister Moonerism is a character I invented and have been playing around with for a couple months. As you may notice, the name is a spoonerism of "Mister Spoonerism". I have had people chortle at the ingeniousness of the name itself (for good reason). That being said, I don't expect all of my Spister Moonerism tweets to be favorited simply because I made another reference to the name. That is not why this particular tweet is underappreciated.

The briliance of this tweet hinges on my reference to an existing novelty t-shirt:

The source of the humor for the above shirt is that the words "drunk" and "home" are transposed. I believe the implication is that the person is so drunk they are jumbling up their words.

I thought to myself, why not take that shirt, and then spoonerize it! Not only have I transposed the words like the joke, I have also transposed letters! I have doubly transposed the shirt, deflating the original t-shirt's humor in an original and fundamental way.

And note the added satisfaction of the word "drunk" becoming "hunk". Does this add a little undercurrent of playful homoeroticism to the tweet? Yes, I think it does.

This tweet was not favorited or retweeted. I think I have sufficiently outlined and overexplained the tragedy of this to you, dear reader.

Overexplaining Underappreciated Tweets

Hey, you! Twitterer! Nee Borp Doobie Crutch! *

As you already know, Favstar is the metric by which the value of tweets is measured. On the site, one can easily identify the number of times a tweet has been celebrated. It can happen in two distinct ways.


1) Favorited - By favoriting a tweet, someone has literally given it a gold star, as if to say, good job, fellow Twitterer! A+!

2) Retweeted - When one is retweeted (aka RT) by someone, the original tweet appears as part of their feed. In this case what they are saying is, "Hey, look at what my smart and/or funny Twitter acquaintance has to say!"


Unfortunately, many tweets are not celebrated with the fervor they so richly deserve. Some terrible tweet by Justin Bieber gets vaulted to the highest echelons of Twitter accolades, while an immaculate, ingeniously-constructed joke languishes in the fetid basement of ignorance and misunderstanding.

You might visit Favstar in anticipation of witnessing the abundant praise lavished on one of your especially chuckleworthy tweets, but... it's not there! If it's absent, that means NO ONE has favorited it. NO ONE has retweeted it. The injustice!

I do not offer to correct this injustice. I am unable to do so, unless I buy Favstar and make it work like the world is supposed to work.

What I *can* do is provide a service. Have you felt one or more of your tweets was underappreciated? Did you feel that perhaps maybe your audience was a bit, for lack of a better word, dim, dull, incapable of seeing something FUCKING BRILLIANT?

Here's what you can do. In an email, provide me the underappreciated tweet, as well as a paragraph explaining the ingenuity of your tweet. Help us to appreciate this underappreciated tweet, my friend. You may contact me on the email address listed on my Blogger profile.

I will post your tweet and explanation on this blog, so everyone will realize what a mistake they made in not recognizing your genius. Better late than never, right?

So, are you with me? Let's not be underappreciated... Let's overexplain... TOGETHER!



* Standard informal Twitter greeting

This Blog Got 200,000 Hits About I-Don't-Give-A-Shit-How-Long Ago

So, this blog got 200,000 hits at some point.

It's at around 201,000 now. I'd do a screenshot of my Sitecounter, but who really gives a goddamn?

I used to look at my stats a lot. Now, not so much.

These days I mostly get hits from people doing image searches, usually finding something on one of my Unconnected Tuesdays posts. Visits generally don't last long. Oh, except for the Googlebot. Always with the fucking Googlebot.

I'm past fretting about hits, comparing the hits of one month to the previous month, etc., etc., ad nauseum.

No, I haven't become serene and calm, free of attachments.

Now I wonder when the hell Rosanne Cash is going to realize how awesome I am and start following me on the Twitter.

Priorities...

Humor From The Twitter

Last week, I was having a conversation with some people on the Twitter as I have been known to do.

The Twilight Zone came up. For some reason, I got an idea in my head that it would be funny to accentuate the twist one often finds at the end of an episode with a sad trombone sound effect.

Shortly after, one of my Twitter pals (@unsupervised) made up this delightful video.



In the same conversation, another person said "Yakety Sax" (aka the Benny Hill show theme song) would be a nice addition to to the ending of another Twilight Zone episode, for which @unsupervised immediately created the following clip.



Thanks, Twitter! Thanks, @unsupervised!

I'm God's Lonely Man...

Oh fuck you, Twitter.

Hey folks, are you like me? Do you have natural defenses you carry around with you everyday, a "personality cushion" that protects the scared little child deep inside, that you use to interact with people in the cold, heartless outside world?

Does this cushion somehow not exist when you're on the Internet? My cushion works like that (or rather, doesn't work). My feelings can get very easily hurt. It sucks.

A couple people unfollowed me on Twitter recently. It bugged me. I mean, it *really* fucking bugged me. Why? I don't know. It's like a form of rejection. And the insidious thing is, you're not notified that you're being unfollowed. Okay, maybe that's good. I don't know. And I don't know why they unfollowed me. Was I too verbose? Did I insult their sensibilities? Was I too ethnic?

Who the fuck knows. Okay, I am a fucking pisser. I unfollowed those fucking motherfuckers that unfollowed me.

But it didn't stop there. I found a website, Friend Or Follow, whereby I could find out who I was following that wasn't following me.

Holy shit, there were a lot of people that *used* to follow me that had apparently stopped following me at some point. THOSE FUCKERS. THOSE DIRTY MOTHERFUCKERS.

There are of course celebrities and such that aren't going to follow you. That's fine. And if I want to follow Harry Hamlin, I'm not expecting him to follow me. But what about all the peons such as myself? Well, to me there is an implied reciprocity. I follow you, you follow me. Simple. But then you go and surreptitiously unfollow me? Well, fuck you.

I was following 220 people earlier today. Now I am following 126. Take it away, Travis...




P.S. Um, there are a lot of people that are following me that I am not following back. I'm working on rectifying that, okay? SHEESH.

P.P.S. I unfollowed Harry Hamlin.

Art, Impermanence, Peace, Love, God, Universe, Twitter, Etc.

I was thinking about my movie on the train today.

I started posting to Twitter about it. I loved the idea of hashing out my half-baked thoughts on a site that:

1) Enforces a 140 character limit per post
2) As a result of this limit discourages anything but non-sequiturs, or thoughts that can be reduced to a bite-sized nugget
3) Is a forum that exudes impermanence

Oh, the Library of Congress is supposedly going to archive posts from Twitter, but who wants to look at that? Wouldn't it be like going through your grocery lists from 2006?

I love the idea of collecting my train of thought from Twitter and posting it on a blog, which has its own issues with impermanence (see The Blogger's Hyperbola).

Anyway, here you go. The links below lead to the respective Twitter post that contains them. Or something like that. Go read a book.

============================

Art is too easily consumed these days, but it's also easily disseminated. There's a causal relation, I imagine.

Art that resists easy consumption is something that requires you to move through significant time with it..

What is significant time? Hm, an hour?

Art that resists easy consumption: books, feature films.

There are spaces that encourage contemplation of art, of course. (galleries)

What is easy consumption? I don't know exactly. Maybe it's art that just pings off the surface of you.

I love that art is easily disseminated. That is a pretty awesome thing.

I saw that Pixels movie a few times. Inventive, funny, well-made. But I did not carry anything back from it.

Maybe part of the reason was the film itself, but also perhaps because I ate it like a cheeseburger.

I posted a link to my movie on a thread on a comedy forum I frequent.

A guy posted a video after mine that was him talking straight to the camera.

It bothers me that a consumer of those two videos might not recognize the effort I put forth.

Ah well. It's not the effort, it's the final "product" I guess. I am being a little pissy.

Either I need to learn how to do things easier, or gladly accept the effort required to accomplish something.

Probably both. Okay, done now.

P.S. All the effort was worth it. And fun.

============================

Couples Retweet

I only have to work Monday this week, so the rest of my time leading up to Thanksgiving can be devoted to developing my eight-pack abs and watching shitty movies.

Okay, watching shitty movies.

What were my choices?

Cloudy With A Chance Of Meatballs - Nope!

This Is It - I'm pretty sure it isn't, but thank you.

Where The Wild Things Are - I was all excited about this until I realized it was not in fact a sequel to The Wild Life.

Couples Retreat - LET'S GO.



I got the great idea of live-tweeting my moviewatching experience. I sat near the back of the theater and got my phone and my typing fingers ready.

Sadly, during the film I realized that to properly live-tweet a movie, you have to be sitting in the VERY back row of the theater. Unless, of course, you don't mind getting repeatedly punched in the back of the head by people who for some reason don't like the life-giving glow of your mobile phone.

Regardless of this, I'm going to let my Tweets stand as a review of this film. Enjoy!

7:10pm - Live-tweeting Couples Retreat in a cheap theater. GO

7:10pm - It is only me & 4 annoying teens here.

7:11pm - Wait! A "couple" just walked in.

7:11pm - Bob Marley's Legend on the sound system.

7:12pm - Another couple-

7:12pm - I have always loved "Stir It Up". Genuinely.

7:13pm - Movie is supposed to start at 7:15pm.

7:13pm - This is kind of like live-tweeting Crank 2, except not really.

7:14pm - I hope I anger no one. I'm a sweetheart.

7:15pm - lights out

9:12pm - Sorry, somebody sat behind me. It was shittt

9:12pm - shitty

Twitter was up for a while, though I wasn't able to post to it, and now it's down again.

TWITTER!!

What's that? Yes, Twitter is not up yet.

(because Twitter is still down)

Twitter is still down.

Twitter is still down.

Twitter is down.

Twitter is down.

Name That Face: Round 1 Prizes

UPDATE:

The winners have chosen their prizes.

@debenham gets the Mr. T rubber stamp!
@johndstearns gets the crab robot!
@ajonathancox gets the autographed 8x10 of Jim Belushi!
@SamuraiFrog gets the DVD of On The Right Track!
@keithwade gets the Hitchcock Truffaut book!

Winners, please email me at the address listed on my profile to tell me where to send your well-earned booty.

Thanks!

****************

Hi,

So, the first round of Name That Face has been up and running for a while, but as June ends, so too shall Round 1.

The five highest point-earners will be awarded prizes. I thought of what I think is a neat way of giving the prizes out.

The highest point-earner gets to choose a prize out of the five available. The next highest point-winner will choose from the four remaining prizes, and so on, until the fifth highest point-winner hopefully likes whatever crap the other four people didn't want.

Anyways, here are the prizes for Round 1, in no particular order.

A DVD of the famous Gary-Coleman-lives-in-a-train-locker dramedy On The Right Track! I saw this about a bejillion times when I was a kid, and imagine it still retains the whimsy I faintly remember.



A signed 8x10 of Jim Belushi! It has a few scuff marks, which you might be able to see from the scan. Note: I did not personally obtain this autograph -- I bought it at a collectible store near my house. I'm wagering it's authentic, as I do not know why someone would attempt to fake a Jim Belushi signature.



A wonderful book, consisting of interviews of Alfred Hitchcock conducted by fellow director François Truffaut.


A crab robot. It's pretty cool. What does it have to do with faces? ABSOLUTELY NOTHING.



Cut out all the paperwork jibber-jabber with this stylish Mr. T rubber stamp!



I'll probably take a break (and give Twitter followers a little break as well) for a week or so after Round 1, then I guess I'll crank up Round 2. I was planning on resetting everyone's points back to zero for the next round to even the playing field. I'll still keep the tally of Round 1 for posterity's sake (assuming that anything related to Twitter should have posterity).

Okay, thanks a lot for playing.


P.S. For people unable to get into the top five, I do have web-based complimentary awards that are available for the taking.

Name That Face!

**********
UPDATE:
Round 1 of the contest has been completed!

Final tally below.

You can see what pics I have been using here.

**********

Hi kids, it's Splotchy, with yet another idea to brighten your day.

I have created a new Twitter account called Name That Face! where I will post pictures of various people -- actors, politicians, musicians, etc.

Your goal will be the first to identify the face in the photo. Sometimes there will be bonus points given for additional information.

To play this game, just start following Name That Face on the Twitter (you'll of course have to get a Twitter account).

I'll keep a running tally of everyone's scores, and store it (for now, at least) on this post.

By the way, here is the first picture:



I am giving an extra point if you tell me what movie this still is from.

Remember, don't name the face here. Name it in a reply to my NameThatFace account on the Twitter.

Toodles!


FINAL TALLY:
ROUND 1 has ended.

@debenham - 80 points
@johndstearns - 66 points
@ajonathancox - 64 points
@SamuraiFrog - 44 points
@keithwade - 37 points
@Goose - 29 points
@glands - 14 points
@mariecarnes - 13 points
@TimRussell - 12 points
@unsupervised - 9 points
@aenematron - 9 points
@MyNameIsGaron - 8 points
@genegeorge - 7 points
@liezl - 6 points
@JoeTheCop - 6 points
@Nyen_van_Toc - 6 points
@DougBenson - 5 points
@HAMMER32 - 5 points
@1082118 - 5 points
@Xpandurmind247 - 5 points
@stevesaragossi - 5 points
@BrandonMLytle - 4 points
@nathansmart - 3 points
@Caissie - 3 points
@jeffstearns - 3 points
@bakinslow - 3 points
@BunnyKickButt - 3 points
@benwiers - 3 points
@wolfsothern - 3 point
@jim_mee - 2 points
@twitcaps - 2 points
@Johnichi - 2 points
@SnapTheJap - 2 points
@CathyofTO - 2 points
@jeffkeyz - 2 points
@MattackTheDj - 2 points
@angelmartinez12 - 2 points
@saxamaphone1 - 2 points
@eliter - 2 points
@dpressman - 2 points
@Dhppy - 2 points
@tvpam - 2 points
@FamousPoliceDog - 1 point
@glenstar 1 point
@AndeeD - 1 point
@jintastic - 1 point
@ohsnapwnt - 1 point
@tatgirl09 - 1 point
@juntender - 1 point
@jaycee419 - 1 point
@marshandy - 1 point
@david0071978 - 1 point
@rowritermom - 1 point
@stevethegreat - 1 point
@JumptankRT - 1 point

Ghost-Tweeting For Celebrities Apprehensive Of Twittering

Hi, celebrities. Hey, how's life? Well, if you're not Twittering, we have no idea how life is for you.

What's that? You say you would like to tell us how your life is, but you're afraid to?

• Are you ashamed of your atrocious grammar and/or spelling?
• Are you afraid you'll accidentally tell everyone you compulsively urinate behind laundromats?
• Are you simply not interesting?

Well, I am offering my services to you. I will Ghost-Tweet your life.

I have knocked out over 1,000 updates at isplotchy, my main Twitter account.

Here are a few choice Tweets, to give you some idea of the quality of my Tweeting skills.


**********

Hey, everyone! I'm sweating!

I had a free Danish, and I am wearing ankle socks. Also, pants and two shirts. I'm chewing gum.

FUCK THIS SHIT I'M GOING TO PANERA

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I have even recently created a new, exciting Twitter game Name That Face! which has over TWENTY participants!

To begin Ghost-Tweeting for you, all that I need is:

A) Your name
B) Why you are a celebrity (in case I'm not sure who you are)
C) What kind of Tweets you would like me to do on your behalf

All the above are important, but it is crucial that you tell me about your Tweet preferences, because it gives the Ghost-Tweeter (me) insight into the flavor/essence you want to see your Twitter feed imbued with.

Do you want me to promote current and future projects?
Do you want me to go on and on about your stupid fucking dog?
Do you want me to simply retweet the barely coherent ramblings of other celebrities?

Well, I can do all those things and MORE.

Please drop me a line at i PERIOD splotchy AT gmail PERIOD com if you are interested.


Thanks, and God Bless.


Splotchy