Tuesday, July 10, 2007

No Chicago Suburb Is Safe From The Rapier Wit Of Splotchy

On the train ride home yesterday, I thought up some more slogans for an assortment of Chicago suburbs.

Here they be.

Hillside - Our Landfill Is Closing In '08!
Brookfield - So Much More Than A Group Of Filthy, Smelly Animals
Oak Park - Ask Us About Our High Property Taxes
Schaumburg - Yes, We Have An Olive Garden
Palatine - Like Schaumburg On Steroids
DeKalb - Please Don't Call Us "Duh Cab"
Evanston - Home of the Smugly Progressive
Hinsdale - No Fat Chicks
Kenilworth - We Theoretically Welcome Black People
Naperville - Come Join The Sprawl!
Rolling Meadows - Neither Rolling Nor Meadows


J.D. said...


Johnny Yen said...

How about the suburbs of my youth:
"Western Springs-- Hinsdale is Just Across I-294"
"Streamwood-- Not All The White Trash Is In Bensenville!"

GETkristiLOVE said...


lulu said...

TenS lives in Evanston, and I used to.

How about my childhood home, Mount Prospect, aka, Mt Plastic? I vote for "even our mall is kinda lame"

Joe said...


As for Mount Prospect, our mall is about to be gone. I suggest

"Trying to catch up with Arlington Heights"

Some Guy said...

I've never understood Downer's Grove. Doesn't it sound like a depressing place?

Splotchy said...

lulu, would you consider yourself or TenS:

a) Smug
b) Progressive
c) Smugly progressive
d) With the current state of the world, how can you even have the audacity to ask me this kind of question?

bubs, good slogan!

chris, you almost came up with your own doozy of a slogan for Downer's Grove -- "Not All That Depressing"

splotchytive said...

What's with all the burb bashing? It's time to take on the big kahuna - Chicago. An update:"Chicago - City of big shoulders & one helluva beer gut!"

Johnny Yen said...

As a Chicagoan, I prefer this one:

Welcome to Chicago. Now go home.

lulu said...

I consider myself progressively smug.

They're getting rid of Randhurst? Where oh where will the Costo go?

Johnny Yen said...

I snapped a picture of a sign on Western and Grace a couple of days ago that will mightily amuse you. I'll post it probably tonight. Let it suffice to say that I'll bet you never realized that Berwyn is actually the center of Chicago.

Splotchy said...

Cool, man!

Looking forward to seeing it.

I *have* to get a camera like yours, so I can just take it wherever I go, shooting pictures when the opportunities arise.