Saturday, March 29, 2008

One Year Blogoversary - It All Comes Down To Zombies And Shopping

It was a year ago today when I began uploading my thoughts to this blog. That first post was about a zombie apocalypse.

I am looking for help from the readers of this blog now.

We are out shopping at a supermarket when the zombie apocalypse becomes evident to us. The front of the supermarket is made up of floor to ceiling glass windows. There are two sets of automatic glass doors on either end of the front of the supermarket. There is also a service entrance in the back, which is a steel door and locked from the inside.

There are hundreds of zombies outside in the front parking lot. There are about fifteen zombie shoppers in the supermarket. There are five zombies out back. All of the store's employees are zombies.

The zombies are the slow-moving, George Romero kind. You can kill them by removing the head or destroying the brain.

Assume that all non-zombies in the supermarket arrived by motor vehicle.

Quick, we need to decide on a plan! What are we going to do? What do we need to take care of in order to survive?

I need to know what our priorities are, and we need to decide on tasks and have volunteers for each task.

Together we can get through this! I know it!



SamuraiFrog said...

I volunteer to be the guy crumpled up in the corner sobbing, who turns into the guy who starts suspecting and yelling at everyone, only to eventually get killed by my own stubborn pigheadedness in zombie form.

Splotchy said...

No, SamuraiFrog, no! Don't be that guy!!!!!

McGone said...

What are we going to do? What do we need to take care of in order to survive?

Walk him and pitch to the rhino.

Oh, wait, that's what you do with an elephant with three balls, not zombies.

I'll have to get back to you.

Splotchy said...


lulu said...

Does this supermarket have a liquor department?

Splotchy said...

Lulu, yes they have liquor. No firearms, though.

PJ said...

Come on people, we're not beaten yet!

First we need to destroy the automatic door sensor now! Using whatever we can find - cans of beans, whatever! (When Bart Simpson sold his soul he wasn't detected by the Kwik-E Mart door sensors, but we can't take that chance.)

We need weapons. Liquor bottles are great missiles, and can be used at close range for attacking the undead. Let's grab a trolley and head to that section.

On the way to the back of the store. McGone retrieves a huge chopper knife from the deli section, and decapitates the deli guy.

Splotchy breaks a bottle every couple of steps, which makes a few zombie slip over.

There's an axe next to the back of the supermarket. Nice!

Lulu smashes several more bottles of alcohol, then flicks a lighter and sets fire to the place.

We make quick work of those 5 zombies and break into a black van. SamuraiFrog hotwires the van and we're off!

McGone said...

Holy crap! No one EVER lets me decapitate the deli guy in any scenario! This is awesome!

escralan said...

When in the Deli Department make sure to grab a few of them professional serrated edge things out of the plastic wraps. Those things are killers. Easily take off a zombie head with one of those. If you want, early on I'll pretend to get cut on one while wrapping some meat ends to show a little foreshadowing. Maybe I can be the lost worker who didn't get zombied because I was busy stealing beer by putting it in the dumpster. Then I'll work behind the scenes, your hidden ally, and we, the survivors, can all meet up at the end after the zombie market has been destroyed. I'll be like..', not zombie...' And I'll shake my head solemnly when asked if I've seen a frog.

SamuraiFrog said...

Oh, man, Alan, that made my day!

I used to drive a van for a living, so I could drive this one, for certain.

Joe said...

pj is on the right track baby!

Block/disable those doors, hit the liquor section and grab all the 151 rum and Everclear, and get some lighters right off the bat. Then get some edged weapons and hammers to start. Get out of sight of those front windows and try to minimize how many other zombies you attract to the front of the store.

Create a stronghold first, a place to give you some time to plan and regroup. If anyone in your group won't shut up, knock them unconscious. They'll thank you later.

The stockroom in back is probably a good bet. A good place to look for tools and blunt objects, like that beautiful fire axe pj mentioned. Maybe even a forklift or front end loader!

Once you've got your stronghold, venture out in pairs or threes (360 degree defense) and kill the zombies in the store.

Hunker down out of sight for a while until the zombie crowd outside the store disperses (hopefully.) Gather up as much boxed/canned food, water & 1st aid supplies as possible. Prepare a box full of molotov cocktails.

I have an advantage here because I carry a semiauto pistol with 10 bullets, and 10 more in a magazine in my car which is parked in front. Hopefully at least one other person in the group is parked reasonably close to me.

Move out to the cars as a group, using the firebombs to keep any other zombies at bay if necessary. Give the strongest person/best baseball player the axe and put him/her on head chopping detail. I'll shoot any that get too close.

Convoy up and drive at a reasonable speed (don't want to crash the cars due to panicky driving) and head to my house to link up with my family and collect more guns and bullets. I'm assuming everyone in the group will want to go to his/her family, but unless your families are better armed and prepared than mine, that's not happening. Feel free to give them directions to our place, or arrange a meet later.

Then we decide to fortify and lay low, or head to the country. I always have at least 8 gallons of gasoline stored in the garage.

After that it's all in God's hands.

Matthew Hubbard said...

I thought I came by to congratulate you, but I was wrong.


Now I'm right.

Splotchy said...

We're coming together with a plan.

I think we're going to make it after all.