Monday, June 18, 2007

This Australian Baby Is No Dingo

Meet Vernon Wells. No, not the baseball player.

Look at those puppy-dog eyes.

Sure, he's a unstoppable force who wants to take your oil, kidnap your daughter and plug wires into his head,(?) but those are merely cries for help. He needs you.

And he's Australian. Who doesn't love Australians?

He can be your child, for the low, low cost of nothing. All you need is love, mate.


Joe said...

I gotta say, I don't love Australians. They're overrated--basically rednecks who get away with it because they sound like Brits and not like hillbillies.

Johnny Yen said...

He'd be on my short list for "Adopt a Character Actor" just for his role in The Road Warrior. Although I'm still psychologically scarred by the fact that he was wearing leather chaps throughout that movie.

Splotchy said...

bubs, you know what you sound like? A jealous hillbilly.

mr. yen, I do believe there *was* a thin strap of leather covering his asscrack, if that mitigates the chaps-wearing at all.

Johnny Yen said...

I had four drunken Australian assholes nearly beat me up one night in a fast food joint one night a few years ago because my wife (ex-wife Cynthia) called them on their badmouthing of the latino workers behind the counters. Four tough guys, going up against a skinny middle-aged guy. I wasn't impressed.

Frank Sirmarco said...


I've chosen to adopt Dan Hedaya.

Splotchy said...

Hey man, you'll get no argument from me.

Dan Hedaya is awesome.

Congrats on your adoption!