Tuesday, June 12, 2007

Splotchy's Synonyms, Vol 2

More words I'll probably never use in a normal conversation. Previous entry here.

1. abscissa
Definition: the horizontal coordinate of a point in a plane Cartesian coordinate system obtained by measuring parallel to the x-axis
Why I Won't Use It: This word is for abscissies.
What I'll Use Instead: Nothing! By the way, if samuraifrog says he has used this word in a normal everday conversaion, I'm going to have to cook up a new "Math Talker" award for him.

2. Scaramangian
Definition: of or relating to James Bond villain Francisco Scaramanga; devilishly ruthless; having a third nipple
Why I Won't Use It: It's hard to pronounce.
What I'll Use Instead: Blofeldish

3. eponymous
Definition: of, relating to, or being an eponym
Why I Won't Use It: Unclear what it exactly means, even after looking it up. Also, I fear if I used this word I could be mistaken for a pretentious rock critic and brutally tackled to the ground.
What I'll Use Instead: I have no idea.

4. eponym
Definition: one for whom or which something is or is believed to be named; a name (as of a drug or a disease) based on or derived from an eponym
Why I Won't Use It: Unclear what it exactly means, even after looking it up. WHAT THE HELL ARE THEY TALKING ABOUT?
What I'll Use Instead: Again, I have no idea.

5. fie
Definition: an interjection used to express disgust or disapproval
Why I Won't Use It: I don't work at Medieval Times.
What I'll Use Instead: Eee-yawwwsh!

6. fisticuffs
Definition: a fight with the fists
Why I Won't Use It: I dunno, I think I would just feel a little silly.
What I'll Use Instead: fistfight

7. ostentatious
Definition: marked by or fond of conspicuous or vainglorious and sometimes pretentious display
Why I Won't Use It: Using this word might make me appear ostentatious
What I'll Use Instead: "Look at that person with a stick-up-the-butt"

8. pince-nez
Definition: eyeglasses clipped to the nose by a spring
Why I Won't Use It: Because the French don't support Our President!
What I'll Use Instead: If this ever comes up, I suppose I could say "freedom nose spring-clipped glasses"

9. puerile
Definition: juvenile; childish; silly
Why I Won't Use It: Too close to putrid.
What I'll Use Instead: juvenile, childish, silly

10. gloam
Definition: twilight
Why I Won't Use It: I dunno, I love this word. GLOAM GLOAM GLOAM.
What I'll Use Instead: twilight


lulu said...

eponymous= tituler, which sound vaguely pervy.

Splotchy said...

Funny that you mention titular, as I almost included it in this round.

SamuraiFrog said...

Again! I've used all but two of those words (the first two). "Pince-nez" is especially good as a punchline.

Splotchy said...

Well, now that you say it's a punchline, you need to provide the joke(s).

I am proud to say that (according to Google, at least) I am the first person to have coined "Scaramangian". Already, I'm feeling the collective unconsciousness of English grad students slowly being infected by its seductive charm.

If only Herve Villechaize were still alive, I would have loved to have floated him a fiver to pronounce it for me.

Bubs said...

MizBubs suggests you use "vainglorious" more often since it's a wonderful word.

I like "ostentatious" but I find it sounds better when followed by the word "prick" as in "What an ostentatious prick", at which point you're dangerously close to being what you describe.

Splotchy said...

bubs, I'll try to use "vain" and "glorious" more often in casual conversation, but the idea of pushing them together frightens me.

I could see myself using the phrase "ostentatious prick" but I'd probably eff it up and say something like "inauspicious" instead.

Splotchy said...

samuraifrog, wait the hell a minute.

when did you use the word "fie" in a conversation?!!

SamuraiFrog said...

A number of times. What can I say, I was a pretentious English major. And I haven't just said "fie," I've done the Shakespearean "Fie on't!"

shmool said...

I think there's an appropriate use of 'fisticuffs', but it's very specialized. You have to use it when comparing Star Trek captains, and it has to be mixed with profanity:

Captial Picard is like Captain Kirk minus the f*cking and fisticuffs.

Something about the alliteration gives the illusion of coolness.

Splotchy said...

I dunno, *could* you make comparing captains from the Star Trek franchise any cooler than it already is?