Thursday, March 27, 2008

Scroogled, Translated Into The Language Of A Procrastinating Seventh Grader

BoingBoing's Cory Doctorow is also a fiction writer. He wrote a cautionary tale of Google, security and privacy titled Scroogled for Radar Online (if you don't want to be bothered to click through several pages for the complete story you can get it in one long page here).

Periodically I will see links to different language translations of this story made by diligent multilingual BoingBoing devotees.

However, I have yet to see a translation of this story done by a procrastinating seventh grader who sort of just skimmed it at the last minute. Until now, that is.


Greg got off a plane. He was a brown unshaven nut and he was looking good. But then later he wasn't feeling so good when he was waiting a long time and he was sweaty.

So Google is everywhere. Their doing all security now.

Greg used to work at Google and liked it, but then he didn't want to work there anymore.


The officer took his card and was staring at a screen a lot. He had some food on his lip.

The officer asked him about a long time ago, and Greg said, why do you want to know about that.

Greg said what are you talking about model rockets.

Yeah, the officer said.

Greg was kind of sick to his stomach. No, it's okay.


But then the officer was still bugging him.

There was a girl Maya who worked in a chocolate lab. She had teeth and a drooling problem. They had a couple dogs. She was explaining all about the security that Google was doing, and it was really scary.

Greg was crazy surprised. What's up with Google he asked Maya? They're supposed to be good and everything? Why are they evil cherries?

Maya said they were evil cherries and Greg should just deal.

They were quiet for a minute.

So Google is crazy mad with the spying Greg asked Maya.

You betcha Greg.

Oh, Maya isn't with Greg, she is a lesbian, but it's okay.

So then Greg started working for Google. HE DIDN'T HAVE A CHOICE!!!!!!

Maya killed herself because Google was crazy mad with the spying. But Greg got a couple of days off, which he probably needed.


1 comment:

Diamond Dave Diggler said...

I laughed increasingly hard as the child's accent went from midwestern suburbanite to Boston thug. I will never read this story because it would ruin your beautiful synopsis.