Wednesday, July 25, 2007

Here's Some Colorful Phrases You May Find Useful


If you're ever at a loss to describe a situation or circumstance, one of these may come in handy.

It was...

1. Like a squirrel doused in baking soda
2. As hot as a chair full of sweaty ass
3. Like a tomato f*cking an onion
4. Like a runaway vagina
5. Sadder than a Hollywood laundromat
6. Like Lorenzo Lamas on downers
7. Like the popping of a midget's elbow
8. Like a hundred dollar bill covered in ticks
9. Like kissing a fake hobo
10. As sweet as a dingleberry

6 comments:

Chris said...

Those are brilliant! The fake hobo one is my fave.

J.D. said...

But wait -- why would you kiss a hobo in the first place? And then to find out he's fake? Oi. It's Thomas Jane all over again! AAHHHH!!!!!

Dr. Monkey Von Monkerstein said...

So many to chose from and every dang one funny as hell.

Dale said...

I liked the hobo one a lot too but don't want it to wear out so I'll go with working the runaway vagina into conversation.

Bubs said...

Like a monkey fucking a football...

Splotchy said...

chris, is hobo the funniest word in the English language? I think it's damn well likely.

j.d., I haven't even begun to fathom the full implications of kissing a fake hobo. Will I ever get the chance to live the reality of this phrase? Only time will tell.

dr mvm, thank ye kindly. If I could wish one of them into popular usage, it would probably be #8. I just like it. I think it would be best drawled with a thick Southern accent.

dale, you haveta promise to report on any actual usage of the "runaway vagina" metaphor. I'm interested if you are able to pull it off.

bubs, if only I could have come up with a phrase as sweet as that. It's goddamn poetry, and I mean that sincerely.