Thursday, August 9, 2007

A Promise To Coaster Punchman

For some reason, a post I read on Coaster Punchman's blog over a month ago has stuck in my mind.

1. I've always hated the word "balls" in reference to the male anatomy. I find that word to be incredibly vulgar. I don't know why.

I'm going to try and use the word "balls" less, but I would appreciate a replacement word.


J.D. said...

"Orbs"? "Dingleberries"?

jin said...

*hairy squishy things*

Dr. Monkey Von Monkerstein said...


Orbs o' sperm production.

Mini globes.

Cup said...

I've always been partial to "nards."

SamuraiFrog said...




Berries. (J.D.'s dingleberries actually refers to something else.)



Chin ornaments.


Family jewels.

Gonads or nads.






Hairy plums.

Kiwi fruit (I mean, they look like balls).



Fuzzy yarbles.

And for some reason the weirdest I ever heard was "sweets." Some guy I know used to refer to "me sweets."

Jenny Jenny Flannery said...

The twins?

Splotchy said...

j.d., I'm liking orbs.

jin, I have serious doubts as to cp being less offended by your nickname than balls. Hell, *I* am offended by that phrase. And, if I may point out, though my ballsack is hairy, my balls are (hopefully) not. Ick, see what you made me do!! You made me talk about my ballsack. That's gross!

dr mvm, nuts is a good ol' standby. I imagine that's what they called them in the 1940's. About the globes, I don't know about you, but mine are more ellipsoidal.

beth, nards? Interesting, interesting. Never heard that one.

sf, why do I have the sinking feeling you rattled those off without an ounce of effort, that you have this many synonyms for "balls" available in the front of your brain at all times? I think my favorites are fellas, danglers and stones. I'm afraid of chin ornaments.

flannery, if I didn't actually have 4-year-old twins, I would consider it.

BeckEye said...

Well, I love "balls." I would never promote using a different word. But since I love colorful language, how about Fromunda Cheese Puffs? Low Hanging Fruit? Too long? Uh...beanbags? Cock-rocks? Raisinets?

BeckEye said...

Cum compartments?

BeckEye said...

Scratch that. Cumpartments is punnier.

Jenny Jenny Flannery said...

D'oh! It looks like I need to check out your archives.

I'll switch my vote to nuts, then. Or junk. Or the boys.

Jenny Jenny Flannery said...

That is unless your twins are boys...

Splotchy said...

beckeye, cumpartments, hmmm... As far as Raisinets, I think I would prefer Goobers.

flannery a, boy and girl twins. Sorry.

GETkristiLOVE said...

My softball team in college was Nads. (So we could say, "Go Nads!")

I was really immature back then.

Sorry I can't help you out, let me know if you need another word for vagina, because I have a ton of those.

Distributorcap said...

i cannot stop laughing
and it is 5am!

Sorghum Crow said...

Goolies. (British? maybe)

cobblers, from Cockney rhyming slang, balls=>cobbler's awls=>cobblers

Splotchy said...

Thanks for all the wonderful suggestions, everyone!

The next time I have the urge to use "that word" I will consult these comments and pick one of the many alternatives to use instead. Feel free to keep on suggesting, too! I imagine there's a least a hundred perfectly acceptable slang words available that have yet to be mentioned.

If CP eventually stumbles upon this post and expresses interest in a particular word for me to use to describe that piece of anatomy, I'll try my best to honor his wishes.

Coaster Punchman said...

Hey, no need for snark there Splotchboy! Remember, I'm a busy Strategic Sales Executive!

I'd recommend "nads."

Oh, and y'all are sick.

Splotchy said...

CP, sure, there may be snark involved, but there really is a grain of truth in the fact that I was consciously aware of using the word after you indicated that it bothered you.

From now on, "nads" it is!

Johnny Yen said...

I like huevos, but I'd like to propose a new euphemism: The Johnson Twins.