I'd Like To Thank Whole Foods

I'd like to take a minute out of the day to thank the friendly folks at the Whole Foods that recently opened just down the block from where I work.

Thanks for the two parmigiano reggiano sample cubes I got yesterday. Deee-licious!

And thanks for the following samples I got today.

1. Small piece of fudge
2. A generous hunk of chocolate muffin
3. One fancy almond
4. A cracker with some sort of spread on it
5. A piece of chipotle bread dipped in olive oil
6. One more generous hunk of chocolate muffin

Thanks for offering the samples of raw pork sausage, but I decided to take a pass on it today.

See you soon!

Hypothetical Quotes By People of Distinction

René Descartes: "I thought I was."

Unconnected Tuesdays

A forest fire

A hunk of fluorite

One Week Without A Coke

I have made it seven days without any kind of caffeinated beverage.

I noticed the cap to the last 20-oz Coke I imbibed sitting on my desk (no, I didn't lick it, I didn't talk to it, I didn't kiss it).

To celebrate my sobriety, here are the codes found on the inside of the cap.

5TNL
PHXX
PAKR

I honestly don't know what these codes represent. If you end up using them and win a whole bunch of money, please split it with me. I gots babies to feed!

Talk To The Drunken Severed Head

Hi, if you would like doing a favor for not only me, but for my adopted actor David Patrick Kelly as well, please leave a comment for a certain Drunken Severed Head here.

He was granted an interview with Mr. Kelly back in May (and has a pic to prove it!), but has yet to post it. I tried leaving a comment showing my enthusiasm for the yet-to-be-published interview, but was met with the cold sting of silence (though I believe I saw the head briefly poke around my blog after I left my comment).

The head, despite the fact it is drunk and severed, seems to be a most jovial and agreeable sort of appendage. I was hoping I could enlist your support in urging him to share the thoughts of David Patrick Kelly with the rest of the DPK-deprived blogosphere.

Thank you for your time and consideration.

The Gayest Video Ever

From the forthcoming Splotchy compendium, The Big Book Of Gay Videos:

Sting - Fortress Around Your Heart


If anyone wants to challenge me on this, please feel free to post your own nomination for the gayest video ever.

Oh, and you can't choose Imagination's "Just An Illusion" as it has already been posted here.

Snotty-Ass Rock 'N Roll - Track Listing

Hi, just a few loose ends to tie up, and GMMP Volume 2, Snotty-Ass Rock 'N Roll, will be available for download.

To tide you over, this is the track listing of the upcoming mix.

01 - Gogol Bordello- I Would Never Wanna Be Young [bigshoulders]
02 - The Ramones - Beat on the Brat [bigshoulders]
03 - PJ Harvey - Who the F*ck? [bigshoulders]
04 - Pixies - Debaser [bigshoulders]
05 - The Clash - Guns of Brixton [bigshoulders]
06 - Morphine - Sharks [bigshoulders]
07 - Yeah Yeah Yeahs - Rich [bigshoulders]
08 - Kaiser Chiefs - I Predict a Riot [bigshoulders]
09 - Ween - Piss Up A Rope [chris]
10 - Bobby Darin - Down With Love [chris]
11 - Descendents - Sour Grapes [chris]
12 - Etta James - Losers Weepers (pt. 1) [chris]
13 - Phil Ochs - Love Me, I'm A Liberal [chris]
14 - Rev. Horton Heat - Nurture My Pig! [chris]
15 - They Might Be Giants - Prevenge [chris]
16 - Ben Folds Five - Song For The Dumped [chris]
17 - Iggy Pop - Dog Food [bubs]
18 - Green Day - Platypus [bubs]
19 - Public Image Ltd. - Fodderstompf [bubs]
20 - Lou Reed - Dirt [bubs]
21 - The Cramps - People Ain't No Good [bubs]
22 - Brian Eno - Baby's On Fire [bubs]
23 - Sex Pistols - Pretty Vacant [bubs]
24 - X Ray Spex - Oh Bondage, Up Yours [bubs]
25 - Guns 'N Roses - Welcome to the Jungle [flannery alden]
26 - Nirvana - Smells Like Teen Spirit [flannery alden]
27 - Lily Allen - Smile [flannery alden]
28 - Alanis Morissette - You Outta Know [flannery alden]
29 - The Old Crow Medicine Show - Union Maid [flannery alden]
30 - Justin Timberlake - SexyBack [flannery alden]
31 - Destiny's Child - Survivor [flannery alden]
32 - Oasis - Married With Children [flannery alden]
33 - Mekons - Memphis, Egypt [splotchy]
34 - Public Enemy - 911 Is A Joke [splotchy]
35 - Devo - (I Can't Get No) Satisfaction [splotchy]
36 - Beck - Truckdrivin' Neighbor Downstairs (Yellow Sweat) [splotchy]
37 - The Doors - Peace Frog [splotchy]
38 - The Dictators - Two Tub Man [splotchy]
39 - Modern Lovers - Pablo Picasso [splotchy]
40 - The Jesus And Mary Chain - I Hate Rock 'N Roll [splotchy]

BONUS TRACKS

I mentioned when providing my own snotty list, that there was a Butthole Surfers song that I wanted to include, but I thought people would find too offensive. bigshoulders remarked that he felt like he held back a little bit. Why are we holding back?! This is a snotty mix.

So, I asked each participant to provide a snotty song that they initially didn't include because it was too damned snotty. Listener beware!

41 - Patti Smith Group - Rock N Roll Nigger [bigshoulders-extra snotty]
42 - Ween - Baby Bitch [chris-extra snotty]
43 - The Rotters - Sit On My Face Stevie Nicks [bubs-extra snotty]
44 - Violent Femmes - Add It Up [flannery alden-extra snotty]
45 - Butthole Surfers - 22 Going On 23 [splotchy-extra snotty]

When chris gets back from vacation, I'll ask him for his extra snotty song. Shortly after, the songs should be available.

Food Plus Time Equals Comedy

Ok, I warned you that I had one more Illiois State Fair post to go along with my State Fair recap post, and now here it is.

When I was a lad growing up in Springfield, my family would go to the Illinois State Fair every year. My dad would usually drag us to a particular building that displayed lots of different foods that had been submitted for judging. Farmers would submit fruits and vegetables, people would bake pies and cakes, breads, etc. You would submit your food, it would be judged, and if you won your category I'm guessing you would get some sort of monetary prize.

Now, the fair runs 8 or 9 days. The food goes up for display in a building at the start of the fair, and stays there until the fair is over. My dad would prefer going the second weekend of the fair, when all the cakes, vegetables, etc., were in less than stellar condition. To put it bluntly, the food was rotting. This is just his sense of humor, which for the most part was passed down to me intact.

Now, in my childhood this building was not air-conditioned. If it was 90 degrees outside, it was pretty much the same temperature in the building. These days the building is air-conditioned, but still the ravages of time work their magic over the week that the food sits out.

I took pictures the first weekend of the fair, and asked my brother (who is down there this weekend) to take some pictures the second weekend.

Here are the results. Enjoy!

Carrots and Lettuce, before:


And after. Note the carrots are somewhat dessicated, the lettuce mottled.


Peppers before


Peppers after



Eggplants before


Eggplants after


Barbecue Bites before


And after



Pies before


After


Alien cake before


And after (no change)


Apparently after I left the fair, they had some sort of Spam cooking contest. Here are some of the entries. I'm assuming that they looked more appetizing when first displayed, though I can't verify this.


Spam Something


More Spam



One last picture of a delectable Illinois State Fair entry. Who wants dip?



Thanks again to my brother for braving the putrid stench of rotten food to get these lovely pictures.

Green Monkey Music Project, Vol. 2 - Snotty-Ass Rock 'N Roll

Hi!

Okay, Bigshoulders and Chris have graciously signed on to Volume 2.

chris has also noted he is going away on a little web hiatus. So, rather than have him go into the wild without knowing the mix he had gotten himself into, I am cutting short the enormous suspense regarding the theme of Volume 2 (plus, I think people might have been a little reluctant to sign on due to the picture of Johnny Cash flipping the bird).

The theme for this mix is snotty music. Snotty is a state of mind, and is entirely subjective. You'll know it when you hear it. I want you to dig deep into your collections for your most cherished snotty, flipping-the-bird music.

Here are the snotty songs I dredged up:

01 - Mekons - Memphis, Egypt
02 - Public Enemy - 911 Is A Joke
03 - Devo - (I Can't Get No) Satisfaction
04 - Beck - Truckdrivin' Neighbor Downstairs (Yellow Sweat)
05 - The Doors - Peace Frog
06 - The Dictators - Two Tub Man
07 - Modern Lovers - Pablo Picasso
08 - The Jesus And Mary Chain - I Hate Rock 'N Roll

Though I've numbered them from 1 to 8, I'm planning on putting myself last on this particular mix 'cause I was first on Volume 1.

I also have another song that I am afraid of including in the mix due to its somewhat offensive nature, but it is the pièce de résistance of snottiness:

Butthole Surfers - 22 Going On 23

Maybe I'll make it a bonus track or somethin'.


UPDATE!

We have our participants!

Bigshoulders!
Chris!
Bubs!
Flannery Alden!
Splotchy!

If it matters to the participants' mixing sensibilities, their positions in Volume 2 will be ordered like the above (Bigshoulders first, Splotchy last).

So, again, the rules. Snotty Music. 5-8 songs per person. Just add your list of artist and song titles as a comment on this post. I'll get the music from my magic jukebox. If I have a problem getting a song, I'll let you know.

Some of my song selections have very colorful profanity. Profanity is not a requirement to this mix -- I just wanted to let you know this mix might not be appropriate for the ears of the innocent.

One More Thing To Sweeten The Deal

Hi, I just want to add one final piece of nutty goodness.

Participants in the Green Monkey Music Project will be given an honorary badge recognizing their contribution:




If you don't want to participate, please still feel free to pick up a Meaningless Cherry Award.

Green Monkey Mix Project, Volume 2 - A Call For Participants

Hi, encouraged by the response to the initial offering of the Green Monkey Mix Project (GMMP), I'm revving up for Volume 2, which promises to be more fun than the last.

bigshoulders and chris expressed an interest in participating in the next mix, so they can join in on this one if they have a hankering.

Here's some guidelines and helpful info.

1. This mix will have a total of five participants (including me). So, there are a total of four slots for fellow musically-minded bloggers to step into.


2. For this mix, the participants can provide from 5 to 8 songs centered around the theme of the project. (40 songs feels like a nice number for a well-rounded mix)


3. When I announce the theme for the project, I'll also be posting my song choices. The other participants can just write a comment on the theme announcement post to provide their own song choices.


4. You don't need to give me the songs. Just give me the artist and song title and I'll get it. If I am unable to get a song, I'll ask you for it. You'll be able to hear your song choices before the mix is published, so's you can make sure I didn't screw anything up. If you're dead set on giving me the songs, that's fine, too.

Now, assuming I haven't scared you away with all the above funny business, here's a hint of the theme of the next mix:

How Do You Feel About...

On my other blog, for the current band I'm highlighting, Mr. Speed (a KISS tribute band), regular visitors Flannery Alden and Jess have politely abstained from voting.

They have been really supportive of my writing both here and on my new blog, for which I am eternally thankful. They have also both had some marvelous insights regarding band dynamics.

There are countless possible reasons why they chose to abstain, but I inferred my own reasons, and now I have a strange little thought rattling around in my head. Was the vote declined due to an underlying hostility to KISS?

Then it got me thinking. How do people in general feel about KISS? They were absolutely huge back when I was a kid. They have made a reasonably large splash in the pop culture pool.

I know how I feel about them, but I want to know how you feel about them.

So?

Hypothetical Quotes By People of Distinction

Nostradamus:
"The man of spots will sit
In front of his skyless window:
Writing words never traced by human hand,
Placed in mouths that never speak them."
(translated from orig. French)

Imagine Something Witty About The Number Four Here

I have been tagged by the effervescent SamuraiFrog with a series of questions.

Four jobs I've had or currently have in my life:

1. I worked several summers as a dishwasher at a Shakey's in Springfield, which I actually enjoyed a large part of the time. They tried to give me more responsibility, but I basically argued my way into remaining the dishwasher. For a brief, unhappy time I handled the chicken/fish friers, which I didn't like for a variety of reasons (prepping chicken, getting burnt by grease spatters from water-filled giblets, and emptying the grease at the end of the night).
   


2. One summer I thought I'd try get a different job, something un-Shakey. I tried getting a job at Blockbuster Video. I tried getting a job as a stocker at a supermarket. Nobody wanted me. I ended up getting hired at a Dairy Queen. This particular DQ also had a grill. After my first day of training, learning all about the secret curlicue technology DQ employs on their soft serve ice cream, a redneck faintly-mustached fella handed me a piece of metal that was used for shaking fries into the little fry sacks. I was very unhappy when I realized that once again I would be on fry detail. Redneck guy took my sour expression as uncertainty regarding how to use the fry shoehorn, so in his most encouraging voice he said, "You slide it in. It's just like pussy." I quit the next day and signed back up with Shakey's.
   


3. When I was in college, I worked at a video arcade. I was hired primarily because I was a musician. The manager assumed that musicians would be mechanically-minded, and would be more likely able to do minor maintenance on the machines when they broke down. He was quite wrong about me. One night I made the mistake of locking myself out of the back room. I ended up having to to take the door off of its hinges to get in. Classy, eh?
   


4. Also in college I had a job making pizza dough at Godfather's pizza. Excepting the manager, there were a lot of really nice people that worked there. At the restaurant they had a conveyor oven that people would put pizzas in on one side, they'd roll through, and by the time they would come out on the other side they would be cooked. Unless it was very busy, no one would be standing, waiting for the pizzas to come out. Still, you had to keep your eye on the oven, because food could get backed up and burn. It was customary to loudly say "Cut table!" when you saw food coming out of the oven and you yourself couldn't make it over to get the food out. Someone who did have a free hand would hurry over to the oven, take the pizza out and cut it into slices. One day we closed for the day so we could do a thorough cleaning of the kitchen. We carried out all the items that weren't too heavy or bolted down into the parking lot so we could spray them down with a high-powered hose. As a coworker and an assistant manager were carrying it out, I yelled "CUT TABLE!" and actually made the assistant manager involuntarily flinch. It was one of my finest employment moments.
   

---

Four countries I have been to:

1. Canada


2. Mexico


3. Italy


4. Austria

I talk about some of my travels to foreign lands here.

---

Four places I'd rather be right now:

1. Living in a nice, big house on the north side of Chicago


2. Living in a nice, big house on the north side of Chicago


3. Living in a nice, big house on the north side of Chicago


4. Living in a nice, big house on the north side of Chicago

---

Four foods I like to eat:

1. Homemade mac 'n cheese


2. Chocolate cakey things


3. Barbecue pork chops


4. PB & J

---

Four personal heroes, past or present (or future):

1. Noam Chomsky


2. Bill Moyers


3. Jim Henson


4. Ralph Nader

---

Four books you've just read or are currently reading:
Ack. I have not been reading a lot lately.

1. The last Harry Potter


2. Interventions, by Noam Chomsky


3. Assorted children's books

I am not tagging anyone at this point, but that doesn't mean it ain't happening at some point.

Splotchy's Contribution To Total Absorption

Hi, here's a little background on my choices for the recent Total Absorption mix.

The White Stripes - Seven Nation Army
I was a latecomer to The White Stripes. I could even go so far as to say I was willfully ignorant of them. I don't know -- I just get stubborn that way, especially when it comes to music that grabs the popular imagination. Something is popular and I get all pissy about it. I finally broke down and listened to De Stijl, then White Blood Cells and then Elephant. I now must admit their music is great, and insanely catchy. It's this song in particular, the first off their album Elephant, where I just have to hear the whole thing every damn time.

Gang Of Four - Natural's Not In It
Off the incredible album Entertainment. If you want to witness the sad spectacle of me doing air guitar, play this song.

Luna - La Poupee Qui Fait Non
Luna put out a lot of great music, but this cover of a Michel Polnareff song on Pop Romantique, a compilation of "alternative" bands covering French pop songs, has always been a favorite of mine.

Magnetic Fields - I Don't Believe You
This isn't my absolute favorite Magnetic Fields song, but I always have to hear it all the way through. Stephin Merritt's lyrics are always great, and he often has a habit of having a big whammy lyric at the end that you gleefully anticipate. It doesn't hurt that the line uses the word "ampersand", one of my all-time favorite words. There are at least a couple versions of this song -- there's a single version that is more synth-pop and quicker, but I included the version from their album i because I like the cello part.

The Beta Band - She's The One
An eight minute song? On a mix tape? Yes and yes! I know putting such a long song on a mix tape can be a little risky, but believe me, it's warranted in this case. There are occasions when I hear a song, and I am basically mesmerized by it until it finishes. If you asked me how long this song was after hearing it, I'd say four minutes. This song just sweeps you away and doesn't let go.

The Shins - New Slang
I first heard this song when I got a copy of it from Tim, who I *think* might have been hipped to it from the Garden State soundtrack. Just compiling this little post, it occurred to me that Tim has contributed some integral pieces to my musical makeup. It was Tim who, in my freshman year of college, gave me a cassette of what would become my most treasured music, The Feelies' album The Good Earth. Thank you again, Tim! In addition to the Garden State soundtrack, "New Slang" can also be found on The Shins' record Oh, Inverted World. It's a really mellow, haunting song.

Robyn Hitchcock - The Speed Of Things
This song is off the uniformly wonderful album Moss Elixir. For some reason, this song really grabs me. It's just Hitchcock singing over an electric guitar, but that's all it needs. The lyrics especially affect me.

Here's just a sample:

I fed you in your chair this morning
You made a mess of everything
By afternoon, you drove a sports car
You were driving at the speed of things

The 13th Floor Elevators - I Had To Tell You
If you aren't hep to them, the 13th Floor Elevators were a fantabulous psychedlic band from Austin, Texas that were around in the late 60's. The main creative force in the band was Roky Erickson. Roky Erickson is sort of like Neil Young. Both are capable of rocking out, but there's this delicate fragility that runs through their work.

A lot of the songs in the 13th Floor Elevators repertoire have a freaky sounding instrument in it (called the "Electric Jug"), but this song doesn't. It is a quieter, acoustic affair, and really beautiful.

Sam Cooke - Change Is Gonna Come
I knew a lot of the big hits by Sam Cooke back when I was a kid -- "Wonderful World", "Twistin' The Night Away", "Another Saturday Night", etc. It wasn't until I was an adult that I heard this song. It really displays Cooke's gospel roots. It gets me every time, every single time.

Brian Eno - Here Come The Warm Jets
I had to pick up the pace a little for the next person in the mix. Most of this song is instrumental, with some faraway singing and drumming fading in near the end. I don't know exactly what it is about this song, but it's got my name all over it.