Friday, July 13, 2007

Splotchy, The Prototypical Simian Swing Voter

As far as the current political scene goes, my opinions probably most likely do not vary greatly from those who occasionally read my blog. Like minds attract like minds, I suppose.

Having said that, I must state, as a matter of conscience, that I am thoroughly undecided regarding the latest brouhaha developing between Dr. Zaius and Dr. Monkey Von Monkerstein.

They are both vying for the highest level of office of these grand United States.

I must mention that I have added Dr. Zaius, Dr. Monkey Von Monkerstein as well as Dr. Von Monkerstein's advisor and/or puppet Samuarai Frog to my blogroll, in my attempt to see all sides of the Simian issue.

Now, Dr. Von Monkerstein and Samurai Frog have graciously added *me* to their blogrolls. And as for the blogroll of Dr. Zaius? The tumbleweeds blow there, having not felt the life-giving moisture of Splotchy.

Why, do you ask? I do not know. I *do* know that in a hotly-contested political race, all votes are precious. Perhaps even more important than my vote is my influence. Dr. Zaius, do you want the full force of the Splotchy apparatus upon your simian head? For example, do you want me training my ample resources on investigating the status of your US citizenship? I think not.

There is an easy remedy to the sticky wicket you find yourself in, Zaius.

Add me to your blogroll, and I promise to advocate fairness and reasoned discussion, and will represent the views of both yourself and Von Monkerstein honestly.

If not, you're in for a big shitstorm.

Best Regards,



Dr. Monkey Von Monkerstein said...

Just a gentle reminder Splotchy, you are not only on my blogroll. You are in my cabinet as well when I get elected. Check out my "Yes But..." post in my best of list entitled 'Damn, that was some good shit.'

Fran said...

Splotchy plays hardball! I like that. I am sorry to say, it is Monkerstein or nothing for me.

Splotchy said...

dr mvm, I admit to having briefly forgotten your intent to include me in your cabinet as Secretary Of Energy.

But, when I reviewed the rest of your appointments, I was shocked to find the following:

Head of NASA and NOAA-Dr. Zaius

Since Dr. Zaius's appointment is probably in jeopardy due to his political opposition to yourself, I can only assume that my position is also not a done deal should you win.

I await Dr. Zaius' response. If he doesn't respond like a proper, politically-minded simian, it's a win-win for you.

franiam, I'm certain your support of dr mvm is appreciated, but without the swing voters such as myself it won't be enough.

Johnny Yen said...

I'd hold out for cigarettes and a bottle of cheap wine. But then, maybe it's only here in Chicago that it works that way.

Dr. Monkey Von Monkerstein said...

Alas Splotcy I made my cabinet annoucnement before Zaisu began his campaign of trickery and deciet. But just to show you what kind of simian I am, when I win I will still honor Zaius by giving him that appointment.

Splotchy said...

jy, for me it's chocolate and blog promotion.

dr mvm, I hope you'll also still consider including me in your cabinet, even if I somehow end up supporting a losing candidate that runs against you.

But, I have confidence that it is my vote and influence on undecided voters that will decide the winner of these proceedings, so the odds of me supporting a losing candidate are not likely.

Joe said...

I find this interesting, but I gotta say I don't have a monkey in this fight.

Splotchy said...

bubs, your fez-wearing profile picture indicates otherwise.

I figure you for a Von Monkerstein supporter.

SamuraiFrog said...

Rest assured that Monkerstein judges people on merit, Splotchy, and we both know you merit a lot. Those who support the Monkerstein campaign will not be forgotten; they are the base constituents of a better, freer, more peaceful tomorrow! As I've recently shown, Mr. Zaius is not even a doctor--a lie about something so fundamental bodes bigger lies in the future. Remember when Bush claimed to be in the Air Force?

At Monkerstein HQ, we consider ALL voices important and listen to all suggestions and complaints alike. This campaign is about opening dialogue and communication among everyone; Zaius seeks to silence us. Whom will you choose?

Splotchy said...

sf, I have added been to Dr. Zaius' blogroll, and a political disaster (for Zaius) has been narrowly averted.

By the way, I have heard rumor that Dr. Zaius' usage of the word "doctor" is similar to my insistence to concessionaires at sporting events to call me "the Maestro" -- a ceremonial title, but one indicative of respect and gravitas.

I think you might have made a couple more points, but I am having difficulty reading the remainder of your comment. Did it say something about posting pictures of Thora Birch, Carla Gugino and Adrienne Barbeau? Because that's what swings this voter.

Dr. Zaius said...

I apologize sincerely for my blogroll gaffe, and intend to make a renewed effort to avoid such mistakes on my part in the future. I offer my humblest gratitude for your forgiveness in this matter.